» Booze Related Disasters

Jack Daniels and Stoli
A couple of years ago I was an exchange student in America, and arrived at some sort of international student introductory party where everyone was getting to know each other. Me and this other exchange student I'd met from Wales had spent a few hours getting to know the local bars beforehand. I was intoduced to a stunning girl from Austria, and wondered whether they spoke German in Austria- decided to teest this theory by slurring "Kanst me ein blaasen" (give me a blowjob, according to a german exchange student I'd met the day before). Learnt a couple of lessons- yes, Austrians do speak German, and also I'd just propositioned the Mayor of Saltzberg's daughter. Classy.

Most memorable one involved a bottle of Stolichnaya- a dangerously smooth vodka which is very easy to drink without upsetting your stomach. Went out to some dodgy pub in covent garden, the castle or something, with a full bottle of this in my coat pocket, which I drank along with whatever else was available. The hangover was one of those ones which seems to trancend pain and rational thought- where you feel fine, but the brain just doesn't work properly. The next morning it took me a couple of hours to piece things together not what happened, but what was happening... I woke up in an unfamiliar bed, fully clothed except for boots thinking "I don't recognise this room, and why are those windows boarded up? Oh well" and fell asleep again. Time passes, I wake up, "Oh look, a naked girl with long hair is sleeping next to me, great, and look at how this bedside table is an upturned crate", zzzz. More time passes, and I awake to find said girl cuddling me. Notice said girl has rather large hands. How unusual... a minute or so of cuddling later, I look round at her and notice said girl also has a substantial goatee. After maybe a minute of probably quite comic staring at the wall thinking ohshitohshitohshit with this lad breathing down my neck, I noticed my boots and coat were in the corner of the room, staggered up and grabbed them, and practically fell down the stairs- after getting out of what was a very nicely kept squat, I was lucky enough to see an Underground sign just down the road and made my way home. Suppose that makes me a cocktease, eh?

Whoever you were, bloke with goatee, sorry for the misunderstanding. And, er, thanks for not raping me.
(Fri 19th Mar 2004, 11:16, More)