b3ta.com user automatton52
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(Sun 16th Jun 2002, 15:49, More)

Classic vegetable movies #1

(Mon 27th May 2002, 10:45, More)

they really need to go to anger management lessons

(Mon 25th Mar 2002, 17:56, More)

top of the flops

(Fri 8th Mar 2002, 15:49, More)

yeah - I get that
but machine made chicken soup is never quite right

(Wed 16th Jan 2002, 15:15, More)

images of man/cactus fellatio are very popular
in the cactus world

(Sun 13th Jan 2002, 17:58, More)

I don't know, but its horrible

(Wed 9th Jan 2002, 9:59, More)

so you didn't fall for his eyes?

(Wed 9th Jan 2002, 9:49, More)

thats very unfair
if she fixed her hair, teeth and eyes, she'd look quite gourgeous

(Fri 4th Jan 2002, 5:56, More)

and there is too much baby eating around

(Fri 4th Jan 2002, 5:41, More)

Mr Potatohead Jesus

(Wed 19th Dec 2001, 13:58, More)

I photocopied the pink glowing biscuit men and sent them in
and they sent me this

it says its name is maureen. not sure what the point of it is, though
(Tue 27th Nov 2001, 17:32, More)

comes with optional
matching head transplant (for the uglier kid in your life)

(Tue 27th Nov 2001, 14:51, More)

but even he is not immune to furtive ursine pests

(Wed 14th Nov 2001, 17:24, More)

true crime can
be horrific

(Wed 14th Nov 2001, 13:45, More)

no wonder

(Sat 10th Nov 2001, 18:20, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Have you ever started a fire?

blasting powder
My great uncle was Italian. In his youth (that is the 1930s) he worked on the roads in the alps, blasting through rock to cut proper roads where once there had only been donkey paths. He died in the late 80s leaving a tumbledown farmhouse in a rather sweet alpine balley behind him.

Exploring it last year, we ventured into a small attic space we'd never found before (we've been in and about the place since we were kids, and never been up there before). Amongst the crap was a big wooden box full of 2kg paper sacks marked something like "Società esplosiva di Torino" and full of what looked like shiny gravel.

Not sure entirely what it was (but counting on haivng uncommon fun) we poured a small amount out on the ground and lit it (as you do) - it glowed white so bright it burned your eyes and then went out.

"Fucking great" we said - homemade fireworks - lets see what happens when we pour a rather large pile out and chuck a lump of glowing charcoal at it. What happened was (i) short pause (ii) brillaint white light (iii) the most monumental boom echoing down the valley (iv) bits of shit flying everwhere (thankfully there was a small wall to jump behind) (v) mushroom cloud about 40 ft in air (vi) hole in ground where tarmac had been.

We spent the next couple of hours shitting ourselves, paranoid that the Italian police would be down on us as some sort of mad alpine terrorists. And dumped the rest of the blasting granules into the river for safety. Thank goodness no-one had a fag lit when we found the box-full...what on earth he'd been doing stockpiling it for 50 years, I don't know...
(Wed 3rd Mar 2004, 22:22, More)

» Hidden Treasure

2 kilos of blasting powder
My great uncle was a road builder in the 1930s-60s in Italy. He was also pretty active in the wartime resistance to German occupation. After he died we would stay at his (now empty) farmhouse in the Italian Alps during the summer. Always fun, as we would find all sorts of stuff stashed in his outhouses and sheds - bullet making equipment, distillation gear, hundreds of bottles of hooch.

A couple of years ago and about 12 years since he died we were rooting around in the attic of an outhouse and came across an ammo box. In it were two kilo sacks of blasting granules in original packaging - they looked maybe 50 years old. The granules were all black and shiny and gravel like. And a bit exciting.

I guess Uncle Charlie had used them for blasting through the roads he built way back when, which ran through mountain terrain. And decided to keep a few (whether for fun or wartime sabotage, who knows?)

So we put a few granules on the ground outside and chucked a lighted stick at them. There was a fizzing and a really bright flame. Fun. So we piled up some more and lit the end of a long stick and stuck it in the middle. There was a delay and then a loud fizz and a mega bright flame, smoke and a sulphurous smell. But nothing too scary. Though it sort of burned an image into your retina for a while - like when you look at the sun.

So we piled up the best part of a quarter of a sack in the middle of the back yard and tried again. There was a delay, and nothing much happened. So I got a smouldering log from the fire and used the stick to push it towards the pile. When it got there, there was a pause, then a slight fizz, then the most apolcalyptic bang/flash/whatever. The log disappeared (whether blown up or blown away, who knows), the flash nearly blinded us. The echo reverberated up and down the valley. And a small but perfectly formed mushroom cloud lifted slowly into the air and hung above the house, as if to signify to the world that this was where the mad bombers of the Peidmont were hiding out. Thank f*ck there are not that many police in the remoter parts of rural Italy...

After contemplating the fun that could be had from packing the stuff into bottles or pipes, we collectively shat ourselves at the prospect of really overdoing it, dumped the remainder in a bucket of water and chucked it into a hole in the ground.

Fun whilst it lasted, though....
(Sat 2nd Jul 2005, 14:16, More)

» Worst Record Ever

Not a record as such, but this erm live recording
of a Birmingham punk of long gone acquaintance with clearly too many dead kennedys records, not enough cash to spend on a decent microphone and a real problem with traffic on motorways has always held an um special place in my heart. clicky
(Wed 3rd Dec 2003, 22:37, More)