got a neighbour you realy hate?
want to piss them off with no evidence it was you?
simply by some of the ice melting crystals in the range, wilkinsons or aldi and before the snow reaches your area, silently creep on tippy toe and right on the front lawn with the crystals, there is usualy enough in one bag to write 'fuck of home you foreigner' or 'xxxx is a peado wanker and didnt touch me up when i was young and now i feel left out and unwanted' once the snow comes your handy work will amaze and behold and you will have left no tracks or trace. * **




may not work in day light or if they have cctv cameras or indeed you or they are under police surveilance
** do not be tempted to go back and correct any spelling or punctuation
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sat 4 Feb 2012, 18:29, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

prepare your elderly relatives for the
'unexpected' wintery weather by keeping them in a freezer until they have acclimatized to the cold
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sat 4 Feb 2012, 18:22, Reply)

make this years snow last longer by keeping it in the freezer and only
taking a look at it once in a while
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sat 4 Feb 2012, 18:21, Reply)

Driveing instructors save on ware and tear
of your cars interior by not shagging on the back seat *
and giving obese smelly people leasons **






both true * my instructor from 3 yrs back used to talk none stop about who he had done in the back seat and even forgot to clear the used knob sock on one occasion
a different instructor had a pupil who was very fat and smelly and unfortunately i had the lesson after fat man had been in the car and all you could smell was sweat netto beans and fags, was enough to make find a different instructor
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 13:43, Reply)

Ladies who've used the toilet,
sod the seat, put the lid down when you've finished you uncouth lot. What did you think it was for?

Next time we knock your electric toothbrush off the shelf and it drops in the bowl, were going to leave it there instead of giving it a quick rinse and putting it back. How'd you like that, huh?
( joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 11:14, Reply)

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat...
...by simply pissing in the sink.
(KarlToOnZ feels like crap on, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 10:45, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars.
Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
(KarlToOnZ feels like crap on, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 10:36, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Get your car washed for free
by lifting the wipers away from the windscreen when you leave your vehicle in any of our nation's fine public car parks.
( joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Lose weight effectively and permanently
by chopping your legs off
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 9:03, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Lose weight effectively and permanently by
eating healthily and exercising, you fat pig.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 11:35, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Get six times as many drugs for your money
By buying each gram on the moon.
(Eukanuba, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 15:59, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Driving around in a tank toting a machine gun all day will keep the doctor at least pretty wary of any sudden moves you might make, if not completely away.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 14:41, Reply)

dont do oven chips in a frying pan. they become poo.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 8:27, 5 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Fool people into thinking you're American
By being ignorant of all other countries and massively overweight
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 5:40, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

chewing a small piece of aluminium foil
is a fantastic way to make your sensitive teeth hurt like fuck
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 21:34, Reply)

In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court
for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The A-Team.
(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Sat 28 Jan 2012, 22:32, Reply)

Brussel Sprouts...
...wrapped in Ferrero Rocher gold foil wrappers make ideal healthy alternatives to sweets on halloween.
(3-hoops, Sat 28 Jan 2012, 20:47, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Frozen sprouts make a healthy alternative to gobstoppers.

(SillyMoo, Fri 27 Jan 2012, 21:09, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Never eat yellow snow

(SillyMoo, Fri 27 Jan 2012, 21:08, Reply)

Always warm down after a work out
Otherwise you might get cramp in your back whilst trying to wipe your arse, leaving you dirty and in an awkward predicament until the cramp subsides!!
( robbydogg - shabba best before end.., Fri 27 Jan 2012, 19:06, Reply)

Make wasps think they're bees by covering them with glue and rolling them gently in your bellybutton.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 27 Jan 2012, 12:22, Reply)

If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown: take a chance on me.
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 27 Jan 2012, 12:06, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Avoid hungry doctors.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 12:19, Reply)

Throwing apples at your doctor may give him an apple phobia

(bblgoose, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:46, Reply)

An apple a day MIGHT keep the doctor away IF he has an apple phobia THEN discovers you have apples.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:06, Reply)

An apple a day WILL keep the doctor away
if you throw them at him every time he comes near.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 15:22, Reply)

An apple a day won't keep the doctor away
Unless he has an apple phobia. I recommend a healthy diet, exercise and lots of sleep.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 13:58, Reply)

If you are Scotland
Start acting like a bolshy teenager with a controlling parent who's trying to lay down the law to you when they SO don't understand that you're a person too and you have your needs and YOUR RIGHTS. So if we want to move out THEN YOU CAN'T STOP US.

Just don't fucking come back with your dirty laundry in three months time and raid the fridge.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 11:28, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Do one thing every day that scars you.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 17:48, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)