New York City
...has a 'club' called "The Vault." It's a sex club. I went there with a girl who was told I had been there before (which was true) by my buddy and she kept insisting that I take her there. I refused, being a Southern gentleman, but this Irish lass (from Belfast) INSISTED that I take her there.

So I did.

This place is hard to describe really. Think medieval torture palace with sex thrown in and then include about 50 drunk people, walking around gawking. Maybe a good comparison would be Madama Tussauds meets Caligula.

We didn’t have sex there, but in the course of a rather intense snogging session, she tapped me on the shoulder to point out that an absolute dork was standing there having a wank while watching us kiss. (to be fair to him, I DID have her bra undone and was playing with the twins, so if you're reading this white t-shirt, backpack and flip flop guy, I kind of apologize...he was wearing NOTHING else, but had his tadger, a wee little guy, in between his fingers and was beating that thing like it owed him money.)

I then suggested he vacate the area immediately. I think my Marine Corps high and tight haircut made him think better of arguing the point.

So, knowing full well that I was IN there, I suggested we leave this den of idiots and head back to her place to do the horizontal mambo...she reached down to pick up her purse and VOILAS! No Purse. No purse, no greencard. No greencard no going home for her Sisters wedding back in Belfast in two weeks!

We visited the local constables, filed a report, then I took her home and I suggested I should crash on her couch and then help her search the area in the morning...the whole time I am thinking: NO WAY this chick is going to let me sleep solo....she did. She shut the door literally in my face and I was left with a long night, alone, on her couch. So I rubbed one out in her shower and didn't rinse.
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Fri 15 Jun 2007, 15:26, Reply)