So many bad ones at school...
My friend was always called Sailor Boy and unsurprisingly turned out to be gay.

There was James Toovard the boy who eats lard, Also known as Sloth. I once bought in a Goonies video which was then played before the teacher arrived. Sloth cried.

Princess Leia (real name David)

Jabba the Beal. It stuck with her even through college.

Then there was me...
I had the honour of being called Jennitals and the equally delightful Rubber Jenny.
(chakaflange, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:27, Reply)

Stupid me.
While in gym class in high school I was asked by a stranger what my name was. My name is Brandon. I however thought it would be cute, or silly, or some such nonsense to say "Julie." Turned out we shared friends. People continued to call me Julie for a couple years.
(TSGarp, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:20, Reply)

My not-nickname
My surname was Snell and remarkably not one person ever asked me 'what's that, Smell?' Preferring to use the duller 'boffin' as a nickname throughout secondary school.
(whatswiththemonkey, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:20, Reply)

Four Brains
My former manager (a wanker contractor - you know who you are) was nicknamed by me as Four brains that we called to his face. He saw it as a compliment.

However, "Four Brains" was short for "Shit for brains".

He never twigged.

Still use it for other idiot managers - They still don't know :-)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:20, Reply)

Halle
Currently my nickname is Halle Berry.

Big smile, short hair - but wait, I'm a man.....

Tiger Woods is the mainstay, I look more like him than Halle !! I can't play golf worth for shit though....
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:18, Reply)

Uh
I went to a private school - the only black kid for a whole year. I had lots of names.

None of them good.

/urgh
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:16, Reply)

Rain Slicker
My buddy Bender isn't circumcised and has aspirations of being an architect. When I first heard about this I made some joke about putting vestibules on all the buildings and ever since he's been "Colonel Vestibule". (I also find it impressive that his actual name is Bender).
(gertrude went home, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:16, Reply)

I have a lecturer called Dr Miao.
Who is known by some of us as Dr Cat Noise.
(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:16, Reply)

In the country...
When I was in Kentucky I went to a little school in, as the locals liked to say, Bumfuck Egypt. My first day on the bus going to High School I wore a shirt my little sister had given me with some Motocross racers on the front and (In that cheap lettering you used to see ads for, 'We put anything here') YAMAHA over the top. "Come-on what's yer name? YAh ma HA?" One of the local girls said.

The next morning when I stepped up on the bus the whole bunch started. "Yah muh Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha..."

Some of the other names I remember from there; you weren't one of them unless they had some THING to call you. Lip, Doodle, See-gar, Left handed (see that's the other kind of cigarette!), Jive Tawkin, Barn (For Barney Fife.), Cotton, Nig (for Renege.) and of course Rabbit. I don't know most of their real names.
( CapnChkn I would rather be flying elephants., Thu 18 May 2006, 22:15, Reply)

I'm refered to as "Vladimir".
I look russian apparently.
( Laughing Boy, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:10, Reply)

Ah School
Two mates of mine have the name Kevin to distinquish between the two we call one Ginger Kev (three guesses why) and the other Ethnic Kev due to his olive complection.

Incidentally, my School name was Boghead; I've no idea why you'd have to ask Paul Wright aka Stubby (three guesses).
(mm123, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:07, Reply)

I'M NOT BLOODY PLUG!!!!
My Dad had this guy at Uni who looked like Plug out of the Bash Street Kids. He'd put up with it for years until he suddenly just lost it and screamed "I'M NOT FUCKING PLUG! STOP CALLING ME BLOODY PLUG!" etc for a few minutes then just stopped and sat down.
He remained Plug to this very day.

Apologies for shiteness
(The Mighty Mantrap Mantra Man, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:03, Reply)

Mrs Buttocks
First day of secondary school. PE. Teacher ( being all superior and all ) asks "what is the most important muscle in the body?" Me, somehow getting "biggest" and "important" confused in my head calls out "gleutamus maximus, sir!"

Childhood embarassement ensues, along with the nickname "Mrs Buttocks" ( my friends ) or "buttock lady" ( the teacher ) until 6th form.
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:03, Reply)

chevaun
chevaun, or however you spell it, dosent come to the pub anymore, because of me.

she's a stuck up nazi, blonde haired barbie lookalike. i noticed her high forehead.

"MEGAHEAD" soon left my lips to the applause of the boys. she hates me. so does her mate, "notourious P.I.G."
(mr kyle he's a silly bastard, the one who posted before me, Thu 18 May 2006, 21:52, Reply)

my nickname was KYLIE
here is a breif history of my nicknames throughout the years.

when i was at school, it was "GAY BOY"... dunno why

my first job, it was "dopey" or "kylie"

then when i was 16, i slept with a 15 year old girl 3 months my junior. (she was SO fit, i wouldn't have cared if i was 40) it was "PEEDO" for ages after that.

i am now "spaz", "breakdance", or "mong" as a result of my recent diagnosis of epillepsy. bastards.

my mate chris has muscular dystrophy in his legs, so we call him lucky legs, or skippy c.

apologies for shit content of my half arsed post.!!
(mr kyle he's a silly bastard, the one who posted before me, Thu 18 May 2006, 21:42, Reply)

effing kids
kids are bastards

one little bitch at school called me vileda supermop (gets into all the nooks and crannies apparently) after my one and only attempt at getting a perm (i had wanted to look like Sandy in Grease but ended up looking like a cloned version of someone's Gran instead)

Most unimaginative nickname? Four Eyes because I wore glasses. Tsk.

Have been called Carrie now for years - quite like the Stephen King reference

Most recently at work picked up Macca (surname is Mackenzie). Quite like that.

I hate you bastards who had cool nicknames at school.
(cupid stunt, Thu 18 May 2006, 21:40, Reply)

spew.
rhymes with hugh. apparently :(
(5lab, Thu 18 May 2006, 21:22, Reply)

One kid on my school bus called me 'John' for 2 years
my name is matt, is that the most boring nickname in the world? do i win?
(Absynth&Cheese Have you tasted my Jesus, Thu 18 May 2006, 21:03, Reply)

1.) I nearly made an idiot out of myself once using nicknames, and only by sheer fluke did I not end up looking like an arsemonger. When I first started my college physics course, I could have sworn a guy I started talking to replied to the name Martyn on the register. So, from then onwards, I decided he be called Marilyn.

Of course, the bloke *next* to him was Martyn. Not him.

*sweatdrop*

Later that day, I found out his surname was Marron, and pretended I knew all along.

I bet he f*cking reads this now. Why am I writing this?!?

*sigh*

2.) At school there was a guy called Melon, coz he had a head shaped like one. Well, not quite - he'd probably be famous if it really was... but anyways. He got this nickname in about yr 9. Fast forward a couple of years, to me pointing out to a friend that a little annoying guy had a head shaped like a turnip - true, in fact - he turned out to be Melon's brother...

Whole fruitshop thing going on there, for some reason...

3.) As for my nicknames, one of my friends likes to spend his time coming up with new ones to embarrass me with. In one single telephone conversation, I've been Sponge, Flapjack and Baby-doll...
(chinesechipmunk, Thu 18 May 2006, 21:02, Reply)

But is it actually funny?
In the fifth form at school there was this guy transferred in from somewhere else. He was a fairly unremarkable, though drippy, kid, and soon became the object of some minor league teasing. As soon as we discovered he had an Irish passport he became Seamus. Wow that's a good 'un.
After school he went to Uni in Northern Ireland where he was surrounded by loads of English kids who got their through clearing. (so not the sharpest you might suspect.) Anyway given that our lad is from a nice middle class background and has been living in London for some years his nice middle class RP accent gave them cause to call him 'Posh John' or simply 'PJ' for short.
After Uni he returns to London, and not wishing to hang out at his crazy Irish mother's house, he starts lurking around mine. My recently acquired wife got a bit fed up with his constant presence and soon nicknamed him 'Sputnik': "Cause he's your bloody satellite, he's always in your damn orbit." Of all the nicknames that was the one he didn't like, even though I thought it was the best.
Me, I've never really had a nickname, but now they all call me Mister....Steve. That's cool, I think it lends me a certain gravitas that I don't normally possess.
(Mr Steve is jobless and fancyfree!, Thu 18 May 2006, 20:53, Reply)

There was a boy at primary school....
Who we used to call superfanny. I have absolutely no idea why tho.

And later on in senior school, there was someone we called professor pizzaface always in a mock German accent :)
(Baron Von Chickenpants Noli nothis permittere te terere, Thu 18 May 2006, 20:49, Reply)

being called by my middle name as a child
which is Dorje' led to quite a few variation on a theme of door-gay-derbrain, etc

until I realised I could actually be known by my first name, Daniel. Now people sing Danny-boy at me until I hit them...Ho hum.
(teasus likes tea, Thu 18 May 2006, 20:48, Reply)

"Daver Pie"
My friend's name is dave, which somehow turned into daver. I'm not sure where the pie came from, but it stuck.

It's not a cool name like "spike" or "JR" or something. Everyone just calls him Pie.
( cheesemaster a screaming naked asian man driving a semi, Thu 18 May 2006, 20:47, Reply)

When I was in the Scouts
We went camping one Summer. The field chosen for the pitching of tents must have had a high nitrogen content, because there were stinging nettles everywhere. Right in the corner, near where we chucked the potato peelings,was huge patch of the bastards.

My friend John, somehow managed to fallover while chucking rubbish on the pile, and landed right in the middle. It was his screams that had us laughing the loudest.

From then on, John, who fell in the Nettles was known as Bergerac.
( Roland E O'Dorant R Tape loading error, 0:1, Thu 18 May 2006, 20:47, Reply)

A List of the most amusing
Bean (Last name -Levien)
Horse Arse (Big Arse basically)
The Cock (Last name - Cooke)
Headering Boy (He heads the ball a lot)
N1i (Ney 1 inch)
Guppy (Not sure)
Fathead (Easy)
Jesus (Once wore a jumper with a low V collar)
Nun (Religious)
Gareth Keenan (He is spits)

And one poor fellow has ALL of the following and we don't know why:
Old Man
Porridge
Wooden Spoon
Monk
Ian Huntley
(Glomp Fuck, Thu 18 May 2006, 20:47, Reply)

I recently went to a church led by - wait for it....
Jez, Jess, Jem, Jus, jay, and, umm Chris.

A complete shower of posy nobs the lot of 'em.
(teasus likes tea, Thu 18 May 2006, 20:42, Reply)

BallBags
pretty original, my surname is pronounced ball but is spelt baugh. other nicknames i remember are:

panda owl: he looked like a panda and an own
horseface: he looked like a horse
blockhead: he had a square head
Jesus: he walked through nettles with no pain to retreive balls
lip: he had a big lip
fingers: used his fingers on the dancefloor of our christmas party.
the stalking stick: he stalked us and was skinny
the phantom follower: the same person as above
Goat: he looked like a goat
fat ginge: this actually has a story: we were bullying him and jumping on him in the corridor, as you do, then i jumped on him and he hit his head on the wall. he got up grabbed me and called me a fat ginger git. we all thought the nickname suited him more as he was fatter, gingerer and gitier.
sponge: he once dyed the top of his hair blonde.

in more recent times in uni i get called Ginsters, because they sponser Argyle. plymouth because i am from plymouth, and the derogatory Janner.
(dani_B Bollocks, Thu 18 May 2006, 20:42, Reply)

Canoe-Head
There is a bloke who lives in a town not so very far from me known as canoe-head.

It derives from when one of my friends greeted him with the somewhat paraphrased quote from lord Flasheart from blackadder.

'Are you pleased to see me, or is that a canoe in your head?'

I trust I need not explain why he called him this, or why the name has stuck, the poor, inbred sod.
(WarneMarsh My priority for frivolity begets quality jollity, Thu 18 May 2006, 20:39, Reply)

boss nicknames
my boss was known as GW. He never knew it stood for Ginger Wanker.
(teasus likes tea, Thu 18 May 2006, 20:38, Reply)

Jesus
I used to be known as Jesus. A group of us used to hang around a lot, and two of us were called Dan, and seeing as I had long wavy hair, wore hippy clothes and was permanently stoned it seemed to fit. Apparently someone saw me on the seafront once, with the sun behind me, and actually thought it was the second coming!

Only I then went and became a Christian. My friends were going around saying "have you heard - Jesus has become a bloody christian!"
(teasus likes tea, Thu 18 May 2006, 20:37, Reply)