My Wanking DisastersEver been caught by your mum? Or tried to fuck a pillow and got the spongey bits stuck to your bell-end creating a strange new flower? What about the time you man-milked the keyboard causing your PC to short-circuit and knocking out the mains for the whole street? Maybe you're a lady and you were using your mobile phone as a vibrator and accidentally dialed your mother? Tell us your stories and we'll tell the world.
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rob, Tue 1 Jun 2004, 17:23)
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Speed wankA few years back (about 7) my girlfriend lived up in a posh bit of Surrey, while I lived 70 miles away in Sussex. After one particularly frustrating and blue-ball inducing night with her on the sofa I set off home early on Sunday morning. I was driving back down the deserted M25 and came up with the stunning idea of rubbing out out while driving. I slid the seat back to get a bit of leg room, moved over to the slow lane and settled at a steady 70mph in my £600 Metro. Content with the conditions I unzipped myself and set to work. Everything was going fine, and I kept an eye on the rear view mirror. This little trick meant I had plenty of time to tuck the old chap away the few times a car overtook me.
As I was about to finish the job something happened that I hadn't planned, ploughing down on the left had side of me (and therefore completely out of view) from the slip road was a coach full of soldiers that got a birds eye view of me spunking my load all over myself and the dashboard while swerving across 3 lanes of motorway at the sudden approach of 50 overhead spectators.
(, Tue 1 Jun 2004, 22:41, Reply)
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