Valentine's Day.
The past two times I've had a reason to do anything for Valentine's day...I haven't. I consider it the ultimate waste of money, even money you'd normally spend on the exact same sort of thing on any other day.

My principles were long ago offended by the idea that I had to go out and buy a card, flowers, chocolates or jewellery (exercise your free will by picking two of four) on a certain day because it was expected.
I know this is an outdated rant and you've seen it before and blah blah blah card manufacturers but for the love of Christ, it really is the exact opposite of romance.
There's nothing loving and tender about doing something because you're supposed to rather than because you want to, and the unflinching automatic status of VD reduces it to having all the tender warmth of going down the shops for a pint of milk.

However, there is equally nothing romantic or loving about disappointing your loved one's expectations. The fact that you consider these expectations howl-dribblingly unreasonable is not...well it's...look, you're in a relationship with a woman here, pal, lest you forget.

Anyway, my tentative forays on this subject were met with exactly the kind of dismissal you'd expect, so I resolved to test exactly how dedicated they were to Valentine's Day at the expense of actual romance. So that's twice now that I've spent the week leading up to Feb 14th spoiling the relevant girl rotten, and then doing absolutely nothing whatsoever on the day itself. I broke out all the trappings you'd expect - wine, chocolates, candles, meals out, movies, little gifts...ect ect ect.

The first time, she twigged that something was up when I presented her with a fluffy red heart shaped cushion I'd cut and sewn myself and a bottle of wine.
"Falstaff, are you just doing this to get out of Valentine's Day?"
"Sort of. Is it working? :D"
"_{...shut up. Love you.}"
Romance ensued.

The second time, with a different Falstaffette, she threw a gigantic temper tantrum when nothing materialised on Valentine's. Pointing out all the other stuff I'd got her recently that was lying around had no effect. So, 1-1. I plan to try and score the winner some day.

Granted, I probably spent far more on this plan than I ever would have on the standard Clintons'n'Thorntons combo, but I don't consider it money wasted. Any reasonable human being would rather their boyfriend put some thought into it (number 2 wasn't a reasonable human being), which is a nice discovery to make. If I play my cards right, I may never have to do Valentine's Day again.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 9:34, 19 replies)

All true!
Fortunately my Missus is appalled by the flagrant price-doubling of just about anything to do with Valentine's day, so we make it an evening in usually, but a special one. We do the cards, cook a lovely meal, maybe a more expensive bottle of wine or three, and settle down for a film. Guess I'm lucky really.
(verynaughtyboy, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 10:01, closed)

Quite an interesting study.
I wish to subscribe to your Church of Love.

Thank goodness the other half thinks it's all as fake too!
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 10:06, closed)

We're talking about late-teens-early-twenties girls here.
Still got hearts in their eyes at that age, And knives, in the case of 2.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 10:08, closed)

Ah yes.
They expect Valentines day as a given.

And what do we get in return? (Scratch that, I'm old enough to remember fondly what a prime bit of rump tastes like.)
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 10:54, closed)

You could try pointing out that "Valentine's Day"
has the same initials as "Venereal Disease."

(I don't expect things to turn out favourably, I'm just keen to see what sort of reaction one might get.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 11:19, closed)

Alternatively
Make sure you contract syphilis, make the two-backed beast with the other half without any protection, then on February 14th give her a card which says "Happy VD" and know that your feelings are genuine.
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Sat 2 Oct 2010, 9:10, closed)

For "...all the tender warmth of going down the shops for a pint of milk."
I salute you.

Just the kind of thing I could imagine Charlie Brooker saying. Keep 'em coming dude, this is vallible information.
(AndyC4m Eject Eject [><], Fri 1 Oct 2010, 11:35, closed)

'I may never have to do Valentine's Day again'
that's because you're going to die alone, and be partially eaten by alsatians.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 11:37, closed)

Bridget Jones references get you negative points.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 12:29, closed)

And probably bummings too.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 12:30, closed)

I never thought I'd see the day
a Bridget Jones reference was given or understood on B3ta.

This is a dark day.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 13:18, closed)

bridget the what, now?
never read or seen it. sorry to disappoint.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 14:06, closed)

Is that the film when the whore got fat?
I liked her better when she was thin.
(waxdart hello., Fri 1 Oct 2010, 17:24, closed)

Spot on
Luckily, the missus and I share the same view, and as we have our birthdays just after Valentine's Day, we save our pennies for a meal out a couple of days later when the restaurants have restocked and aren't packed to the rafters with "romantic" couples.
(lolwhites, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 13:25, closed)

This, this, and this again.
I try and do the same thing at Christmas, but always crumble under the "grumpy stingy bastard" accusations slung at me from all quarters.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 13:35, closed)

It took me a couple of seconds to realise that "VD" = Valentine's Day

( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 13:40, closed)

The missus isn't too picky about VD as long as I do something,
anything, that's somewhat romantic or relaxing. She enjoys dates and time spent together so she gets excited at the idea.
Yet I'll really have to make up for last year:
I left her at my parents' house with our 11 day old daugther so she could babysit their dogs while they were out of country, and I did some running around in town, checking up on our own pets at home, etc. Got back late in the evening, skipped supper, had an argument, played PS3 alone and went to bed angry.
Will take much cliche'd romantic fluff to make up for that one.
(Turtlenuts, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 15:24, closed)

I don't do Valentine's Day either. It's stupid and impersonal.
Me and my man give each other gifts when we want *because* we want to. I would find a card insulting, flowers odd as they're dying plants, and chocolates horrid as I have a hard time not stuffing my face as it is. He bought me a mini telescope the other week and I bloody love it. He thought of me and got me it. That's much more romantic.

Ban the horrid day and be done with it! And shoot the women in the face who turn at me and look at me with pity, derision and confusion when they find out I didn't do anything on it. ~stamps about spying things with her mini telescope~
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 16:47, closed)

I agree but...
...I'll never risk trying to live up to my beliefs.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Fri 1 Oct 2010, 17:26, closed)