'Wrong-Hole Joel'
..so named because he 'missed' a girls mifty and accidentally rammed his digit up her arsehole.

Sometimes known and sung as 'Brownfinger' to the tune of the James Bond classic.
(Fonkadelix is fucking bored, pass the crack pipe Mavis., Thu 18 May 2006, 17:25, Reply)

MontyyouterribleCUNT
You flatter me.






(ahahaaaahaaa).
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:23, Reply)

Sore point
During a game of Ring of Fire a friend had brought his wee brother + friends up to partake in the drinking. During the course of the game Brian was especially zealous in catching me out so when it came to my turn to make a rule I decided to make a rule that would catch him out. I was taking rather a long time to think of the rule, and was asked why, I replied 'Oh I'm just trying to think of a rule to annoy Brian', so Brian responded 'Bring it on'.

So I decided that hereafter Brian was to be referred to as 'Cuntface'. This rule was later amended to "Any pronoun referring to Cuntface must be replaced by 'Cuntface'." which meant Brian had to call himself Cuntface. No-one thought it would last beyond the evening, but 2 years on Brian is still referred to as Cuntface by Steve's wee brother and his friends who decided to come to the same uni as us and decided to spread the message. I tried apologising but I don't think it helped.
(thePontificator, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:22, Reply)

I used to collect nicknames like some people collect stamps
Let's see how many I can remember

Herman, Lurch, Daddy Long Legs, Big Ian (Well obviously), Eegee, Spaz, Cabbage, Flid, Yep Yep, Tart, Munster, Womble, Lackanaka, Teddy (Just don't even ask) and Brain Surgeon

I did better than my mate though who's nickname was Dr Shit
( Big Ian has stopped changing his sig, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:21, Reply)

Nettle Rash
When I was 12, I was at a Scouts competition at Downe Campsite, near Biggin Hill. I had to rush over to a evening meeting as part of the competition.

I was running a bit late, and against advice, I ran there in there in the dark, in a tshirt and shorts.

When I turned up, I had uncontrollable itching just above my knees. As it turned out, what I thought was a badly kept field turned out to be a near meadow of stinging nettles.

For the rest of my time there, I was known as Nettle Rash. After this happened, I wore jeans for the rest of the weekend to hide the fact that the abrasions looked like genital warts.

Fun.
( Admiral Drew Peacock is back, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:19, Reply)

Enrico
My ex was known around the club scene in Melbourne years ago as 'Enrico'.. He'd go into bars and bar staff and bouncers etc would call him 'Enrico'. "HEY! Enrico!!"
I'm not really sure how it started, actually...
It went on and on for a good, solid six months to one year, where he'd refuse to answer to anything but 'Enrico'.
Finally he got bored and reverted back to his birth name - which is Matthew.
(MsRosalita, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:18, Reply)

Theres a chap who hails from Bristle City
who suffers from some of the worst facial disfigurement I have ever seen. So bad in fact that when I first saw him (from the relative comfort of a speeding car) I actually screamed a little bit. On the spot I rather cruelly christened him 'Badly drawn boy' and the name has stuck
( hypnochimp, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:18, Reply)

Lionel Itchie and the Bevan bandits
A couple of stand outs from my school days.

My games teacher, Lionel Daniels, had the great habit of constantly having his hand down the front of his trousers scratching and juggling his love spuds. Now forever known as Lionel Itchie.
(Still teaches, still called it).

Also A lad called Bevan who was caught in a compromising position with another lad behind the gym. He didn't earn a nickname just a school life of misery but, his name lives on as any ghey behaviour will still to this day be met with cries of "Bevan!"

(school was 18 years ago)
(Dr Knievil, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:18, Reply)

oh and mine was...
blow job giving helmet head.

the "helmet head" was because of a baaaad haircut.

the blow job bit speaks for itself!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:17, Reply)

A guy in my school, called Bruce,
was nicknamed George, as in George W 'Bruce'. Inventive...
( Christian Bale of Hay in a field, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:16, Reply)

page 3
i call my dad page 3 because he has
huge man tits and if he didn't look like
uncle fester from the adams family
he'd be the perfect page 3 model.
other nicknames for my dad include:
lard of the dance
michael fatly
(he's good at dance mat games)
uncle fester
(torture bunny lives under the kitchen sink, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:16, Reply)

Mars Bars
Girl in my school (year above) was called Marsy, as she'd give you a hand job for a Mars Bar.
(suntoucher, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:15, Reply)

After moving house...
When I was 10 I started a new school and was given my first nickname - 'firtree'. It sounds random but there is acutally a story behind it (created by my friend who has slightly twisted logic). My name is jen so my friend naturally assumed adding 'tree' to the end of my full name jennifer made sense, so I became 'jennyfirtree'. Unfortunately it has stuck (I am now 20) and it can be quite embarrassing trying to explain it, as this one friend is the only person who still uses the name. But I could never think of anything funny to call her...
(wench, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:15, Reply)

Borgy...
...after the Swedish tennis legend, due to a passing resemblence, if you squinted a bit, five years ago, and a famous night out involving a lesbian (because clearly all Swedes are studs / pornstars!).

Much better than the rest of my football team, whose nicknames were selected by a keen ProEvo player, who inputted the team into his copy of the game and then had to select similar sounding names for the commentary. Hence, my mate Russell is now known as Rozu (apparently the name of some obscure footballer).

Length? Girth? No apologies!
( flapdoodle toast FTW!, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:13, Reply)

blah
I was called Blah at primary school, because I talked crap a lot and also because my surname is Blair and I can't pronounce it due to a speech defect (some call it a bur, some call it spazziness).

Worst nickname (in terms of annoyance factor anyway) I ever had was when I had flu and came back to school with a lot of cold sores and constant application of chapsticks to prevent any further ones resulting in a somewhat comical appearance. I was then called 'Big Chief Five Lips' for a few months.
(thePontificator, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:13, Reply)

Mystery Bob
Back in 1999 I started working for a high street bank and within a couple of weeks the London sales team came down to Bristol to take us out for a piss up. Across a crowded pub one financial adviser shouted out, “Bob, what do you want to drink!?”. As my name is Ben this caused much hilarity among my co-workers and I was Bob for the rest of the night, then the rest of the week, then forever.

I was Bob. Everybody called me Bob. Managers called me Bob, notes were left “Bob can you call so-and-so”, I was introduced as Bob. It actually seemed to increase my popularity, I would walk into a pub and there would be cries of BOB!!! From people I barely knew. When I told people my name was Ben they would look at me incredulously and say “No way, you’re Bob”.

Six months later it was Christmas and I had given in. I was Bob. To avoid offence I sent Christmas cards to everybody on my floor of the building, even to the teams I didn’t actively work with, and when I signed my name, I was (you guessed it) Bob.

The next morning I was walking through the office when I noticed there was a commotion going on the other side of the office, feeling curious I went over for a looksee. All the lovely ladies were laughing and gossiping and generally doing sod all work. “What’s going on?” I asked. The lovely Louise looked at me with her excited sparkly eyes and said, “Somebody called Bob has sent us all Christmas cards!”

“I’m Bob” I proudly stated, awaiting my imminent adulation from everyone. There was a moments silence…“Oh” said Louise not even trying to hide her disappointment. Everyone put their cards down and got back to work. Self-confidence stripped much? Much too much.

Six months later and it was my last day. Everyone had signed my leaving card “To Bob…” However, when I resigned I must have resigned my nickname because I have never been called Bob since, even when I meet ex-colleagues for a drink.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:13, Reply)

girl in my year at school
was called "fish patty pants"

because she smelled like a whore's drawers.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:08, Reply)

There's a girl I know
who usually has some style, but for reasons best known to herself she also owns several thick tweed suits. They look a lot like they were made out of carpets. Hence my nickname for her, Carpet World.

It doesn't help that she has a handbag made out of curtains.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:06, Reply)

OK, picture a mountain biking accident many years ago
Friend of mine (called Basil, so that's a bad start anyway), out riding, he got his weight a bit low over the rear tyre going quickly down a steep drop-off .. he was wearing loose shorts .. 3" gash in the scrotum, right testicle drops out. Somehow gets to hospital with the other pod intact but the right one has to go, too much risk of infection or something

You'd think some sympathy perhaps? Oh good God no. For the rest of his natural, this chap will be known as Womble.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:05, Reply)

Ankles
The brother of a mate of mine had a reputation of stealing peoples cd's, including mine. Everyone in my High School called him "Ankles", because he was three feet lower than a cunt.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:03, Reply)

I was called "Quiche"
Yes. Quiche.

Apparently it was because I had very very short hair. And no, I don't really get the logic either.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:03, Reply)

Sandwich Bitch
My current nickname was bestowed upon me by a tramp.

One summer evening three years ago, I walked straight from work to meet some friends in a pub in Kentish Town. Remembering to line my stomach first(it was a school night), I popped into a fast food establishment (Kentish Fried Chicken?) for a guilty pleasure.

As I walked past the gazebo at Kentish Town tube, mumbling on a chicken burger, a street drinker eyed me with utter disdain. Thumping down his bottle of White Ace on the pavement, he reared unsteadily to his feet. Waving his finger angrily in my general direction, he roared...

"Ahh... yu fugg... yu fuggin'... SANDWICH BITCH"

...before crashing back down on the pavement, with a self-righteous nod to himself.

Well, my ghast was flabbered, and unfortunately I made the mistake of telling one my mates (who I work with) and it stuck.

At least they just call me Sandwich for short.
( weebear1974 discovering the joy of cat rape since, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:01, Reply)

.....nestled in ginger pubes
There have been many great nicknames in my life, how could I ever forget Manky Barber, Joker Smith, Jonny Two Man, Burgy Meyer, Gipper Lewis and Matt "Dirty Horse" Kewitz.

But the most memorable by far was Ted's nickname, which occurred when Graeme Dickinson happened to catch a glimpse of Ted's less than generously sized circumcised penis whilst in a pub toilet.

And from then he was Crimson Acorn.
( fr13day has everything required to be a Penguin, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:00, Reply)

Pebbles and Bam Bam
One of my mates is called Pebbles, because she tripped over a minute stone on a Duke of Edinburgh's expedition and fell a long way down a hill. The name stuck.

At a slightly later point, she started going out with this huge hulk of a lad (was about six foot two at the age of 15, and not exactly scrawny). He automatically became Bam Bam. They've split up now, but the nicknames remain.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Thu 18 May 2006, 17:00, Reply)

In front of my FRIENDS!?
My mother used to call me and my brother "Froo-froo" and "Fluff". She is fond of cutesy madness.
Okay, you grow up with it, you tolerate it - in the privacy of the home.
You get to be 13, going out with your mates, and she call you that within earshot of them..?

Not cool, mother. Not cool.
( no cake for the impuritay Patrick Stewart hasn't aged since, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:58, Reply)

Harsh
My mate Dave had a friend with no arms when he was growing up in Worksop who went by the name of Flid. Apparently he was a hit in the school football team because he didn't have as much weight to carry around and could burn up and down the pitch.
(mudflaps, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:58, Reply)

Well.....
Can't remember his real name, I'll call him Fred, but there was this guy at school we called Piss Head. Not because he had a drink problem and drank 15 cans of Stella everyday; but simply because at one of the Boys Club discos, someone (wasn't me, honest!!!) decided to piss into an empty cider bottle and pass it on to Fred.

Fred then, as you would, took a substantial drink from the bottle of piss and was promptly laughed at by all those that knew about the bottle's content. It was at this point that he experienced the first usage of his new nickname "Piss Head". I think it stuck with him for the next 2 years.
( Hownumbsyabutt numbing things down, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:57, Reply)

I was helping out at a Cub Scout camp...
We were on a 'midnight hike' (ie 9.30pm) and having a nice wander and chat with the kids. One 8 year-old lad engaged me and the leader in charge in a conversation about animals. We got onto the subject of voles. Out of nowhere, he suddenly said "I wonder what it would be like to push a vole up your bottom?".

You could have cut the silence with a knife.

That was about 25 years ago. We still refer to him as 'Voletrousers' and he's got no idea why.
( Zaphod's Wombat - Never did quite get the hang of, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:57, Reply)

My name is, my name is
When I started at college we were all getting to know one another when one lad asked me my name,
"Fraz" I said,for that is my nickname that i like.
"Well I dont like that that really,we will call you Frank" said college lad.

After fine munting years I still get called "Frank" by them
I fart in your general direction !
(Factorypilot This,Now,Before,After, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:56, Reply)

FlatteredBaps
just read your 1st post- will you marry me?
( MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:56, Reply)