stop teen pregnancy in britain...

(Tue 15th Feb 2005, 17:12, More)

» Injured Siblings

not me, my dad
my dad told his wee sister to jump out the second story window and he'd catch her.
at the last moment, he did the comedy 'hold-arms-out-in-wrong-place' bit...
he didn't catch her, she broke her leg


my dad's wee brother broke my dad's wrist - by jumping the entire flight of stairs and karate-chopping dad's arm.
the day dad got his cast off, he was watching tv resting his arm on the arm of the sofa. his little bro 'surprise-karate-chopped' dad's arm. and broke it again.
(Thu 18th Aug 2005, 14:05, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

the bellybutton thing..
my dad and grandad used to tell me, my bro and my cousins that if you put your finger in your bellybutton your bum fell off too! wow! i thought it was just my family...

also, my grandad has a cleft in his chin and he used to tell me he got it from leaning on the popper of his wallet when he was at the pub. that let the barman know he wanted another drink.

any time i asked my dad a question, after hearing the answer i'd ask how he knew that. he'd reply "i learnt it in daddy school". i believe in daddy school til i was about 9...

this is a bit different, but when my cousin was about 5, he asked his dad where hair comes from. his dad went into a big explanation about hair follicles and pigment and etc. about ten minutes later when he finished, he told my cousin to go and tell his mum what he had learned.
my cousin went to his mum and said "mum, you know that lump on your foot?" pointing to his ankle. "well, that's a squirrel and when you're asleep it brushes it's fur and puts it into a bucket and runs up to your head and pushes the hair through your head. old people have grey hair cuz they have grey squirrels."
my uncle was just like :O ??!
(Tue 20th Jan 2004, 15:21, More)

» Stupid Tourists

the northern lights
my dad heard an american asking the tourist info office in edinburgh what time the northern lights would be on.
the tourist info person said "half past eight"

haha!
(Mon 11th Jul 2005, 8:10, More)

» When I met the parents

i wasn't going out with him yet
but this party was the catalyst for good things to come:

it was a friend's 18th and he had a pirate themed birthday party.
unfortunately at the time i was on a course of anti-biotics. but i couldn't let that stop me from getting as drunk as a pirate so the rum (or jack and coke) flowed freely.
the time came for the family of the 18yr old to go to bed so us pirates decided to go into town to continue partying.
by this point, the alcohol had started to react with my anti-biotics and i became a delirious spewing mess, so my soon-to-be boyfriend took me just next door to his parents house.
his lovely mother held my sword and my hair out of my face while i proceeded to 'call ralph on the big porcelain phone'... and i'm pretty sure i farted a couple of times from the heaving...........
any time pirates are mentioned now, i get a dig in the ribs
(Fri 20th May 2005, 8:21, More)

» Old People Talk Bollocks

how come it's all mostly grans?
are all grans just mental?
my gran's no exception. when she visited us one time, she commented on how the trees are a much nicer shape than where she's from... ?!?
she was using a humane trap to catch mice in... then drowning them in a bucket outside...
when i was 17 she came through to tell me that sesame (see-same) street was starting and would i like to watch it
and recently in a restaurant she called a waiter over to ask if they had any of "that nice mongol juice?" (she meant mango)
(Thu 11th Mar 2004, 18:30, More)