This counts, and I don't care who says otherwise
My best mate works at Jewsons, right. Yesterday - May the 4th - he was asked by his yard manager to contact the sand people about a delivery. The sand people. On May the 4th.

He wins because he replied "There's no-one there at the moment, but they'll soon be back, and in greater numbers."
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 May 2011, 10:10, 15 replies)

Yes!

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 5 May 2011, 10:15, closed)

Marvellous!
He could get trumped today though,
"Revenge of the 5th".
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Thu 5 May 2011, 10:17, closed)

Whether true or not
I am voting for this.
(username failed moderation, Thu 5 May 2011, 10:26, closed)

Thank you!
It actually is true, according to him at least, and frankly I have no reason to disbelieve him. It is exactly the sort of thing he'd say. What's more worrying is that I guessed his response (save for the "There's no-one there" part) before he told me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 May 2011, 10:30, closed)

There's a geek at work who's always quoting sci-fi references.
Sometimes he prompts people to acknowledge them, saying "No? Anyone? Deep Space Nine?" or whatever.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 May 2011, 11:05, closed)

He must be beating off frothing clunge with a shitty stick

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 May 2011, 11:08, closed)

What is fantastic is he claims he has to.
He's in his late 40s, speaks in a monotone, is rudely sarcastic, only ever wears old stained t-shirts and tracksuit trousers, and is nicknamed Catweazle behind his back due to his apparent hygiene allergy.

If given the opportunity he will tell you about all the women he's shagged, and how all gay men fancy him.

What's amusing is, he's for real. I maintain that if you'd written his character into The Office, it would have been binned for being too unrealistic.

EDIT: Incidentally, this story is absolute win, by the way, and I've clicked it because it's ace and well-told.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 May 2011, 11:17, closed)

I'd like to say everyone knows someone like that
but we all know someone a BIT like that, but nowhere near as bad. You lucky bastard.

Edit: Thank you!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 May 2011, 11:21, closed)

I don't
Oh shit, that means it must be me...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 5 May 2011, 12:30, closed)

You work at my place
aicmfp
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 5 May 2011, 11:44, closed)

Not so much "work", as
"hang around outside, waiting to follow you home"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 May 2011, 12:22, closed)

Feh
well I'm leaving a bit early today and I can't hang around for you
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 5 May 2011, 14:30, closed)

OK, so it's not really answering the question..
..but it made me laugh.
So have a click.
(greatoldone Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl f'tagn, Thu 5 May 2011, 11:18, closed)

absolutely awesome

( parttimedogfish is a Born-Again Reincarnationist, Thu 5 May 2011, 11:50, closed)

jesus fucking wept.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 5 May 2011, 12:33, closed)