» Pure Ignorance

Chav Grandmother who works with my Dad:
"Is the moon I saw in Lanzarote the same moon we can see here?"
(Fri 7th Jan 2005, 13:25, More)

» Irrational Fears

Eating strange numbers
I can't stand eating biscuits in sets of odd numbers. So I always eat 2, 4, 6, 8 or 10 at a time.

I tried to rationalise this once and now I'm ok eating prime numbers (1, 3, 5 etc)...

But that still makes me a bonefide loon job! If I eat an entire packet, I'm counting all the way...
(Wed 28th Jan 2004, 15:33, More)

» Teenage Poetry

Poem
Teacher,
Preacher,
Failed at something else,
Miniature Hitler,
Left upon a shelf,
Bitterness,
And anger,
Churn beneath your smile,
Expecting our respecting,
You sit and wait a while,
Respect you need to earn, sir.
Didn't you know that?
Sculpted by your actions,
You sanctimonious twat.
Teacher,
Preacher,
Show us all life's rules,
We'll learn by your example,
And never leave our schools...
(Thu 11th Aug 2005, 16:03, More)

» Local Nutters

When I was at Greenwich University
They used to do a weekly "night club" affair where the Union was open until 2pm.

There was a weird plump guy who used to come every week on his own, wearing black stonewashed jeans and a Sepultura / Pantera / Megadeth / Maiden t-shirt. We used to call him Barney.

Every time the DJ played ANYTHING with a guitar in it, he used to fly around the dance floor in a circle doing the Angus Young / Status Quo air-guitar dance until he was knackered and then he'd stop and walk around muttering whilst flicking his head in this weird nervous twitch.

In the end, the DJ's would always just say "here's one for Barney..."
(Thu 16th Sep 2004, 12:16, More)

» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

Daphne and Celeste
Joined in with the krusty Slipknot fans at Reading Festival 2000 by pissing in a plastic bottle and throwing it at them.

They left the stage early. In tears.

MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA bonk
(Thu 15th Apr 2004, 12:13, More)