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» Lies Your Parents Told You

Not my parents.......
but my brother told me this one. For some reason when I was smaller, he told me that people have three sets of teeth. Fast forward a few years and I meet a wonderful woman who I fall for immediatly as does she. You know when you are really trying to impress? Best behaviour and all! Well, half way through a conversation.....this happens:

Me: I am playing in the game tonight.

Her: Really? Nice. Who are you playing against?

Me: A rough team. I'll be surprised if I walk out of this with all my teeth.......then again, it wouldn't be too long before my third set grows.

Her: HA HA HA......Your so funny!!

Me: What? Whats so funny?

Her: HA HA H*horrified look on her face as she realises I'm serious*ah.

Now, one or two points about this story.

1) I was 23 when this happened.

2) After 3 and a half years, she is still with me but whenever I am saying something that she thinks is wrong, she always says 'Oh yeah, did your brother tell you that one?' which means I haven't won a fight since I met her!!


I sometimes wonder what else I firmly believe in life which is utter bollox!
(Wed 14th Jan 2004, 17:15, More)

» When I met the parents

Ouch... and I thought I had suppressed this!
The first time my ex came to meet my family, she was very nervous as there is quite a large number of siblings. She is from the 3 kids, conservative catholic kind of family while my family… isn’t. Anyway, all is going well around the table and everyone is being polite as possible when a conversation about Udo’s oil comes up. My brother is saying how good it is for you and all but how it tastes gross. My sister pish poshed that saying he was a wimp and announced how delicious it was.

Cue her walking to the fridge, taking out the bottle and filling a soup spoon full. All of us were looking on in anticipation as we knew something momentous was about to happen. When that Udo’s oil hit my sister taste buds… the retching immediately started! She dived for the kitchen sink and proceeded to projectile vomit like I have never seen before. Naturally… we all thought this was the funniest thing we had ever seen and fell around the place laughing. The Ex just sat there with a look of horrification I only ever saw on her face whenever she hung out with my family!

Different worlds.
(Tue 24th May 2005, 17:17, More)

» Worst Record Ever

I think that was desree
who sang that shite about 'I'd rather have a piece of toast'. Anyway, you have my vote for worst song......the lyrics to that whole song made me wanna puke.
(Wed 3rd Dec 2003, 13:18, More)

» Take my Mother-in-law...

Not a MIL...
as she was only my girlfriend but screw it.


The 'MIL' was actually great. Really liked her. I'm gonna go playing golf with her soon. Now the FIL was quite another story. Controlling bastard and all the daughters were completely screwed up because of him. I hate that guy so much. Me and his daughter have broken up about a year and a half and I still wanna put my fist through his face. One of the main reasons why I broke up with her was cause her controlling dad drove me nuts. God I hate that guy.
(Thu 8th Sep 2005, 15:42, More)