Does the law states that your first is a nutter?
Well yeah, ive been reading on here and it looks that way!

My first proper girlfriend was (at first) ok, but during the next year that i spent with her, she had made my whole family argue with each other, made me argue with her, faked pregnancy a total of 4 times in about 8 months of doing dirty deeds.......and to top it al off refused to give me oral sex any more!!!!

So i (actually being a nice guy) had found somebody else, but wasnt about to have a tarnished record by cheating on sombody, rang her with the "We need to talk...", which the converstation mainly consisted of me telling her i dont love her any more, i was a bit young to be going through all of this ( 16\17 at the time) and (she was talking about babies, marrige and moving in.....at 16 FFS!!) that i dident want to be with. At this point its all over the phone as i wanted to save her a one hour bus journy because shed have to go home afterwards, for again an hour, cryin like an idiot. But she suggested that she come down, and then it took me 2 M'fing days to get rid of her , (as in tell her to go home), but me being me i still acted all nice not to offend her greatly (early on in the relationship she had told me she used to self harm) so i was worried about her killing her self or something.

Long story short, she fucked off , tried the "ill go out with somebody else to get him back" card, which dident work as i dont care anymore, and im now with a great girl who went through the same shite with a guy, so we udnerstand what goes on with each other........and im about to move in with her! wooooooo.

Indeed

Girth
(Da[]\[][]\[]Y Well.....That was nice, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 14:41, Reply)

hmmmmmm
you have to say or do something that invokes a response from the moderator!!
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 14:36, Reply)

Mod Edit?
Go waaay off topic and/or argue with the mods.

Mind you, that could result in something worse than a mod-edit. You could be put on the Naughty Step.....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 14:35, Reply)

how
does one go about getting a "mod edit"? i've always wanted one of those...

Mod edit: like this? Easy.

hoorah! crap, now i have to find a new goal in life that is lower than this one.....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 14:32, Reply)

WNTT
b3ta, we need two questions a week, as Thursdays are generally terrible.

If you dont conform to this, or at least change the damnedable QOTW on time, then we may have to go our seperate ways.......

and yet, I still love you *sob*


Mod edit: hang in there - I'm stuggling through flu to update the question. *coughs dramatically*
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 14:21, Reply)

Mind you
...at least I talked with the her. I had one crazy ex, who communicated her annoyance and raging jealousy by launching several bottles and pint glasses in my general direction. Actions speak louder than words I guess.
(badfiremonkey, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 14:17, Reply)

It was a talk about a talk
Split up with the love of my life one fine summer's evening last year, all due to wanting to talk about when we could talk about moving in.
Me: So, can we at least set a date we can talk about it?
Her: I don't think you'll like it.
Me (sinking feeling): Why, are you going to say no?
Her: Yes. I love you lots, but I'm not sure you're the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

Big, stinking arse bags. After nearly 4 years of wonderful relationship, it took about 3 sentences to destroy it. Wasn't even a problem with our relationship at the time, just worries about the future.
And in the past 8 1/2 months since, I've managed not to phone or text her. Sent her a birthday card, but no real communication. Took a lot of effort, but boy, does it suck. But hopefully considerably less than if I'd tried to contact her. i certainly hope so, otherwise I've put myself through a lot of grief for little gain. Still miss her. Apologies for being a bit miserable, but I guess we really don't need to talk.

Length, bah. Too long was part of the problem.
(badfiremonkey, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 14:14, Reply)

Legless - more dodgy domain names
Here's a few...

A database for agencies to the rich
and famous:
www.whorepresents.com

The "Experts Exchange", a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views:
www.expertsexchange.com

Looking for a pen? Look no further than "Pen Island":
www.penisland.net

Need a therapist? Try:
www.therapistfinder.com

And there is an Italian Power-Generation company:
www.powergenitalia.com

Finally we have my personal favourite the "Mole Station Nursery", based in New South
Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 26 Apr 2007, 14:13, Reply)

While we're waiting for the next topic...
I've amended the Wikipedia entry on b3ta to give more info on our beloved QOTW. My amends were still there as of 1 minute ago.
(Fothermucker, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 14:07, Reply)

WNTT?
has anybody yet been 'outed' by managermental as a B3tard????
(mickturate if i could be arsed i'd be bored, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 13:46, Reply)

My Boss "Can I 'ave a word?"
Getting sacked by my boss for not being "up-to-speed" the fortnight after my Dad died while having "a private chat" stood on the rooftop of a building in Angel, Islington that overlooks a Taxidermist four storeys below.

The boss was Steve Puxley, the company was Cimex. Nice guy.

Legend has it he also consoled a female colleague who's cat had just died with the words "I once ran over a cat... and I had to reverse over it, you know... it's the kindest thing to do."
(Error 404 - Username Unknown, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 13:39, Reply)

Late entry. Won't win anything. But...
My Dad decided to bring it up over dinner that he found a condom in my old room back home. Expecting to embarrass me, he was shocked when I replied "isn't that better than not finding one?"

I shocked him again later when I was glad he hadn't found my STD appointment card.
(__, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 13:35, Reply)

Athlete's Cock
"We have to talk, you know that guy everyone was laughing about last night? You know the one who used to wank into a sock until his knob went green and crusty and the doctor diagnosed him with Athlete's Foot of the cock? Well he's just arrived. Don't mention it."
(Error 404 - Username Unknown, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 13:33, Reply)

Hello Dublin, here are the scores from the Croatian Judges... frankspencer - 14, apeloverage - 12, Fatima Whitbread's hardon - nil poi
(The Goat www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 12:40, Reply)

I love to use that phrase...
Me and my boyfriend have been going through a rough patch recently, he keeps saying he's going to move out cause I piss him off too much. Anyway, eveytime he goes missing I ring him and I ask where he is... "none of your business" is the response. He went to BLACKPOOL for the WEEKEND and didn't tell me, we live together for fucks sake! Eveytime I say we need to talk he goes into ARSE mode and avoids me. When I trap him at home and get him to talk to me it involves him saying h's going and me crying and begging him not to go, pathetic really. We seem to be getting on OK recently though if any1 cares :-D plus I won a dishwasher at work, I wont have to moan at him about doing his fair share of pots anymore :-P
(amy_metc4lf, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 12:23, Reply)

We Need To Talk
.
We really need to think more carefully when choosing domain names.

www.therapistfinder.com/

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 12:13, Reply)

More silly job titles
Off topic I know, but if other people can tell us their silly job titles so can I; I was once a "Crew Member" at a local nightclub.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 11:19, Reply)

WNTT
I hate it - I really do.

It's wrong, unfair and makes for uncomfortably long silences. It's painful and leads to much upset.

Soz - I'm a tad bitter (and hungover) this morning.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 11:13, Reply)

last Crythtaltips (promise)
She said 'WNTT' after 'forgetting' to lodge her diaphragm properly; she was X months up the duff and 'what thhould we do?' was on her lips.
i ummed, err'd and suggested that as a) I was a skint student
b) not sure where she & I were headed....
c) but that I would be supportive. "whatever she chose to do" (give me a break, I was only a trainee cunt in those days)

So she (convent educated) went off and did the abortion & moved into Tharas house, Thara was firmly T&G* and always but always would give me the fisheye whenever i stopped by.
So,
we eventually stopped-carefully-doing the two backed beast, stopped going out and drifted apart.
I found A.N. Other and I thought she'd found love in Thara.
wibbly lines: 6 months or so later on
in pub: 'Oh Hello, how are you?' its Crystaltips;
we talk of stuff and she tells me that her & Thara was not a big thing, that Thara liked manjuice but not the delivery system, that she and Crythtaltipth would get it on after she & I had made the 2backed beast and after I'd stopped the er, milk round, Thara had lost interest...
oh and by the way: 'I still love you and would do anything to get back together again'
not WNTT but WDNTT
I'm still stuck with that sapphic image in me head of Thara getting sloppy seconds-BTW I didn't get back with her.

T&G* = tongue and groove
(mickturate if i could be arsed i'd be bored, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 10:27, Reply)

It was my brother finally ending the on-again, off-again romance
She was a bit of a slut and used fake pregnancies to try and get her ways. When he found her car at the other guy's place early one morning, he simply left a note (I would have smashed the windshield with a brick around it so she'd notice) and packed his stuff at hoime and returned to New Orelans from Chicago -- some 10 hours or so in the early morning without sleep.
She called my parents' place, then his repeatedly. When he bothered to answer once, she delivered the passive-agressive, "you can do better than me" expecting him to shore her up emotionally.
He simply agreed and hung up.
Nice move.
(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 9:27, Reply)

Just going back off topic for a moment
I got a text from a mate just now to say he'd heard a great expression on the radio: self-generated audio.

Singing to oneself.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 9:24, Reply)

"We need to talk"
"No, we don't. You're a disgusting, fat, selfish bitch with no morals, no respect for anyone, no potential and probably a few STD's, too. Bye."

And with that I drove off and left her in the middle of Manchester.

Brutal honesty FTW.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 9:22, Reply)

when me and my boyfriend first got together...

we asked his parents if we could talk and could they come and sit down.
We asked if we could borrow a little bit of money to go on hoilday with.

They said, with much relieve, yes how ever much you want, we thought you were pregnant.
(rubber sponge In Austria they call normal bread 'toast', Thu 26 Apr 2007, 9:09, Reply)

Absinth makes the heart grow fonder ...
Long distance (200+ miles) with a wonderful girl for about 3 years. Only got to see her for about 1 weekend every 6 weeks due to work / wife / rock'n'roll commitments.

Then one visit she is very distant emotionally. I thought she was just having one of her hormonal 'down' days as she sometimes did, which also normally result in no sex as well.

Then, bag packed for the return home on Sunday afternoon I am just about to walk to the train station when she finally gets the courage to say it:

Her: "We need to talk ..."
Me: "Can we still be friends?"
Her: "Yes, you damn fool!"

She knew she was breaking both our hearts, but it wasn't going to be able to carry on like that anymore. I kept it together for the 3 hour journey, got through the front door and cried so hard I puked. Lucky the wife was away for the weekend as well!

2 months after that the wife left me and shacked up with someone else. I didn't shed a tear. Hmmmmmmmm.
(Dionysian Aut viam inveniam aut faciam, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 6:42, Reply)

Workboresme, step into my office, we need to talk
This is on the 2nd day of my new job I started in February as executive assistant to the owner of the company.

"WBM, I asked you to make this file for me yesterday, why didn't you?"
"Boss, I made it and filed it in your filing cabinet. Oh, and I put the files in alphabetical order because you had messed them up"
"Thanks, WBM, I knew you'd make a great assistant"
"That reminds me, Boss, I also put all your engineering crap into tubs and labeled them"
"See, WBM, I knew we needed this talk"
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 2:40, Reply)

A sort of confessiony "we need to talk"...
I used the "we need to talk tactic" to get out of one of those awkward first 'longer than three months' relationships....

It took two hours to work up the nerve to phone her....thirty seconds to bring our "relationship" crashing down. A brief dialogue goes like this:

Me: We need to talk
Her: Is it bad?
Me: *after long silence* Yes

Get to meeting place (the park, it was the mid-point.....honest)She's already crying, brief hug, she drops the "I love you" bomb. What did I do? What could I do? I wandered off with a new found sense of guilt of course. This is because of the why behind the "we need to talk".

What I said was "We need to talk since I haven't seen you for more than five minutes in the last two weeks. I think we should break up"

What I meant to say was "We need to talk. I think we should break up because you introduced me to your friends and family as someone who you expect to be around for a lot longer than I intend to be around and your dad has weirdly started treating me like a son in-law. I also said I love you whilst in your bedroom because I'm a horny 17 year old who wanted sex and you've taken it way too serious. It also has a lot to do with the massive amount of pubic hair you have, I don't know how to bring this up with you without feeling completely awkward in my own skin as I'm 17 and your massive bush scares me. Also there's this girl in college who will obviously let me do stuff with her, and I don't have to say 'I love you' in her bedroom, and I think she has a shaven haven, which still scares me but I think I'll know what I'm doing with lady bits if I can actually see them. It's not me, it's definately you!"

Turns out, college girl was totally insane. I went out with her for a year and her haven was indeed shaven. I didn't need to say 'I love you' to her, I did have to say 'take your finger out of there' on one occasion and 'please stop hitting me' on many others. I had many "we have to talk" moments with her, my favourite being the revenge for my witnessing her cheating on me. I screwed her brains out, done every dirty thing I liked with her and rolled over for the post-coital catching of breath. She says "I love you" I say "we have to talk" cue a nice emotional scarring for her and some dignity for me.

A few months later I met a fantastic girl. We went on holiday to Mexico after a few years of dating and on the first night I say "we have to talk"....cue a long talk about all the good she's done for me and how I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I produce engagement ring, and she says.............

Press 'I like this' for the answer.

So I Press 'I like this' and she says "Yes"

Apologies for the mammoth length of this, I've just finished a dissertation and it looked shorter in comparison. They always look shorter in comparison....
(Stevros, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 2:27, Reply)

We hav to talk
I rememba when I got a fone call from my daughter's skool askin me to go in for a chat 1 day.

The teacha was aparently worryd that she had learnin difficulties due to the standard of her homewurk,

I kept it quiet that i usualie help her wif it.
(Fatima Whitbread's hardon drugs and the causes of drugs, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 2:06, Reply)

You Miserable Bastardsquads
You treat the 'We need to talk' talk as if it were a bad thing. Imagine if someone had 'had a talk' with Seung Hi-Cho


...............nah it wouldnt be as funny that way
(Papa Chocolat, Wed 25 Apr 2007, 23:06, Reply)

I need to talk
to you about how i'm breaking up with you.

My courage comes from a double Laphroaig without ice or mixer, and yes we will do this walking home - I can't be arsed forking out for a taxi.

No, it's because things have come to an abrupt end. I'm getting tired of things, we've been in a stable and frankly sex-charged relationship for 4 years now.

No, there has only been one other and we (as in you and I) ended that once and for all. I think i just want to be single, i need some time out.

I'm going to a meetup with some folks from my forum, you helped me plan it so i could fox my parents. No, i don't need you to pick me up or anything - i can sort myself out getting home.

Don't worry, when i get back in a few days we can meet up for coffee or somesuch beverage and discuss our issues. No no, there are only /my/ issues.

*cue flight to Leeds, not London*
*cue logistical phone calls to the 'other woman'*
*cue satisfactory end to relationship*

Yes, i was that motherhubbard that uttered 'we need to talk'. And yes, i was lying to her through my teeth. There was, of course, only one other and she had slid to the backburner whilst i'd sorted my own stuff out over a two year period. She'd helped me orchestrate the 'meetup with forum folks' and had helped me plan the whole visit to hers 3 weeks in advance.

By that time i'd cleared my monetary concerns with the then-girlfriend (she owed me 200 buck) and managed to Shanghai most of my gear from her place. All the while plugging her in the furry front and dark star to my own pleasure.

I'll admit, i'm a c*nt. I'll admit, she's happier now with her super-clingy and probably equally as alcoholic new boyfriend.

And me? Well, i'm in love. Have been for nearly 3 years of our two year relationship. And better still, she's not expecting an engagement ring come August.

Why not? Because that'd be giving away the surprise.
(Schumann makes awesome quiches., Wed 25 Apr 2007, 22:56, Reply)

Guilt
When the "we have to talk" is used, I usually feel uncontrollable guilt and go "Mmhm?" with a blank face whilst racking my brains for what I possibly could have done. This is probably since my parents have the same pained, serious expression on their face whether they are asking "Could you empty the dishwasher more?" or "Why have you failed this subject?" or "Where were you really last night?" or the terrible interrogations about sex and contraceptives, ect. Eventually, this will kill me as there is no way of anticipating when this phrase is the start of something actually important.

As a result, I'm quite blunt in relationships. Sorry, no amusing anecdote about how I wittily turned my psychotic / emotionally manipulative girlfriend's "we have to talk" speech on its head.
(ladyintheradiator, Wed 25 Apr 2007, 22:39, Reply)