» Now, there was no need for that...

ouch
jumping into a swimming pool in france, i end up sat on a foot long piece of industrial wire (hell knows where it'd come from), no need to tell you where it had found itself inserted, so there's me, crying and clambering out of the pool with my new metal tail only to be accosted by the creepy pool attendant -
'can i 'elp you wiz zat??!'
-accompanied with an over exaggerated wink and a smile, now there was no need for that...
(Fri 17th Jun 2005, 14:38, More)

» Shame

no really, not my shame
15, bitchy as hell, and bitter about not being cool, my best friend (p) and i were stood in the school playground muttering offensive comments *almost* within earshot of the trendy kids (as you do)

(p) - 'what the fucks up with her hair'
(trendy girl) - 'i've got cancer'

yeah, she'd only been off school having chemo for the last 4 months - and we'd not noticed, oh the shame

i'm so sorry
and it wasn't even me
(Sun 27th Nov 2005, 22:48, More)

» Jobsworths

un-jobsworthy
the boyfriend was pulled over on the motorway, sunday morning on the way from mine to his, doing about 87mph in a 10yr old metro -

policeman: i've clocked you twice doing over the limit from the last junction, you obviously haven't been using you mirrors or you'd have seen me, and i guess you'd have slowed down

the bf: oops

policeman: this is a crappy old metro, not a ferrari, if you crash, you're toast, don't do it again

sed policeman gets into car, watches the bf drive away, then roars past at about 100mph with lights blazing

what a nice chap
(Tue 17th May 2005, 22:43, More)

» Have you ever paid for sex?

no.
sorry!
i can make something up if you'd prefer..?
well there was this one time....
(Mon 23rd Jan 2006, 10:21, More)

» Panic Buying

panic theif-ing...?
...last day of the holiday, panic gift finding ensues, i thiefed all the mini parasols / swords / coctail stirrers from every empty glass at the airport bar = instant amusing holiday gift for my best friend

winner :)
(Wed 28th Dec 2005, 11:00, More)