» Absolute Power

November 25 of last year
...I had my second bone marrow transplant due to a tenacious strain of lymphoma. Being that my immune system was non-existent at the time I also contracted H1N1, sinusitis, a blood infection, pneumonia and a fungal infection in the catheter that ran from outside of my chest into my heart. Apart from the obligatory host-vs-graft disease, which, in essence , could kill me outright, I was in what you would call an awful state.
I couldn't breath on my own, the inside of my mouth, trachea and esophagus were filled with festering blisters, I hadn't eaten anything in over a week and was on a constant morphine drip for over a month due to the pain.
I remember sitting in bed one night ( as I wasn't able to lay down as I would suffocate - kinda like the elephant man), hadn't slept in days and the clock was telling me it was 3:00. A.M or P.M, i had no idea, but i remember feeling so weary and thinking to myself that perhaps the jig was up and I should lie down for the most blissful sleep and never wake up from it. To sleep, to dream, to be at peace.
I obviously never chose that route; I couldn't do that to my family, i knew in my heart this was not my "time", but by god (euphemism) I, at that moment, had never wanted anything as much in my life than to lay down and go to sleep, most likely forever.
Glad I didn't. My brother had a beautiful baby girl last Sunday, my sister is expecting in November, and although my balls are officially fried it certainly doesn't hurt to try!
My absolute power was the life or death of myself. I sometimes wish ( albeit wistfully) that many others in positions of "power" could have the same experience. Perhaps the world would be a very different place. Then again, perhaps not.
Apologies for lack of funnies, but I felt compelled.


Length = longer every day!

Edit - I did have the foresight to freeze my man gravy, so if you happen to see a handsome man waving a turkey baster around don't be frightened - it's what they told me to do.
(Sat 10th Jul 2010, 4:34, More)

» Stuff I've found

Battlecat!
Almost seven years ago now, my then gf ( and right nutter) wanted to have a look at the animals at the SPCA. Fair enough, i agreed, and off we went.

The first room was full of yer bunnies/rodents/small stinky things, neh, no thanks. About as fun as watching paint dry.

I lasted about 3 minutes in the dog kennels, leaving with tears in my eyes, feeling my resolve weakening with every yelp and ruffruff.

To the kittehs! The room was stacked floor to ceiling with all types of kittehs in cages, and in the corner was a "time-out room" where you and your pick of the litter could spend some quiet time, seeing how you both git along like. Unfortunately 2 cats were being mauled by 2 young children in said room, so it wasn't an option.
Perusing the cages i come by thgis little guy, calm as a cucumber, laying near the back of his cage. The sign said he was a four month old stray, and was VERY VOCAL! For shits and giggles i ask to see the kitteh, sat in a chair in the corner of the room with him, the attendants camouflage us behind some fake rubber trees. He lays across my shoulders, looking at me all matter-of-factly.

"fuck me!" methinks, 'I'll take him says I!"

His name is battlecat and i don't even know where i'd be without him, the old prick.
(Sun 9th Nov 2008, 3:56, More)

» Tightwads

Moosies
Miggyman's story reminds me of a far off time, when i would work the summers to bugger off and live in the mountains for the winter, fornicating, drinking and snowboarding.

This being the early nineties, the resort printed the same ticket for every day of the week - the only thing that changed was the dates (obviously), and there were no bar codes or scanners on the hill, ergo it was almost impossible to discern a valid ticket from the next, regardless what day of the week it was. It mostly fell to the liftie's eyeballs to bust you or not, and they being usually as hungover as we were or annoyed at watching everyone else steal all the fresh, didn't give a rat's ass anyhow.

With this in mind, I neglected to buy a season's pass when I arrived, and dutifully collected all the spent passes I could find, from friends, people leaving for the day, or just in the parking lot where most of them would end up. I would then proceed home, and with my trusty scalpel doctor a pass with the extra numbers and the like to make a pass with the applicable date. Result!

This went on for weeks, and I soon had an illicit business in doctoring passes for others ( covering the bills for alcohol and fornication... er wait). The snow gods were pleased and and life was good until....

...near the end of a great day, almost the last run, a liftie asks to see my pass whilst on the top chair and I am promptly busted and asked to leave. In good humor I comply ( was amazed it took so long to be busted in the first place), riding down to the middle chair, where I was chased by some twat on a snowmobile who stopped me and told me I was to walk to the bottom ( insurance, liability etc). A little miffed but in no position to argue i trudge off, following a cat track where i become hopelessly lost. It was getting dark. People were going home. I started to think I might have to hole up for the night...

...when through the forest I see some fresh prints on a path that turns ninety degrees from my vision. Wooyay saved! methinks, hop on the trail, turn the turn, and end up face to face with a male moose, no farther than a couple of feet away from my nose, a good six and a half feet tall, staring at me and huffing, stance a tad to aggressive for my liking. Behind Moosie was his wife and kid, browsing by a nearby stream. As slowly and non threateningly as i could, I backtracked and crouched under a bush while Moosie followed me and stared at me for about an hour before wandering off. Needless to say I was scared shitless, survived to tell the tale, and buy my passes to this day. Don't be a tightwad or think you're clever whilst doing so or a moose will eat your face.

Apols for length but it was bloody cold after a while.
(Wed 29th Oct 2008, 21:32, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

Life is Good
This last March I was diagnosed with Lymphoma, a cancer of the blood. Before my diagnosis I was in a pretty shabby state of mind, and felt trapped and unmotivated by the direction my life was taking. All in all in a rather dismal place, which I think contributed to my diagnoses. I had basically exiled myself to a small mountain town, felt very alone, and was depressed enough to bar any thought of improving my situation.

The diagnosis came as quite a shock, as you can well imagine, but there was hope through an intense six months of chemotherapy and the like to prepare for a possible cure - a stem cell transplant. As odd as it sounds, I look at my diagnosis of cancer as a blessing in disguise, a boon that has shown me the innate kindness in every living soul.

Every person of the hospital staff ( of which I spent long stints in) have been absolutely amazing in their dedication and sacrifice in helping others in pain and in need. Friends that i hadn't seen or talked to in a long while teemed around me, helping in any way possible to see me through. It has brought my family closer together as a whole, and for this I am eternally grateful.

Through a life threatening (and indeed life-altering) disease, I have found love, hope, giving and sharing, and a new outlook and direction on life. Inspired from all of this, I am finally going to what I had meant to do years ago - get my bloody masters degree, although not in what I had originally planned.

I look forward to a future where I can help others around the world who are in need, to give back some of the kindness that has carried me through, to try and inspire others as I have been inspired. Sure, I can still be a cynical cnut sometimes, but I have to admit, it could be a hell of a lot worse.

Edit - my transplant is at the end of the month and I am in full remission ( effectively cancer free!) wooyay!

I cannot thank enough all of those around me. I quite literally owe them my life *sniff*


Length - looking forward to another good 60 years or thereabouts!
(Thu 2nd Oct 2008, 21:46, More)

» Beautiful Moments, Part Two

this afternoon
while out and about, having a tea and people (read:girl) watching, chatting with a friend i hadn't seen in a few weeks and talking about the new job, future plans etc...I realized that today, of all days, was the one year "anniversary" of my re-diagnosis of lymphoma. Was right chuffed that a year later , I was sitting on a bench, talking about what I am planning to to and where I will be come the year next. Great feeling, that ! =)
(Mon 9th Aug 2010, 3:17, More)