Positive thinking weirdness
Back in my early twenties, I was sent on a 3-day sales training course by my employer. It was one of those naff motivational courses that culminates in you punching your way through a piece of wood.

One of the sessions was based on the power of positive thinking, and the group while standing in a circle were asked to close their eyes and think of the one time in their life they were at their most happiest (to the tune of some specially chosen song by Enya).

The coach then asked us all to perform some kind of ritual or gesture now that our frame of mind was at its most positive. I felt a bit embarrassed, so fractionally opening an eye, I caught a glimpse of what the other guys were doing.

It was all a bit weird frankly. One was hopping up and down, another swinging an imaginary sword, a third crouched down low rocking gently. I decided to clasp my hands behind my head and waggle my elbows in front of my face (think Ross from Friends). I felt like a berk, but satisfied that I wasn't the worst in the room.

Once we had returned to the land of the normal, the coach explained that our chosen gesture would now be forever linked to our personal state of positivity. Should we ever need to gee ourselves up for an important meeting or occasion, we should just crack out the gesture and all would be well.

The thing is, this shit actually works and I've used it on many, many occasions over the years to settle nerves and help prepare for an important pitch.

So if you ever see a bloke in the toilets of your office with his eyes closed, doing some odd chicken impression, please don't call security, just leave him be.
(BinDipper, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 14:34, 10 replies)

There are not words
to describe the speed at which my employer, telling me to go on a motivational course, would be told to go fuck themselves.
(username failed moderation, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 15:19, closed)

Just think of it
as a paid day out of the office. Or three days in this case.
( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 15:38, closed)

Well, so long as I could spend the 3 days
at home, no problem.

It'd certainly be more motivational.
(username failed moderation, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 16:54, closed)

I spent a week learning to fly gliders with all the costs covered by my company
so I could "learn about the workload in a cockpit". I did have to take it as annual leave, but it was a price I was willing to pay.
Not all "motivational training" is crap.
( P-MONKE We're all fucked, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 18:24, closed)

That one I'd go for
It's the being harangued by some tracksuit wearing dickhead who isn't happy about the way you've tied 4 plastic barrels together to get 28 feet across an ornamental pond that I'd object to.

I'd motivate him alright - he'd be very keen on changing out of his wet muddy tracksuit.
(username failed moderation, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:56, closed)

Have to say
I am with you on that one, mr username.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 22:29, closed)

I like this.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 19 Dec 2011, 15:53, closed)

*Approves*
I did read the last bit as you choking the chicken in the office toilets though. Of course I wouldn't call security, they are too busy wanking over grainy cctv images of the fit bird from accounts bending over to pick up some papers.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 20:18, closed)

Don't you mean 'most postivest'?
Like 'most happiest'?
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 22:43, closed)

When you say "odd chicken impression".
Is it anything like the dancing guy at the start of this video?
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 23:41, closed)