» Job Interviews

Not so much an interview, as from an applicants CV..........
The last paragraph is pure genius.

I am a tenacious focused intelligent risk taker who is positive, flexible and processes good business acumen.

A business builder who is forward thinking and has a fascination for emerging technologies and its implications on how we work and live. I’m a plain speaker who cuts to the core of what is required. A team player that doesn’t drop the ball and who looks to help others succeed.

I am looking for an organisation that reflects my profile and will allow me to explore and fuel my career ambitions.

3 years result focused, sharp end direct sales experience.

Result focused It’s all about results! That’s what I get paid on – new business pure and simple.Nothing happens without a sale - therefore salesman is king.The key to achieving target …Hard work, but that’s not enough you need to work Smart.I am courteous with people but ruthless with time and maximise every sales opportunity. A dog with a bone mentality with the tenacity to deliver.I’m aware of the current climate and I always have my ear to the ground. My sales strategy is focused towards high revenue key accounts, organisations that are forward thinking and open new concepts and ways of working. I look for Companies with whom to forge long-term partnerships with a view to revenue stream building and retention. The organisations I have worked for have instilled in me the need to take ownership of my business and I have drawn from this a work ethic that allows me to be self-managed and self-sufficient. This was demonstrated at xxxxxx where I was the first Business Adviser in the southeast to move from telemarketing support to being totally self-generated.From this I won a number of awards on a regional and national basis.With xxxxxx I never dropped out of the top 20 performers nationally, with over 250 sales advisers.

Relationship Building When first meeting a prospect I take the view that we are firstly individuals - from there one can find common ground. Its important that both understands the overall dynamics of each others business, it allows us to build a clearly defined picture of why were both there and how we both benefit each other. I always envisage a sphere if you will, which can be placed on the table for us to draw from. It contains the newly acquired knowledge and mutual understandings of each of are industry sectors. As the relationship grows it allows both parties to look to the sphere and understand how both businesses work and how we can identify specifically the requirements and fulfil them.I believe it is vital to establish the web of influence within the buyer organisation and there decision making protocols, from there my focus is to deliver the right solution to the right person at the right time. This has resulted in bringing on board key business that have received the correct solution for their organisation and are potentially more open to additional revenue steams and the adoption of emerging mobile technology, which going forward is vital to the cellular industry.

Twat!
(Mon 24th Jan 2005, 9:26, More)

» Strange things you've been paid to do

£50
to grow a mullet. This was a while ago when my barnet became rather unruly. Of course I said bollocks. However, I had my head shaved last New Years Eve, and decided not to have it cut until this New Year (no real reason), and hence I now have a mullet. Had to remind my mate, but he has agreed to pay. Result!
And I like the mullet too!! In fact since forming it, I have been beating the ladies off with a stick (6 in the last 3 months). If you are not getting any, a mullet will remedy that for you!
(Thu 30th Sep 2004, 12:58, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

There are many...
...I'm sure, but Mr Potts the Science teacher sticks in my mind. I actually liked him quite a lot. He was of the ethic work hard and I'll leave you alone, mess about and I'll ruin your shit. We found out he had a bit of a thing for the school secretary, and one day had asked her out on a date. She had said no, so he promptly walked out of the lab down into the car park and poured concentrated hydrchloric acid all over her car. Needless to say he got fired......
(Fri 11th Nov 2005, 15:45, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

Horseplay
I was going out with this girl, we'll call her Sarah, when I was about 18. Anyway, she was extremly equine orientated, and owned a couple of horses. One day we had to clean out the muck trailer, so we got out the garden forks and began hacking away at the large pile of well, shit, in the back of the trailer. Was fine until we got to the back of the trailer. My girlfriend was trying to hack the crap from the back of the trailer with some gusto. Suddenly she gave me a rather strange look, and went a bit white. When asking her what the problem was she said she had hit her leg with the fork. It wasn't until I noticed that there was a hole in the front AND the rear of her wellie, that I thought something was slightly amis. Clearly, she had stabbed the fork right through her leg and out the other side. A fork caked in shit, mind. After trying to stop her fainting, I had the rather difficult task of telling that SHE had to drive to the hospital, as I had just failed my third driving test and thus could not drive myself. Thankfully she made it the A&E without a problem, but then I nearly passed out when they stuck a huge plastic syringe full of Iodine right the way through the hole. Still makes me wince thinking about it!
(Thu 2nd Sep 2004, 19:15, More)

» Things you've done when you've had no money.

When I was about 18..
I spent three weeks staying at my girlf's house while her parents were away. They had left her a minimal amount of money to get herself any essentials and food for the leigon of dogs(they lived in the country!).Anyway, all the food was gone after a few days, we'd even rooted out all the shit form the back of the cupboards. Some bright spark remembered there was a pot of change knocking around, just 2p's and 1p's. A merciful release you might think, however we didn't go and buy any food, for some reason we spent £7 on pellets for the air rifle. Had to go in the shop and pay with all this change, for fucking air rifle ammo. I guess the idea being we could hunt and catch food(yeah, right!). We did dine on a wood pigeon that one of us shot that day though, but the rest of the pellets got wasted on shooting each other/small birds/cars the usual. I still don't know why we didn't just go to the supermarket, kids eh!
(Fri 8th Oct 2004, 12:53, More)