» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

Stephen Tompkinson
I was in Brighton (rubbish place, full of twats) with my work mates and we were queuing for change in an arcade when a lanky bloke with a sheepish expression I vaguely recognised pushed in front with his girlfriend. My tall mate from Barnsley cheerfully bellowed: "OI, TOMPKINSON: BACK OF THE LINE!" Stephen had the decency to look embarrassed though and shuffled off.

(Brighton really is full of uppity trendy twats though. I hope it explodes for no readily apparent reason.)
(Thu 15th Apr 2004, 14:36, More)

» Fire!

Balls of fire and a flaming cock
When I was 17 and experimenting with stop motion, all my films ended up in fires and explosions after discovering the joy of dismantling fireworks.

When I burnt down the huge cardboard set for 'Frankenstein's Cock' (adapted from a Viz strip) the plasticine started to melt and all the little plastic props went too.

Then the whole set caught alight and in an attempt to deprive it of oxygen, hurled toilet paper on it...which predictably ignited. By the time the smoke alarm went off there was a campfire-sized conflagration in my room so I ran off to get a bucket of water...that feeling of being out of sight of a fire while furiously filling a bucket and soaking a towel felt like forever but I rushed back and doused the fire...

I stumbled downstairs, somewhat damp and sooty to find my entire family still happily watching telly. They thought it was a car alarm...dicks.

On the upside I got some great footage!

_____________________________________

At uni I had a mate called Matt who was a bit mad. We watched him attempt to set fire to his arse by pouring lighter fuel on it. As he ignited it we realised the fluid had run down his ploughman's and soaked into his pubes as he bent over. Twin sheets of flame erupted front and back as he stumbled around the room, pants round his ankles going "oooo! OOOOOO!" We were so doubled up with laughter we physically couldn't get up to help him. The result was hairless, very red genitalia and a scorched ringpiece. I later set fire to my goatee but that wasn't nearly as funny...
(Wed 9th Nov 2005, 8:47, More)

» The last thing that made me cry

Comedown
I cry more than a fella ought to but I remember the one and only time I did a pill, well, half of one...had a fantastic night and then spent the rest of the weekend crying in front of The Towering Inferno, Star Trek: First Contact and then that episode of the Simpsons where Maggie says "Daddy"

I was then non-functional for three more days.

I am such a lightweight...I'm not expecting sympathy, certainly not after following the heart attack post below....puts it all in perspective really. I can only cry at fiction anyway...
(Mon 18th Apr 2005, 22:00, More)

» Impromptu Games You Play

Theme Tune
Me and my brother, when meeting in London somewhere, sometimes find a nice vantage point, (eg. Burger King in Piccadilly Circus) watch people walking past and give them theme tunes... usually ripped off Children's TV programmes from the 80s.

It's amazing how many people walk like Roobarb and Custard or Mr. Ben. The Professionals is good as well.

I can't believe my first post was so dull.
(Tue 30th Mar 2004, 14:22, More)