what up, ya bunch of fannie's?I wonder if P@o B&ton is having a nice day today, prolly popped round Ali Campbell's for a cuppa or summat, you know what he's like.
My firm is super quiet at the moment, it's dreadful. I've actually taken out income insurance in case it goes tits up. Tits, eh lads? TITS.
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:00,
archived)
I'm working from home so that I can pick up my old and new passportsThese new ones are well snazzy, but I lost about 5months of validity
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:04,
archived)
You used to get any remaining months on your old passport added to the 10 years on your new onebut the EU set a hard limit of 10 years on all passports, so any remaining validity is lost.
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:09,
archived)
It's 70-odd quid for a passportso I've probably lost a pint's worth
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:10,
archived)
that's almost an armful(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:11,
archived)
You'll be well jelly when we all get our new Blue Passports™. (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:24,
archived)
I'll quite enjoy having a relic"Woah, last of the burgundy interceptors"
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:37,
archived)
I'm well farkin busy ain't IBantony and the Patsons might just be hanging out at the Bull Ring shopping centre with a few m8s, maybe restocking his Bob Marley CD collection at HMV
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:10,
archived)
is 'Fonz Leather Styles' still in Birmingham?that used to crack me up when I went to see my sister when she was a college in Birmingham
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:18,
archived)
seems so lolwww.fonzleatherstyles.com/contact.html
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:19,
archived)
for fashion leathersat warehouse prices
come to
(dundun dundun)
the leather ware-house
/80sMerciaSoundFM
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:46,
archived)
your sister was an educational establishment?Well I never!
(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:38,
archived)
minor accidental typos m8, it doesn't get funnier than that!!!!!Comedy forum.
(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:55,
archived)
decided against going back to work then?(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:17,
archived)
Alright, Natalie Imbruglia(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:30,
archived)
I get loads on my balcony every morningthey like sunflower seeds
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:44,
archived)
Blue, Coal, Great or Other?(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:44,
archived)
ur just wel jel of my comedy chops mate(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:56,
archived)
there's an opening for Boss in the Gambino crime family if you fancy it. (
$$ โ
, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 12:55,
archived)
I'm making my bones, right now. (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 13:12,
archived)
Very quiet today I've even hoovered up
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 14:12,
archived)
I'm defying will's three line whip and voting against his morning thread(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 8:47,
archived)
I declare a motion of no confidence in morning threads. (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 8:49,
archived)
surely no one is going to side with you on anything(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 8:58,
archived)
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 8:51,
archived)
please join the sticks and stones queue for ex-pat execution(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 9:04,
archived)
I went to a meeting at the embassy last night to discuss Brits' status in Poland after Brexitit's only reinforced my belief that all ex-pats should be summarily executed
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 8:57,
archived)
I think we can all agree that you and yeti should be killed(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 9:05,
archived)
I witnessed a grown man, nearing 50holding a microphone and addressing the Director of the Office for Foreign Affairs, actually say about Brexit "It's not fair!" He was only a footstamp away from being a complete parody of a gammon.
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 9:08,
archived)
DIVISION!!!1!1clear the lobby
(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 9:11,
archived)
your nan rang my bell and I cleared my lobby all over her chamber(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 9:14,
archived)
since whem are you a rugmuncher?#lezzies4life
(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 9:43,
archived)
Sub-quiz:How many British citizens are registered as unemployed in Poland?
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 9:18,
archived)
For reference:Poland is 38m people, unemployment is 6%
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 9:30,
archived)
do enlighten us with your vast statistical knowledge(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 9:45,
archived)
The answer is 33 Brits. That's fucking it. 3 mooching lazy layabout Brit cunts sponging off the state.
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 10:11,
archived)
you are one of them (?)(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 10:22,
archived)
I pretty sure the answer is 'shut up, no-one gives a shit' m8(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 9:34,
archived)
Statt-ooooo, Statt-oooo(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 9:37,
archived)
I'm not forming an opinion until I've heard what the Dead Ringers team think. (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 10:57,
archived)
Happy White Day to our Korean and Japanese forum members (
$$ โ
, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 11:12,
archived)
MorningHas the government collapsed yet?
(
willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 6:19,
archived)
Morning They have, but they don't seem to have noticed
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 6:21,
archived)
morningI'm skipping brexfast, I've no time
(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 6:49,
archived)
We will fight the EU on the beaches, we shall fight them in the streets, and in the airport, where I'll jump in my private jet and fuck off to a tax haven until the ghastly proles have finished rioting and eating each other(, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 7:03, archived)
No, it's like a game of Jenga.They pull a piece out and somehow the whole thing still doesn't fall over, but no-one's having any fun regardless.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 8:07,
archived)
I pulled my piece out of your nan last night and she didn't fall overNobody had any fun there either
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 8:14,
archived)
Alright, Jacob(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 8:46,
archived)
Might declare my independence from the UK. Freeman on the land arguements never fail, surely?
(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 8:47,
archived)
alright Dr Shambolic, nice to have you back(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 20:25,
archived)
the only difference between you and him is a pizza oven(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 20:27,
archived)
that's not the insult you think it is(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 20:32,
archived)
alright obi wankernobi, calm down(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 20:32,
archived)
Would you like to shit off a bridge?Chill your own faeces in the fridge
Diarrhoea? Perhaps just a smidge
Or would you rather be mcbeef
(, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 20:47, archived)
is that some new Eminem song I haven't heard?(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 22:40,
archived)
Mcbeef is a candidate for whom I would vote, you can read his pledges on his coat(, Thu 14 Mar 2019, 7:15, archived)
-r, +a -o, +u
(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 20:32,
archived)
Just a little bit-r, +a
-o, +u
A little bit more.
(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 20:35,
archived)
David Byrne's edgy remixzzzzz(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 20:35,
archived)
<s>PM</s> spinb3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2576393
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 21:21,
archived)
www.prolificnorth.co.uk/news/publishing/2019/03/scunthorpe-telegraph-prints-swear-words-obituaries-page
(, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 21:29, archived)
Ents make me uncomfortable They're like sheep, harmless until they decide not to be
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 21:44,
archived)
Has anyone here ever done a shit off a bridge? (
Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 19:32,
archived)
no but I did a widdle in a canal once(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 19:59,
archived)
You know what I don't think I have, sounds a good idea tho (
mongychops, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 19:59,
archived)
Poor ents:( the world is changing: i feel it in the water, i feel it in the earth, and i smell it in the air
(
mongychops, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 20:19,
archived)
I'd imagine between two and four metres. (
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 20:50,
archived)
About 12 feet And stoned off my tits
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 21:24,
archived)
Not tonight Dear, I've got a Brexit headache(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 19:44,
archived)
Alright knob-slobberers, that's enough of that rubbish thread.We're having our house pulled apart to get rid of existing - and to protect against further incursions of - RATS. The fucking mongrels are causing a whole load of grief. Turns out we're not 'ratfans' after all.
Ever had a rodent #infestation? If so was it a fackin nightmare?
Alternatively, what about that 'brexit' eh? Cor blimey what a palaver
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 11:59,
archived)
alright queefyI've not really got anything to say in this thread but I'm looking forward to seeing how it pans out :)
cheers
(
broadsword wโ, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 12:09,
archived)
nice one buddy, keep it real, yeah?(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 12:10,
archived)
Our place in Leeds would be visited by field mice from the adjoining fields. They'd nibble at our food and shit in the cupboards.
Humane traps were ignored, so I poisoned them and the problem went away.
(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 12:16,
archived)
I once saw a mouse wearing clogs going clip-clippety clop on the stair(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 12:21,
archived)
Last place I lived had a huge mouse problem Mostly due to scummy cunts on the 5th floor
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 12:25,
archived)
a course of strong antibiotics should clear that up(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 12:30,
archived)
that bought a tear to my eyemy winky eye, I mean
(
broadsword wโ, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 12:32,
archived)
Shaving your pubes off might get rid of the little buggers (
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 12:36,
archived)
hi Queef, just want to express my admiration for you xx(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 12:37,
archived)
I'm a fuckin impressive guy, it's only natural(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 12:51,
archived)
YesThe chavs next door had a broken drain, ingress into both properties through the shared cavities. They knew about it but didn't give a fuck. And they had a baby under 1 ffs.
(, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 12:44, archived)
classic working class behaviour!!!
(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 13:01,
archived)
When I lived in a terraced house in Bethnal Green,the mice had chewed a hole in the walls of all the houses in the same spot in the kitchen, so they could go from kitchen to kitchen all the way up and down the street. There weren't that many of them as far as we could tell, not enough to be a nuisance in any event, but we did see the odd one scurrying under the sink from time to time.
(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 13:10,
archived)
Once had a rat die in our hot water tank,So we were effectively showering in weak rat tea for a couple of weeks until we noticed the smell
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 13 Mar 2019, 13:17,
archived)
Onomatopoeic guff-named customer of the day: Sandra Phaup(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 14:08,
archived)
"phaup" sounds like a posh wank.(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 14:25,
archived)
morninggoing to a museum later. film during the Weimar period.
(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 7:17,
archived)
give Queefy his login back, yeah?(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 7:21,
archived)
so I came back from the museum 100+ years old movies are only relatable to those who have seen them.
#couldrelate
(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 12:09,
archived)
strikethrough wingsadd 'buttocks'
(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 7:33,
archived)
Believe in yourself, take on your challenges, dig deep within yourself to conquer fears. Never let anyone bring you down. You got to keep going.(
broadsword wโ, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 8:10,
archived)
also, delete your account and hang yourself in secluded woodland, to be found by dog walkers (
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 8:19,
archived)
The human mind and body are truly extraordinary. They are the quintessence of excellence in motion. We talk, touch, see, hear, taste, smell, and feel. We dream, aspire, and become. All that we are is mind and body and spirit—that is our universe(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 9:24,
archived)
plus her dad wrote some cool film music(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 9:17,
archived)
I liked his soundtrack to Bullitt(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 9:17,
archived)
Good EveningAny exciting food plans?
Wot u all watching tonight?
Look lively!
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 17:43,
archived)
i've seen better evenings, tbhdirt poor so whatever can be scraped together for dinner
currently watching: captain ron
(
manolith hooray for me, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 18:27,
archived)
hello burningchops(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 19:24,
archived)
sneaking in for the last half hour of mongy's big daythe best one here
(
manolith hooray for me, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 23:30,
archived)
Let's order you a pizza then(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 19:00,
archived)
Lentil and tofu kung po with rice and veg, preparing for guff wednesday(, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 18:31, archived)
GOOD TOIMESI chilled it in the crib today and worked from home, because I was physically too tired to get up and go to work after the seven-day week I worked last week.
Dinner: probably gyoza and fried rice, because I have been salivating about the thought for days.
Entertainment: I need a break from Hollow Knight so I'm going to rewatch Avengers: Infinity War.
Hbu lol
(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 18:40,
archived)
Has Zuul been in your fridge again? (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 18:48,
archived)
Those giant lizard-dogs cost a fortune in Pedigree Chum, I can tell you.(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 18:56,
archived)
Probably not, I think all my meats are frozen, so probably a takeoutFollowed by an evening of high level nerd miniature building
(
H.B.Mupps, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 18:44,
archived)
Reading a letter from the banks solicitors. #MortgageChatWillNeverEnd
(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 18:50,
archived)
the Nay's have itwhat's wrong with May's voice?
(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 19:24,
archived)
Her head's still attached Cutting it off would sort her voice right out
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 19:25,
archived)
You can't beat a good beheading (
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 20:14,
archived)
Roast chicken And maybe guardians of the galaxy
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 19:27,
archived)
How is Gamora prepared?(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 20:35,
archived)
Basted in guile and vengeance Tenderized by Nebula, then left to stew by Thanos
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 21:51,
archived)
There's a programme on about where carling goes, I've often wondered as I've never met anyone who drinks it (
mongychops, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 20:03,
archived)
Surely it ends up in the drains and then the sea like all drinks(, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 20:10, archived)
But it's the best selling beer, I need to know who to? (
mongychops, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 20:12,
archived)
People who want something cheap, although last time I looked in the supermarket there wasn't much in it between that and a box of stella cans(, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 20:16, archived)
Also I don't think I've ever been in a pub or club that has it on tap, maybe they mean shop sales only(, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 20:17, archived)
£1 a pint when I was at uni.I wasn't too proud to get it down my neck.
(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 20:37,
archived)
Tell it to your kids old man, your anecdotes hold no value here (
mongychops, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 20:53,
archived)
They never showed anyone buying it, I think it's a sham (
mongychops, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 21:00,
archived)
I hate your disgusting red face and your foul stinking breath and your filthy animal grunts and I am so wet right now.(, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 21:40, archived)
Haha this makes NO SENSE!! Fucking INTENSE!!(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Wed 13 Mar 2019, 3:19,
archived)
Local cattle market of a nightclub Used to sell it for 30p a bottle. You could get hammered for a fiver.
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 21:53,
archived)
fun fact:"after" is another word for "anus" in German
(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 12:50,
archived)
Tangentially relevant fun fact:"Latte" is German for "hard-on", if any of you have German colleagues who start their day with a latte.
(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 12:51,
archived)
trying my best to avoid having colleagues(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 12:54,
archived)
can't gotta go somewhere now :((
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 12:55,
archived)
alright FRIEND, all good witchu?(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 12:54,
archived)
+don't kill people, rapper't do(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 13:22,
archived)
just got a call from a garage in maidstonetelling me my car is ready to be collected. there were at least three things wrong with that.
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 14:56,
archived)
i don't live in maidstonei don't have a car and i can't drive
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 15:02,
archived)
You're altogether too honest.You could have got a free car out of that.
(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 15:16,
archived)
I'm in a 'webinar'The word 'webinar' makes me irrationally angry. Web+seminar= webinar. Maybe yours will catch on?
Are there any words which make *you* irrationally angry? You can say 'pronouncing turmeric 'tumour-ic'
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:05,
archived)
I hate people starting sentences, especially reddit posts, with "I mean".instant downvote
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:10,
archived)
I'm not keen on threads/posts that start with 'so'I can't help but read them in a 'valley girl' accent
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:19,
archived)
I hate articles that start with 'No,' or 'We need to talk about'. No, you need to get in grave.
(
Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:27,
archived)
OuchI've managed to avoid any of those but hate them already in advance.
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:03,
archived)
"Conference call" is down to "t-con" which is just awful. (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:12,
archived)
You fucking what(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:14,
archived)
T-Con isn't even in my Transformers Top 10.(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:16,
archived)
People who work in offices need a slap(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:18,
archived)
Reckon I'd be happier doing something constructive for a living, but it's a bit late for a career change, now.
(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:19,
archived)
I'm Dave Seville. (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:26,
archived)
Nah, that's just how my trousers crease. (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:35,
archived)
Never heard that. Not even once, before now.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:50,
archived)
Can't believe it's solely an NHS thing. (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:54,
archived)
People who start threads. I combined start and thread to get stread. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:14,
archived)
People starting sentences with "so" Also "mantique"
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:16,
archived)
Irregardless (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:17,
archived)
Antiques that appeal to men Like military stuff
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:23,
archived)
That's "stuffed manatee of a certain vintage" to you, madam. (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:21,
archived)
Basically, I've got a 'mate' who basically manages to say basically basically half a dozen times in every sentence. Basically.(
broadsword wโ, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:20,
archived)
That sounds infuriating basically (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:21,
archived)
Is it Terry Christian? (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:25,
archived)
My ex would finish almost every sentence with "in more ways than one! "Even when it made absolutely no fucking sense
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:26,
archived)
He sounds like a cunt, in more ways than one (
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:35,
archived)
Used to work with a girl like this, basically.It was basically impossible not to take the piss out of her on a daily basis, basically.
(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:41,
archived)
basically obviouslyHashtag Judge Rinder
TALKING!!!!
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:51,
archived)
So, basically I've started this thread to find out things that annoy you all so I can basically actually use them to torture you, going forward.Thanks!
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:31,
archived)
Joke's on you, you were already really annoying. (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:36,
archived)
Gilgamesh hates the phrase higgledy-piggledythat's a gilgy fact for you, forum readers
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:37,
archived)
Worse in its rarer form 'higglety-pigglety'Much like the prudish US 'tidbits'
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:39,
archived)
tidbits really grinds my gearsas does "transmission" when they mean "gearbox"
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:41,
archived)
A quick Google suggest that tidbit predates titbit, with tid representing a choice morsel, but tit just meaning small. So a titbit is less desirable than a tidbit.
(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:54,
archived)
Shut up you insufferable bore(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:57,
archived)
Binsufferable. (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:00,
archived)
no, I think my anger is rational and justified thanks(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:54,
archived)
Bury the body in the woods or cut it up and distribute it around various abandoned factories.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:58,
archived)
Woodchipper Feed the resulting mush to pigs
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:09,
archived)
keep up Tammy, we already did that joke(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:08,
archived)
It appears you are better-acquainted with the lyrics of that tragic record than I amNot sure that classes as a win for you tbh
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:32,
archived)
lol, frantic back-pedalling(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:55,
archived)
waaa you know more about a piece of music than I do, no fair, I never cared anyway(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 12:01,
archived)
He's been not caring before not caring was cool. That's how cool he is.
(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 12:34,
archived)
people that use 'yourself' and 'myself' incorrectlyThey think it sounds professional, but instead they sound like a receptionist with a handful of D grade GCSEs.
(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:16,
archived)
How's yourself there now anyway?(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:31,
archived)
"me too" aggravates me since my daughter started saying it(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:31,
archived)
I am well aware of how this phrase could be interpreted(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:32,
archived)
People who say aggravate when they mean annoy(
Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 17:52,
archived)
I hate when people say "with all due respect"It usually means they are disguising a shitty comment and they don't really mean it with any respect at all.
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:49,
archived)
with all due respectgo fuck yourself.
(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:54,
archived)
Like the line in "Oscar and Lucinda","There is no respect in that at all, Miss Leplastrier, and simply saying "with respect" does not put it there."
(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:56,
archived)
"I'm not racist, but..." (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:57,
archived)
b3ta.com/talk/8214514
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 12:51,
archived)
quite amused to find that Channel Tunnel is joint-owned by the French and Canadians(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 8:26,
archived)
:(btw, have you every heard Psychedelic Percussion? I've only just heard it to tell you the truth
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 9:38,
archived)
no, I didn't even know he'd released anything under his own name before last night(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 9:48,
archived)
my breakbeat-dar started pinging when I read the name of it(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 11:03,
archived)
Good mornington and everything and stuff.(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 8:16,
archived)
hah, mornington, like they would say on Radio 4!(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 8:16,
archived)
A classic Brexit-proof bastion of British culture!(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 8:38,
archived)
There was a little Spanish fleaA record star he thought he'd be
He heard of singers like Beatles
And The Chipmunks he'd seen on TV
Why not a little Spanish flea?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 8:42,
archived)
never knew fleas could speak with a lisp(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 8:46,
archived)
Ey up, duck(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 12 Mar 2019, 8:44,
archived)
How is it (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 12 Mar 2019, 8:55,
archived)
heyyyyyyyyyhow's your good lady?
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 9:36,
archived)
sweetest mwishing you all the best on this most joyful of occasions!
always
b xx
(
broadsword wโ, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 10:08,
archived)
morningthought my re-usable coffee cup had sprung a leak, turned out I just hadn't closed it properly, phew eh?
(
broadsword wโ, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 9:45,
archived)
that could have nasty!I'm attempting to repair a dishwasher
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 12 Mar 2019, 9:57,
archived)
Dawn of the ThreadMy car's failed its MOT and it's too old to bother fixing, now I have to use public transport like some kind of povvo until I get a new one.
What's been your biggest unexpected expense?
alt: Cheers
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 15:45,
archived)
when my fridge died for no good reasongonna have to fork out for a new DVD player as well as a new telly, soon, they're both dying on me
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 15:52,
archived)
Fridges are expensive, DVD players are pretty cheap these days - I got a Blu-Ray player for ยฃ40
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 15:54,
archived)
oh, the DVD won't cost me muchand i'm holding out on buying the telly because there's usually sales on around easter and, if i'm lucky, one might have a free DVD as a special offer when buying a telly. all i really ave to pay for this month is lunch at mum's favourite restaurant for mother's day and some new ink
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 16:00,
archived)
I'd forgotten about Mother's Day, thanks for the reminder(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 16:03,
archived)
i don't need a remindermum reminds me often enough
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 16:09,
archived)
My Mum's pretty chill about this sort of stuffa phone call is usually enough
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 16:10,
archived)
first mother's day without my sisterso she's a bit funny about it this year
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 16:19,
archived)
ouch, not a good day for the kids either ehI'm sure their school will be sensitive, but there's no getting away from all the advertising, the poor wee bairns.
Bad taste lol: wee
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 16:23,
archived)
I know, it's not going to be easy for them (
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 16:56,
archived)
I just post my mum a couple of wraps of the old billoirSees her right.
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 16:23,
archived)
Last weekends coke & crackwhore sesh, only went out for a pint(
broadsword wโ, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 16:02,
archived)
Still, at least you made some money to pay for your drugs, eh?(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 22:05,
archived)
Having spent last week sorting out current accounts, mortgage, credit cards, and mobile contract, all to save a bit of money, I went and smashed my phone on Sunday morning, thus incurring a completely unnecessary extra expense.
Still, cheaper than that new clutch my car had after breaking down.
(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 16:05,
archived)
I could do with winning the LotteryStep 1: Play the Lottery
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 16:07,
archived)
By never playing, I must be up at least a grand, by now. (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 16:29,
archived)
Hi Cheers Hopefully not my wife's steroid injection earlier today, as referenced below. If Bupa won't cover it we'll be bumraped for ยฃ800 which I find astounding.
alt: Cheers
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 16:21,
archived)
Ouch, hope it doesn't come to that(and your wife's ok)
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 16:41,
archived)
alright bentI used to wonder what Gail Porter saw in Keith Flint, apparently he was well hung
(
broadsword wโ, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 12:38,
archived)
he also used to bone that Saffron off of n-joi and republicaRepublica were fucking terrible eh.
(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 12:43,
archived)
they bonded over terrible hair issues(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 12:50,
archived)
Post-prandial drowsiness ftw.(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 13:35,
archived)
mild food coma?(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 15:51,
archived)
Customer of the late lunchtime: Dick BendingBonus points: he plays the hurdy-gurdy
(
broadsword wโ, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 13:55,
archived)
I still want a hurdy gurdy(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 14:04,
archived)
C'mon Burbie, let's go purdy. (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 15:22,
archived)
strikethrough everything but 'he' and add an apostrophe.
(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 7:38,
archived)
Hullo.Got in this morning to find out that they'd taken all the cups, knives and forks from the cupboards. How we are supposed to have our morning coffee now, or eat lunch, remains to be seen.
(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 8:10,
archived)
No shame at all, have you?We've been reduced to drinking espresso out of tiny little doll's house cups now. I hope you're happy.
(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 8:47,
archived)
how are ya?Terrible night, I slept through pretty much but weird as fuck dreams, I woke up and went back to sleep into the previous dream three times. Never done that before
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 8:33,
archived)
Not bad The weather might have had something to do with it, the wind and whatnot. I realized yesterday that I haven't woken up once in the last 4 months because of noises that weren't real
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 8:49,
archived)
mebbeI also ate a vast amount of cheese last night, not sure if that's an myth about cheese causing weird dreams though
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 9:11,
archived)
It's pretty reliably true for me,to the extent that I sometimes eat cheese on purpose right before going to bed.
(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 9:17,
archived)
I couldn't say one way or the other on that one I have weird dreams with and without cheese
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 9:18,
archived)
did you go to the doc?they won't fix themselves from my experience.
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 9:53,
archived)
18th was the earliest online appointment I could get (
mongychops, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 10:25,
archived)
missus just had a steroid injectiondoc said it 'should be' covered by her insurance. If not = ยฃ800
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 10:58,
archived)
Blimey, should have got some off the juice heads in the pit (
mongychops, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 11:33,
archived)
I fully expect to come home later to find her beasting it up(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 11:57,
archived)
inews.co.uk/news/technology/porn-block-free-website-ban-when-date-how-ageid/
(
$$ โ
, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 11:12,
archived)
I had no idea they'd taken it this far.Having your actual IRL identity irrevocably linked to your porn browsing habits? How long before they prevent people who watch too much porn from travelling?
(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 11:42,
archived)
I'm going back to the Kays catalogue and trawling hedgerows for discarded magazines(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 11:44,
archived)
As if that had ever been in any doubt.(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 11:57,
archived)
Until I saw it mentioned on twitter, last night, I'd assumed this ridiculous idea had died off. (
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Mar 2019, 11:59,
archived)
EveningI'm on the Canadian Club with Canada Dry (or CC and Dry for short). You?
(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 18:21,
archived)
cooking wild mushroom risotto, Bark Psychosis on the stereo(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 18:23,
archived)
Nice. What kind of mushrooms? (
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 18:47,
archived)
just a packet of dried ones, nothing fancy(
bent reznor the brownward spiral, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 19:05,
archived)
I made a pasta dish with fly agaric last autumn. Actually pretty tasty. (
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 19:18,
archived)
No, I intentionally detoxified them. I have tripped off them before. Very weird and not very pleasant.
(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 19:50,
archived)
I had a baked potato with chickpea and red lentil daal.Then cooked a chicken madras from scratch while listening to Bill Withers' Just as I am.
I'm still peckish.
(
Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 20:46,
archived)
If you like a lot of chocolate in your whisky,join our Club.
(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 18:23,
archived)
We're cooking fish pie, so the place smells like a busy whorehouse on a hot July night when the air-con's broken.
(
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 18:49,
archived)
We have air freshener, you know (
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 18:57,
archived)
I didn't say I didn't like it. (
Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 19:16,
archived)
Watching ghostbusters While I wait for the rain to stop so I can go and buy booze
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 18:56,
archived)
If there was, I wouldn't be watching ghostbusters (
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 20:04,
archived)
My mate just posted a pic of her first grandchild And it's so ugly, I had to stop myself commenting "start the reactor "
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 21:37,
archived)
Newborns are generally pretty horrid looking. All squashed and pink. And slightly ridiculous of their a ventouse delivery.
(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 22:03,
archived)
Babies freak me out They just stare and drool, you don't know what they want
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 22:12,
archived)
SupI had a super productive day yesterday: walked 10k, made a load of food ready for my mums' visit today. As such I'm going to do bugger all today
(
Queef Richard's U r a ๐๐, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 8:07,
archived)
Noice.Yesterday I got about a third done of what I need to get finished by tomorrow, so today is going to be long and exceedingly tedious. I'm debating taking a break to watch the Ireland v. France match even if it means staying up later afterwards. Might see if I can stream it.
(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 8:16,
archived)
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
(, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 8:30, archived)
^ unexpected item in the Baggins area(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 8:35,
archived)
Doing it wrong, mums are supposed to do the cooking(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 11:02,
archived)
Not bad Dull day in work yesterday, but got off the train and went to the pub to find a pint waiting for me, plus a packet of bacon from my brother in law. Went to bed, slept right through and stayed in bed all night.
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 10:52,
archived)
Beer and bacon, you can't go far wrong there.(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 11:09,
archived)
Every day is like bumdayeveryday is shitty and gay
(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 11:01,
archived)
( . ) ( . ) eh lads eh eh lads(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 11:39,
archived)
cor that looks like some tits!(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 12:15,
archived)
The neighbour's kid bid me a "Bonjoursoir" the other day,which struck me as a good lazy catch-all.
(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 12:50,
archived)
If that kid isn't French He's going to grow up as one of those cunts who thinks a man bun is a good look
(
Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 13:23,
archived)
He is French, but time will tell whether cuntdom awaits him.(
.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 13:26,
archived)
Manbun hipsters will be first against the wall in our glorious post-tolerance future, come on the 29th(, Sun 10 Mar 2019, 13:29, archived)
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