Once, Twice, Ten Times A Nickname
Bloke at Uni called Tenners (short for Ten-Wanks) because he once admitted to trying to wank ten times a day.

Also knew a lad once who everyone called Dofer (rhymes with Gopher). No-one, even him, had any idea why. There was a song which went "Dofer's gonna sh!t his kegs" 'cause he didn't want to use the outside toilet at a scout camp.
(Matfo, Thu 18 May 2006, 19:18, Reply)

At high school
There was a kid everyone called Goat (not to be confused with Goatse) because he lived on a farm.

He wasn't in my class, but everyone knew him just for the name. After almost four years I found out his real name was Mark.

Not incredibly interesting, but still.. imagine being called Goat for four years.
(thick as a brick I think a no, I mean a yes, but it's all wrong, Thu 18 May 2006, 19:18, Reply)

I've
had a variety of nicknames over the years, most coming from my dear beloved family.

My dad's affectionate nicknames for me started out as 'Flora' when I was very young (I was confused; I thought he meant the margarine), to Rat ass now I'm older.

My brother used to call me 'Hessy McGregor' (after that farmer out of Peter Rabbit) and he even had a taunt that went 'Hessy McGreeeegor, dun dun'. He also called me 'Smidge' because apparently I'm not big enough to be a smudge.

And my mum calls me 'Face ache' to this day. Luckily my other brother dosen't call me anything; then again he's Autistic so just hits me instead.

At work I get called Pepper. Because of my love for Dr. Pepper I assume, unless they're all secret Brian Peppers fans.

I would apologise for length, but apparently I'm only a smidge.
(Wheeler back off Amazon, she's mine!, Thu 18 May 2006, 19:17, Reply)

Dags.
My auntie calls me Dags.

It wasn't until recently that I found that it was in fact a word with another meaning.


Back in school, there was a guy I and a friend used to take the piss out of all the time. Called him Ben the hen, clucker, feathers, chicken tonight, eggs, etc. He really didn't like it, so we took the piss all the more. Then there was little gay Gav, but I still don't know what made him so gay. I used to get called Daz the spaz and prior mentioned mate who took the piss out of clucker was fat, so natually we called him fatty, beef cake, blobby and any other name you might fancy calling a fat guy. School was fun.
(Catfish Ma, why can't I draw? "Because you have fins dear", Thu 18 May 2006, 19:17, Reply)

A few names
A unfortunate chap i was in college with many years ago was, and probably still is called Robert Nash. This mutated into Rob Nash, then into Nob Rash.. which he hated, so he got called it all the more.

My sister was a late developer, in the upper department if you know wot i mean.. In school she was know as "the pirate".. on account of her sunken chest.
(jonnywombat has been a waste of money brains and time since, Thu 18 May 2006, 19:14, Reply)

Packet of three
1) I worked at Halfords in the late 80's. Worked with this really nice girl called Maria. Anyway, one day, I'm down one end of the store, she's down the other. Since we're the only two that work together in this particular department, and the fact it was very early, she, inexplicaly, yelled out "Oi! Gunk!" I responded... Well, word of this spread, and the name stuck. So much so that when management drew up everyones schedule, I was now listed as "Gunk", not my real name. When I was paged over the PA system, they'd use the nickname as well.

2) At school, there was this really mean fat kid. One day, me and a miscreant friend brainstormed our own personal nickname for him. One that just seemed to sum him up. We settled on calling him "Slud". To this day, I still think it was the perfect nickname for him.

3) Round a mates house in 1991. Another mate is coming round later. Tall, skinny. Broomhandle with the wood scraped off... When he turns up, my friend greets him by saying, in his best Michael Barrymore voice, "Awight Bloater!"

Fifteen years on, that's how he's still referred too. I don't remember the last time we used his real name.
(Bonedwarf is the size of a lemon, Thu 18 May 2006, 19:12, Reply)

BUTCH!
One of my sister's mates has spent his entire life thinking his dad's name really was 'Butch'. He was none too chuffed when he found out it's really Melvyn.
( Beastie is doing science with his arse, Thu 18 May 2006, 19:09, Reply)

tennis ball
due to my short hair at the time.
(teasus likes tea, Thu 18 May 2006, 19:06, Reply)

During my secondary school years..
...I had an inexplicable fondness for wet-look hair gel. I wouldn't leave the house unless I had made my hair look like an oil tanker had spilt it's load over a beautiful coastline. The hair gel scenario itself didn't earn me a nickname until one day I had turned up to school, gelled up as ever only for my side burns to decide that they were going to become the fluffeh-est mutton chops the world had ever seen.

Some spare cunt from my french class decided to call me pube-sids from then on.....unfortunately for me, the cunting name stuck.
( undergroundmonkey Kernt, Thu 18 May 2006, 19:04, Reply)

Jungle Hans
A guy in my platoon used to smell pretty
bad due to bad hygiene so his real name "Junghans " was changed to "Jungle Hans"
(Leitnhax, Thu 18 May 2006, 19:02, Reply)

Mines shit
In primary school some older lads we were playing football with shouted out 'ere give us the ball Doug' so i passed it to him. Doug is now what im known as. Its stuck all my life, teachers used to call it me, even read out my name in the register as Doug. My ex's dad called it me. Some teacher asked my best mate to go and get Mark Oakes from this class, he looked at her blankly until somebody else piped up 'Its Doug you tit' my BEST friend didnt even know my real name.

Some other people at my school:

Elvis - Big sideburns and eyebrows
Scars - His last name was Burns, burns leaves scars...
Smag or Smeg - He wiped his bell cheese on someone once
F.B. - Short for fat bastard
Bullshit - Compulsive liar
Pope - His name was John-Paul
Skid - Skiddy duds
Weasel - looks like a ferret or weasel
Zola - Looks like Gianfranco Zola
BFA - Baby faced assassin, he pulls ALL the time
Smiler - always looked unhappy.
Kit Kat girl, or Kit Kat Chunky - allegedly stuck a kit kat up her fanny. we added the chunky when kit kat chunkies came out.
Fish - last name was salmon
(PieEater, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:59, Reply)

this is true...
A mate from school was called nature boy because he was immune to stinging nettles, and not just in the normal grabbing way, they would not sting him at all... better than his old nickname of putts - we thought he was slightly reminiscent of window fitting putty. can't remember why...
(flynntoff, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:54, Reply)

Nicks..
There's this chap everybody calls "chthonic", we all feel a bit sorry for him but I think he thinks it's cool. Oh well.
(Poogle, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:53, Reply)

Badger-boobs
My friend Tom has rather noticable man-breasts, and can be rather pompous.
He was once blathering on about something, with us all rather bored, while wearing a "Badger Badger Badger" T-shirt. Cue me telling him "oh, shut up Badger-boobs".

His ego may never regain it original size.
Sadly, his moobs still retain *their* size, and have been known to make women jealous.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:52, Reply)

There's a chap at college called Porno Jim
So called because he used to peddle copied videos of his dad's pornography at school.

Occasionally abbreviated to just "Porno"
( The Coast Of Yemen, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:45, Reply)

"The Shadow"
I once worked with a big fat cunt called Dave who told us that back in his home town up north he was known by the ladies as "The Shadow" because by the morning he was gone...

When we had finished laughing and had wiped away the tears we assured him it was probably because he blocked out the sun.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:44, Reply)

A mate of mine,
His name is Steve, but he was dubbed Steve the Cunt. We gave out a "Cunt of the month award" every month, and he won, everytime.

And we never shortened it. One time he almost got hit by a car, I yelled out "Steve the cunt! watch out!"
(Human, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:43, Reply)

The nickname given to me
that I like is "Trizza", which comes from my surname, "Trimm".

Somehow, "Trizza" has it's own nicknames:

Trizzazazazaza

Tribocco, pronounced trib-or-co (apparently this is supposed to sound
african, with small children on bongos playing as my name is called)

African Queen [as a result of above nickname]

Tribby

Betsy Brown-mouth

I have no idea where that last one's from.
(rainmaker is 98% lurker., Thu 18 May 2006, 18:43, Reply)

hmmn,
my dad calls a friend of mine 'the bicycle' for obvious [though unfounded] reasons.

she's also called 'Bramley' [as in the apple] because she's 'sweet but tart'
( Seventh is somewhat subdued, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:43, Reply)

I have two
A friend, with the surname Gordon, has been known as 'Flash' for years.

And for some reason the rest of the football team calls me 'Alex Hill'. There's even a song about it (My name is not Alex Hill or anything vaguely resembling it)
( Cap'n Tallbeard, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:42, Reply)

It's too nerdy to be true
but we called one girl in college "Plant Cell" because she had a little opening in her lips, even with her mouth closed, that looked like a vaculole.

Seriously, that's how people said she got her name.
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:40, Reply)

'Oasis..huh huh huh'
My name is Liam Gallagher, and luckily I didnt get as much stick as I could've. That was until GCSE maths class several years ago...everyday during the roll (EVERY-FUCKING-DAY):
'Liam Gallagher?'
'here'
'Oasis..huh huh huh..Oasis...'

All this in mind, everyone thought I was called 'Oasis..huh huh huh' due to my long hair...

Only 4 of that class survived the tard purge of GCSE.
(The_Inedible_Hulk Whats ET short for? Wee legs..., Thu 18 May 2006, 18:40, Reply)

and,
there was a lad we called tens, because he was always trying to sell little bits of wood or mud as hash for a tenner, and could oft be heard asking, in a weaselly way, "anyone for a tens?"... trampy git...
(flynntoff, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:37, Reply)

How many people here
got a bad nickname because their gym coach mispronounced their name while reading off the class roll?

Jim Duarte (doo AR tay) got called "Jim DuFart" and "Jimmy Durante" for four years straight, Noah Finley was called "Finely," Bobby Mangerson (MAN grr son) was called "Manger Son" (which we all shortened to Mange of course), and I myself (CHUR aash) was saddled with "Crotch."
(busterbeckett BUSTER BECKETT - saved by the buoyancy of citrus, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:36, Reply)

memel...
was bestowed on my slightly mongy mate, due to his propensity for shouting it at the top of his voice, seemingly at random, in the style of that mock-kazakhstani ali g creation borat. or species, cos he couldn't be human
(flynntoff, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:30, Reply)

Yuuum...
Bio-yoghurt

For being bisexual before it got trendy...
(Miharu, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:27, Reply)

"Speedy"
A few years ago I worked for a reputable Music Retail establishment, and we had a work experience boy called Adam. Adam had downs syndrome but was extremely bright, helpful, and very fun to be around. The only thing wrong with him was that he loved pop music - Westlife, Gareth Gates, anything. Whenever we gave him a job to do he'd accomplish it really really quickly, thus we gave him the nickname 'Speedy', because he was so quick to perform his tasks. On the evenings that he worked, invariably we'd end up playing him the weeks new releases, the usual pop dross. One memorable night he was at the far end of the shop, so I put on the next song I thought he'd like and shouted "This one's for you Speedy!" as the Daphne & Celeste track "UGLY" kicked in. I was completely oblivious to it, but a few people looked at me like I was a complete cnut.
(mcnelson, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:27, Reply)

Nothing too evil
but I have been dubbed "hamster lady" because I have this freaky ultrasonic (no, really. People stare in the street...) squeaking thing I do when I laugh, and I was once seen holding a large danish between my hands and nibbling it (like a hamster holding a sunflower seed. Geddit?!).

Looking at it, I actually deserve that nickname. How depressing!
( Bats, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:26, Reply)

Giggles
Went to Austria on a skiing trip (ended up in hospital but shh) and it may have been due to the altitude, the being-away-from-home, or it might have been the absolutely rock and roll pills I had to take, they made me so giggly. I wouldn't stop laughing. At everything.
If someone leant over to me and whispered "cardboard" that was it, I'd be off.
(Gat Bandish I've got wood in my soul, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:16, Reply)

Delvis Mesley
In referance to Elvis Presley. Cos I once had a quiff.
Fucking hated it.
(Gat Bandish I've got wood in my soul, Thu 18 May 2006, 18:12, Reply)