b3ta.com user s. shoe
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» Pure Ignorance

Kebabs
one evening after several pints, me and some friends were discussing the kebabs we'd just bought.

Friend: what's doner meat made of? Is it beef?
Me: No, it's lamb.
Friend: Oh well. Same animal.
(Sun 9th Jan 2005, 10:24, More)

» Dad Jokes

Urine.
My dad never locks the toilet door. I go in one day and he's there doing a pee. I say, "Oh, you're in". And he replies, "Yes, urine!" Now he says it any time he comes into the toilet when I'm there.

Also, if he looks at you, and you ask him, "what are you looking at?", he will invariably reply, "I don't know, the label's fallen off."

Every time he comes into the kitchen when I'm making a sandwich or whatever, he always says "good to yourself, aren't you?". No need!
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 17:48, More)

» Shit Stories

bluemouths
when I was about 7 or 8, you used to get sweets from our corner shop called bluemouths. They made your tongue blue. They also made your shite go bright green, as I once found out after eating a large bag of them.
(Thu 6th May 2004, 2:03, More)

» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

Phil Kay
At T in the Park a few years ago, my brother noticed Scottish comedian Phil Kay (who was the presenter for the TV coverage) standing around chatting to some people. He decided to say hello to him by running over and jumping on his back. Phil told him to fuck off.
(Thu 15th Apr 2004, 21:23, More)