Revenge of the Bill Payer
I have never enjoyed talking on the phone, hate it in fact, but my two younger brothers (Steve & 'Detective' Des) took to the "wha y'doin?..naffin, wha y'doin...nowt. Wha y'doin after?.. school of phone usage like drugs to ravers. This was pre cellphone, so Dad stumped up for the Bill.

Anyhow, after another 250 quid quarterly bill from BT, my Dad snapped, and...

installed a payphone...
in the house....
in our front room!!

He soon figured that he could alter the time per pound rate, ramping it up so a quid lasted for a minute. So phone conversations for my Brothers became ..

Hi.. no!! SHUTTHEFUCKUP!! I'll see you in 20 at *beeepbeeepbeep* fuckfuckFUCKFUCK!!...DAAAAAAAD! (Steve puts another 10p in) "No Spooner SHUTTHEFUCKUP!! meet at Macdonalds in twenty.. Which one? The one in *beeepbeeepbeeep* fuckfuckFUCKINGCUNT!!"

This angst and frustration was just the ticket for my Dad. TV was replaced by watching the Brothers try and cram a 20 minute conversation into 10 seconds, made more difficult because they found it difficult to be heard over the sound of my Dad pissing himself laughing at them from the sofa.

We kept the payphone for a couple of years, my Dad still says its the most fun he ever had with us.
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 4:55, 10 replies)

Hes a very clever man
I admire his genius
(i should have joined myspace, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 7:12, closed)

Respect
for your Dad.
(kitescreech still here, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 7:57, closed)

I agree
this would've worked on my lot too.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 8:53, closed)

My dad also tried this trick
Brother worked for BT so he brought one home from work one day. Unfortunately for him he didn't hide the key, so I used to use the same 10p
( pottybeaver is neither a potty nor a beaver, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 8:08, closed)

you used to be able to buy payphones in argos
they stopped doing them a couple of years ago. It seemed a shame
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 13:10, closed)

I'm with your dad on this one.

( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sun 26 Oct 2008, 14:06, closed)

Sounds great
He sounds not so much like he was tight - simply that he wanted to get some of his £250 back, and have some fun into the bargain :)
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 17:40, closed)

I want a payphone when my kids become teenagers
Not for the money savings, but for the sheer entertainment.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sun 26 Oct 2008, 18:00, closed)

This is really good writing!

Not just amusing (and understandable), but very vivid too.

Good stuff. Well worth a click.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:52, closed)

as the son of a skinflint father,
I say, if you cant afford children, dont fucking have them.

I would rather die alone (likely at current rate).
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 17:04, closed)