» Picky Eaters

Vegetarians are so picky
A friend from college loved annoying vegetarians. His roomate's girlfriend was a vegetarian. Let the games begin.

Once, within her earshot, he ordered a meat-lovers pizza with extra animal and told them if they hit an animal on the way over to just plop it on top. He did this because she ordered a cheese pizza. She almost cried.

He firmly agrees with the principle of "for every animal you don't eat, I'll eat three." He has a bumper sticker that states "So many cats, so few recipies."

His culinary masterpiece was a burger called "The Ark" which contained ground beef, ground pork, ground lamb, ground turkey, ground chicken, and any other ground animal he could get his hands on. This was then put in a blender for maximum compactness. It was shaped into a patty, wrapped in bacon, and fried. Just looking at it could give you a heart attack.

She said it was cruel to eat meat because the animals were killed horribly... so he bought a goat. The goat was humanely barbequed. She refused to eat any.

As for me, I can't eat oysters. Had to disect one once and they just disgust me. I'm not picky though. I've eaten chicken feet and other dubious parts before. My sister was tricked into eating cow tongue by a friend's mom. She said it was good but seeing the tongue afterwards made her ill.

Edit: Just remembered. He also loved to eat ribs and turkey legs in front of vegetarians. He would make growling noises to piss them off even more.
(Thu 1st Mar 2007, 19:55, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Textbooks
Someone else posted about textbooks so here's what I've recieved.

In a math book: A flip-book on the corners with Batman humping Robin. I added The Joker joining them.

In a history text: Every face was colored blue with a white-out hat and "Smurf" was added to the names. The best was Carl Marx Smurf.

In a science book: Mustaches on everyone/thing, even a rocket.

Various library books had commentary written in the margins such as:
"Frodo dies" near the start of The Lord Of The Rings.
"Snape kills Hermione and Ron" in book 6 of Harry Potter.
"The butler did it" in a mystery novel.
"I ran out of toilet paper, sorry about the last chapter"
"I licked every page"
Jesus H. Christ (written on inside cover of Bible, as if it was a signature
(Sun 6th May 2007, 3:59, More)

» Guilty Secrets

Help Lassie!
Once I wrote on my white dog with a marker. I wrote "I need toilet paper." My mom was annoyed. I did not feel sorry for the dog, even though the message stayed a few days. I have also drawn a mustache on the dog and a monacle.

I will also use my laptop while on the crapper.
(Tue 4th Sep 2007, 23:08, More)

» Missing body parts

There once was a pirate...
who walked into a bar with a peg leg, hook hand, and eye patch. One of the local drunks got curious and asked how he lost the leg. The pirate replied "It got bit off by a shark." Then the guy asked how he lost the hand. The pirate replied "The same damned shark bit it off when I tried to get my leg back." The drunk then replied "Oh so the shark got your eye too?" The pirate got a whistful look in his eyes and said "No... a seagull crapped in it." The drunk laughed and asked how the Hell seagull crap could make him lose an eye. The pirate said "It was my first day with the hook."
(Tue 6th Jun 2006, 20:08, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Crude poems are common here in bathroom stalls
"Those who write on bathroom walls
Roll their turds in little balls.
Those who read those words of wit
Eat those little balls of shit."

"Here I sit amidst clouds of vapor
Some S.O.B. done stole the paper.
Well I a'int got no time to linger
Look out ass here comes my finger."

"Here I sit all broken hearted
Came to shit but only farted.
Later on I took a chance
Tried to fart but shat my pants."
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 20:25, More)