» Political Correctness Gone Mad

*blood boils*
gets on my tits, this stuff does. here are some of the incidents of PC-ism that i've come up against in my life.

1) 11 years old, told another kid he was "being a shit", only to be told this was racist because he was black. i wasn't calling him a shit because he was black, i was calling him a shit because he was being a shit!

2) year 10 (aged 15), a group of black guys in my year started using "white" as a derogatory adjective. that annoyed me, a lot. it pissed me off that they were allowed to use the word "white" without any kind of comment from the teaching staff, even though if a white student were to say "you're so black" in a derisory way they'd get the bollocking of their life. come on guys, one way or the other, make a choice!

3) my sixth form college. don't get me started on my fucking sixth form college! one of the most racially biased institutions i've ever come into contact with. it's in south-east london, and accordingly the vast majority of students are of mixed african or caribbean descent. it was something like 60% black, 30% white and 10% mixed asians.
there was a clear division between black students and everyone else, that was definitely self imposed by a lot of the black students. there were two cafeterias in the college, one at the front and one at the back. the one at the back was known as café trois, due to it being in it's third refit. the café at the front didn't have a name, but it was referred to as café noir, due to the fact that white people were basically not allowed in there, for fear of getting a kicking. i went into town for my fucking lunch.
fastforward to the end of a-level leavers ball, at a moderately-swanky hotel in south london. a video was played that had been made by the student council, with goodbye messages from various students. there were about 30 talking heads in the video. how many black people? 29. asians? 1. whites? zero. a black member of the senior leadership team said that if she'd seen the video beforehand, she would have had it pulled. it was a piss take.
edit of edit: bugger, probably revealed too much there, could get done for libel...


4) got told off on monday for describing ségolène royale as a moron. for those who don't know, she was one of the lead candidates in the recent french general election. i was then described as a chauvinist. it was assumed that i thought she was a moron because she's a woman. i think she's a moron because she's a moron, with the political sense of a ham sandwich.

seriously, we've gone out the other side! there's been so much thought put into not offending ethnic/religious/cultural minorities that it's become the norm for the majority to be disregarded and discriminated against, certainly where i came from. i hate to sound like i'm in support of the frat-boys in borat, but it's absolutely true that minorities have all the power in terms of discrimination. grargh!

not a racialist or anything, just very, very annoyed by PC and the way that it's gone full circle...

rant over. i have a massive schlong.
(Thu 22nd Nov 2007, 16:35, More)

» School Trips

belgium/france
so, year 9 (13/4 years old), history trip for six days to the first world war battle-fields and grave yards of france and belgium. probably the best trip i've ever been on.

the tour guide for the week was a miserable scottish bastard, by the name of Murray McVay. within seconds he was known by all 60 kids on the trip as Murray McGay. good times.

most of the rooms were three-berth, but there was a handful of rooms for four, one of which myself and my pallies sean, sammo and kyle had managed to accquire. we had a very entertaining week, with the majority of our humour coming from nightly activities.

there was another room of four beside us, and they had the wonderful idea of playing goaly-squash against the adjoining wall at half three in the morning. kyle, being the aggressive guy he was at the time proceeded to shout the following at them through a gap between the wall and the cieling: "listen, you little fucking cunts! i'm fucking tired, and i want to go to fucking sleep! if you don't all fucking shut up, i'm gonna come in there and fucking punch all of you in the fucking head! fucking right?!"

pleasant.

on another evening, the lads from the room at the end of the corridor got hold of a metal bar, which they proceeded to use as a puncturer for the foam cieling of the hallway. they got banned from any other trips, quick-sharp.

additionally, we had a slanging match with some german students at two in the morning from our bedroom window. it was started by kyle and sam shouting "alright cunts? can you fucking shut it, yeah?" to which they shouted something in german, and we all shouted something back. good times.

we got told off for listening to jonny cash at 1 in the morning. bangers got confiscated. sam wandered round the room in the nude after having a shower, claiming he couldn't find his towel, which he'd actually left in the shower room.

oh, and the head of history, a raging alcoholic, got hammered every night, and leered at girls on a regular basis. he was a legend.

hehe... murray mcgay.
(Tue 12th Dec 2006, 14:47, More)

» Stuff You've Overheard

i got 2 for you.
1) my dad is walking along the thames, in the middle of american tourist season. anyhow, he sees 2 yankie knobs staring up with a map between them. one says "hmm... i wonder where the tower of london is...?", the other says "well, i guess it must be behind this big old castle..."

(for those of you that don't know, or haven't figured it out, the big old castle is the tower of london...)

2. this isn't so much overheard as heard in confusion. my older brother has a frend called pie-man. apparently when he tells jokes he gets past the first sentence and just shits himself laughing. he does, however, continue vainly to tell the joke, while laughing beer out of his nose.
anyway, one particularly hazy even', he begins to tell a joke, and everyone knows where it's going. they listen anyway, in the hope that they might figure it out. he giggle his way through, and no-one understands. however, when he gets to the end he says quite clearly (the immortal words):

"... so the bishop says to the doctor 'you can't do that with a spoon!'"

everyone promptly shits themself laughing, and pie-man marvels at the fact that he told a successful joke...
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 19:19, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

not necessarily a joke...
my best mate sam was in sceince the other day...

teacher: where do you find chemical reactions?
sam: in a gas chamber *dirty grin*
teacher: you sicko... detention...

this one is though:

a guy is sitting in his office. he's feeling a bit cheeky, so he decides to get some proffesional help. he calls up the nearest prostitution agency, and asks them to send the best person that they can straight away.
about twenty minutes later, a slender young blonde turns up.
"what do you want me to do first?" she enquires.
"well," he says "it's my first time, shall we start off with a handjob?"
"sure..." she says "that's £500."
"WHAT!?" he shouts "500 quid?"
"you see this watch on my wrist?" she shows him a diamond encrusted rolex. "i bought that with the money i get from handjobs."
"wow," he says "you must be good... go for it!"
five minutes later, he's sitting there, with his trousers round his ankles, covered in his own muck.
"fucking hell!" he says "that's the best wank i've ever had!"
"yeah," she says "i know. anything else?"
"do you do blowjobs?"
"sure" she says again "that's £1000."
"What the fuck!" he yells "for a blowjob?"
she grabs his arm and leads him to the window.
"you see that porsche out there?" he looks at the shiney new boxter; "i bought that with the money i get from giving head..."
"fuck!" he says "it must worth it. let's go!"
she sets to work again. this time he almost passes out from the pleasure he experiences. she stands up and wipes her mouth.
"Jesus!" he shouts "that was the best fucking blowjob i've ever had!"
"i know..." she says "anything else?"
"well, i've done your hand... that was amazing. i've done your mouth, that was even better... now i want your faff!"
"right..." she says.
she leads him back over to the window. pointing to a huge skyscraper on the horizon, she says "you see that tall building?"
"Yes!" he says, guessing what's coming next.
"if i had a faff, i could probably buy it..."
(Sun 12th Sep 2004, 16:55, More)

» My most gullible moment

Once, in an English Lit lesson
I told a girl that Leonato calls Hero a "ho-bag slut" in Much Ado About Nothing. She responded with and earnest "Really?!" and I came back with "No, retard. It was the 16th century." She was well a mong.

My penis is inversely sized to this post. So huge. Unconventionally huge.
(Thu 21st Aug 2008, 19:03, More)