Terrible ParentingMy parents used to lock my brother, sister and I in the car while they went to the pub for a "quick one" after work. This quick one might last several hours, during which they would send bottles of Indian Tonic Water to us by way of refreshment.
On one particularly cold evening, bored stupid, we lit a small bonfire on the back seat of the car using the cigarette lighter and the contents of the glove box. We owe our lives to passing winos. (BTW: Please no more Maddie or Jesus gags, they've been done.)
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 16 Aug 2007, 9:47)
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Catapolt + ballbearing + over enthusiastic father = disasterHaving read and posted a few on this question I am quite happy my childhood was pretty much stress free and I want to cheer you all up with another tale of fathers inability to act like a grown up father.
My father would always know how to spice things up in the long summer holidays. My father is a creative genius when it comes to DIY, you name it the fucker can make it. I told my mum I wanted a catapult for my 14th birthday. She told me to promptly "get stuffed", she knew me too well. I got a game boy game instead I think but later in the day my dad called into his shed for my present from him (insert peado joke here).
He had built me a catapult that would not be out of place in military use. It fucking enormous and was so powerful he built a strap that connected to my arm so it would fire further. Not only that, he gave 500 or so marble size ball bearings to shoot with. The summer starts here....... or so I thought!
We waited for my mum to go out cause she have would have gone mad at him for building me one, once she left we went in the garden for some fun. We set up loads of bottle on wall and proceeded to blow the shit out of them for hours... good times
When my dad took a turn he was interrupted mid shot by my outraged mother shouting "WTF do you think your doing", miscues his shot, pings off the mental pole that kept the washing line up and the ball bearing went straight through the newly double glazed patio door and thus causing a comedic smash that would not be out of place in a Tom and Jerry cartoon....Bad times
My mother lost her rag completely and screamed at my dad about setting and example to his son but god bless him this was his next line:
"I made it for me, the boys been watching me use it all afternoon. He wanted ago but I said it was to dangerous and I just proved I was right"
Got me out of the shit and landed him deeper init. Taught me how to lie convincingly to women (insert cock gag here) and never snitch on anyone, especially your mates.
Ladies, Gentleman and fellow B3tans I give you the legend, accident prone, comedic, cigar smoking, minor alcoholic, womanising, all round good egg of my father.
BTW* I dread how he might one day twist the brains of my unborn child.
(, Wed 22 Aug 2007, 11:53, Reply)
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