Real meaning of signs #123b

(Mon 21st Nov 2005, 22:22, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

I work in a call centre
for a well known British gas company. Some of the munters that we get ringing up beggar belief.

Like the man that thought that his bill was over a hundred pound more than it should be and claimed that he had had a gas leak. Now let me explain, roughly 12p of gas is a hundred cubic feet. I'll say that again for impact, a HUNDRED cubic feet. In the end I had to explain to him that 12p's worth could destroy his house, a hundred pounds worth would have taken everything south of the Humber offthe face of the map.

Another favourite was a lady who rang up to tell me that her gas was being stolen by the people in the flat upstairs. We have to take these reports very seriously as stealing gas is a very dangerous business. When I asked her how she knew, she told me that her ceiling had told her in the night. Strange thing was, when the engineer got there, the people from the upstairs flat had been stealing her gas.

Sorry about the length of this, I have many, many more.
(Fri 2nd Jan 2004, 17:23, More)

» Best Comebacks

While at college
a rather scary strange girl, (who was also my best mate's gf at the time) was coming on to me very obviously in front of everyone on my course.

I used to wear glasses for reading, but as I was about to go up a ladder to arrange some of the stage lighting I took them off.

She then turned around and said.

"Without your glasses on you look great."

To which I replied-

"Without my glasses on you look a lot better too."

Cue no more embarassing attempts to cop off, result!
(Thu 29th Apr 2004, 22:07, More)

» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

Oh, also while working
backstage in a theatre, I managed to knock Geoffrey from Rainbow flat on his arse as he was walking toward some two way doors and wasn't looking.

I also saw Sooty there in a wooden box before a show, told him to stop making crap telly programmes. Didn't even answer me, ignorant little, hand up the arse puppet!
(Thu 15th Apr 2004, 0:16, More)

» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

Last one, I promise
I once told Les Dennis to fuck off. Sit down and let me tell you a story.....

While at college doing performing arts, we were told that we were going to get a special visitor that day. Normally these people were experts in their field, and we usually learnt a lot from them.

I was informed that this time I would the find that the visitor particularly helpful. Why? Is it a consultant psychiatrist? I humorously quipped.

No, it was an expert in comedy. I was quite pleased as comedy was very much the last thing that we ever looked at on our course.

During the day we heard rumours that the visitor was none other than talentless, shortarse, impressionist of people who are no longer on the telly, dumped by his missus for a younger model - Les Dennis!

As you can probably tell, I am not the chairman of his fan club......

When my friend and me walked into the room to see who it was, all of the expectant faces of the tutors turned towards me and beamed triumphantly.

Both of us saw who it was, and in front of a hushed theatre said loudly

"Oh fuck it really is that talentless twat Les Dennis"

The winning smile in his face quickly faded.

I hope that he remembers that, I really do.
(Fri 16th Apr 2004, 0:36, More)

» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

Thought of a couple more....
While doing work experience in the publicity department at the Leadmill in Sheffield, I answered the phone to one Richey Edwards from the Manic's.

I had spoken to James Dean Bradfield earlier in the week, and he was a very nice chap. (This was before they were really famous) Anyway Richey eventually gave the "Do you know who I am?" speech, as he was not getting the answers that he wanted. So I answered promptly, that yes I knew who he was, that his fellow band member was much more polite and they would probably get more help if he called.

He told that he could get me fired.

Me: Doubt it mate, I am student working here for nowt, so it would make it very difficult to get me fired then, wouldn't it?

I hung up before I could hear his reply.

As I hung up on him, I was fully expecting to be given my marching orders (it would have been worth it!) But they all started clapping and saying that they had all spoken to him on different occasions and wished that they could do what I had just done, but they were employees. They never told anyone else, as I would probably have been in trouble. Very cool people, and no mistake.
(Fri 16th Apr 2004, 0:28, More)