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Profile for monsta:
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Allo,

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» My Christmas Nightmare

Last christmas where my now extremely senile nan
recognised my brother and sister, but failed miserably to recognise me.
Yeh that was a great christmas. No watermeloning present.
(Thu 23rd Dec 2004, 17:52, More)

» Worst Record Ever

Lady in red
Because Chris DeBurgh is a fucking zeppelin who can't sing, and everytime I hear this song I am reminded of chimpanzees in red dresses. And usually break down in tears. WHEREVER THE HELL I AM.
(Tue 2nd Dec 2003, 19:51, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Lovely Liver
When I was a child I hated liver, but absolutely loved chocolate sponge pudding, so to get me to eat this crap people call food, my mum would mash chocolate pudding and liver together.

They recently told me they did this every wednesday night until I was 10.

And people wonder why they found them under the patio.
(Sun 18th Jan 2004, 15:40, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Whats blue and orange and sits on the bottom of a pool?
A baby with slashed arm bands.


Whats red and orange and floats on the top of the pool?

Arm bands with slashed baby.
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 9:52, More)

» Have you ever started a fire?

As well as my previos post that included a shed burning down,
a quick way to burn off 30% of your hair is this:
In morning apply dax wax to hair. (basically solidified vegetable oil).
Thus turning shaped hair into millions of little candles, with the wick being your hair and the wax obviously as wax.
Go to school.
Perform "burning hair" while forgetting that you are wearing said wax.
Run like fuck to get something to put it out.
Smell of burnt hair for fornight following.
(Wed 3rd Mar 2004, 16:41, More)
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