Profile for Weetobix:
Male,31 46, from Bristol.
Spends far too much time reading B3ta when he should be working
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Male,
Spends far too much time reading B3ta when he should be working
Recent front page messages:
Best answers to questions:
» My Wanking Disasters
Oh Emma!
My cousin was walking back from a club with some friends a few years back, when they saw a single parked car in a cark park.
Inside was a man, slumped forward looking rather dead, so they flagged down a passing police car for help.
The policeman went up to the car, took out his truncheon and tapped politely on the window, at which point the 'corpse' woke up.
Mr Plod asked him if he was ok and if he would step out of the car. The man said he would really rather stay there, but the policeman insisted.
The car door was opened and the policemen, my cousin and her friends were in for a treat - the man had trousers and pants round his ankles, a cardboard cutout of Baby Spice, and his todger poking through a handy hole in said cutout.
Turns out he wasn't dead, he'd just wanked himself unconscious.
(Wed 2nd Jun 2004, 10:38, More)
Oh Emma!
My cousin was walking back from a club with some friends a few years back, when they saw a single parked car in a cark park.
Inside was a man, slumped forward looking rather dead, so they flagged down a passing police car for help.
The policeman went up to the car, took out his truncheon and tapped politely on the window, at which point the 'corpse' woke up.
Mr Plod asked him if he was ok and if he would step out of the car. The man said he would really rather stay there, but the policeman insisted.
The car door was opened and the policemen, my cousin and her friends were in for a treat - the man had trousers and pants round his ankles, a cardboard cutout of Baby Spice, and his todger poking through a handy hole in said cutout.
Turns out he wasn't dead, he'd just wanked himself unconscious.
(Wed 2nd Jun 2004, 10:38, More)
» When were you last really scared?
Zoom
A mate of mine used to work 30 miles from where he lived at the time with his parents.
One day the phone rang which he casually answered to hear his mother screaming and crying down the phone
"OHMYGODPLEASECOMEQUICKPLEEEEASEWAAAAAAHAAAHAAAAA!!!!"
Fuck! She's being attacked/raped/killed he immediately thought.
He Jumped on his motorbike, made it home in under 20 minutes (30 miles remember - you do the math), ran into the house with the motorbike on it's side, engine still running with the nearest heavy object he could use for a weapon.
Inside, ready to beat the assailant to death, he found his mum with an embarressed expression on her face.
"WHAT????"
"Oh... there was a spider. But the neighbour got rid of it."
"WHAT???????"
"Well it was a really big one!"
(Thu 22nd Feb 2007, 16:57, More)
Zoom
A mate of mine used to work 30 miles from where he lived at the time with his parents.
One day the phone rang which he casually answered to hear his mother screaming and crying down the phone
"OHMYGODPLEASECOMEQUICKPLEEEEASEWAAAAAAHAAAHAAAAA!!!!"
Fuck! She's being attacked/raped/killed he immediately thought.
He Jumped on his motorbike, made it home in under 20 minutes (30 miles remember - you do the math), ran into the house with the motorbike on it's side, engine still running with the nearest heavy object he could use for a weapon.
Inside, ready to beat the assailant to death, he found his mum with an embarressed expression on her face.
"WHAT????"
"Oh... there was a spider. But the neighbour got rid of it."
"WHAT???????"
"Well it was a really big one!"
(Thu 22nd Feb 2007, 16:57, More)
» Petty Sabotage
Ahh, PC Hijacking
My previous job had a great crowd of people on the work floor (the programmers and testers), toilet humour a plenty and counterstrike matches at lunchtime, but it also meant you couldn't leave your pc alone for 2 mins without locking it.
Most memorable was the time the only girl in the department left hers unattended for 3 minutes, and everyone else on the floor received the following email:
"Hi everyone, I just thought you'd like to know that me and my boyfriend tried anal sex for the first time last night. I quite liked it, but he said it made his arse hurt."
(Wed 4th May 2005, 16:07, More)
Ahh, PC Hijacking
My previous job had a great crowd of people on the work floor (the programmers and testers), toilet humour a plenty and counterstrike matches at lunchtime, but it also meant you couldn't leave your pc alone for 2 mins without locking it.
Most memorable was the time the only girl in the department left hers unattended for 3 minutes, and everyone else on the floor received the following email:
"Hi everyone, I just thought you'd like to know that me and my boyfriend tried anal sex for the first time last night. I quite liked it, but he said it made his arse hurt."
(Wed 4th May 2005, 16:07, More)
» Dressing Up
I do like a good halloween dress up
Here are a selection on some of my home made costumes from the past few years..
Firstly, here's Ash - complete with boomstick:
Only took me an evening or 2, so pretty quick for me.
Next, let's go a bit darker with Pyramid head from Silent Hill:
This took me a couple of months, mostly making the head out of an old bike helmet, lots of cardboard and paint. The knife is cardboard round an old pool queue.
Finally, my magnum opus... My space marine:
This took me about 100 hours over the course of 11 months. Papier mache over bike helmets, glueing and scultping polystyrene foam sheets by hand, attacking foam insulation with scissors sourcing non reactive varnish from the US and mixing copious amounts of wallpaper paste and poster paints.
Won a few competitions though!
Best part of all my dressing up was when I was supping a few bevvies outside a pub while dressed as pyramid head and some guy came up to me and said "Woah! Great costume dude! That's the best costume I've seen since that guy dressed up as a space marine a couple of years ago!". That'll be me then..
(Thu 25th Oct 2012, 16:33, More)
I do like a good halloween dress up
Here are a selection on some of my home made costumes from the past few years..
Firstly, here's Ash - complete with boomstick:
Only took me an evening or 2, so pretty quick for me.
Next, let's go a bit darker with Pyramid head from Silent Hill:
This took me a couple of months, mostly making the head out of an old bike helmet, lots of cardboard and paint. The knife is cardboard round an old pool queue.
Finally, my magnum opus... My space marine:
This took me about 100 hours over the course of 11 months. Papier mache over bike helmets, glueing and scultping polystyrene foam sheets by hand, attacking foam insulation with scissors sourcing non reactive varnish from the US and mixing copious amounts of wallpaper paste and poster paints.
Won a few competitions though!
Best part of all my dressing up was when I was supping a few bevvies outside a pub while dressed as pyramid head and some guy came up to me and said "Woah! Great costume dude! That's the best costume I've seen since that guy dressed up as a space marine a couple of years ago!". That'll be me then..
(Thu 25th Oct 2012, 16:33, More)