On a distant icy planet....


Edit:- looks better in firefox
Edit 2:- My first FP!!! WOO! *dances*
(Fri 30th Dec 2005, 12:21, More)

» Shit Stories

Not exactly shit based, but seemed to fit the question
When I was at school, my dad always managed to get free sweets and chocolates from a friendly corner shop owner. He collected a mass of sweet goodies for me to enjoy. One sunday I managed to chomp through six packets of blackberry Hubba Bubba bubblegum. On the next Monday morning in my maths class i let out an enormous (and thankfully quiet) fart. Moments later the kid behind me said,
'Anyone smell blackcurrant?'
The whole classroom stunk of ribena. The teacher then spent the rest of the class looking for the kid eating blackcurrant sweets.
(Thu 6th May 2004, 14:42, More)

» Beautiful Moments

I have three, no apologies for the last one
1- Last year late at night when walking back from work. I was walking through a graveyard whilst it was snowing. No wind, no noise. Just me, a crystal like atmosphere, the cycle of life and snowflakes two inches across falling like feathers.

2- A BBQ on the beach at Uni with my housemates and friends. Nothing but food, beer and cheap cd's from three in the afternoon till four the next morning.

3- Shit childhood, all the normal stuff. Parents split, siblings that hated me and had a personality that just didn't 'mesh' with anybody else. The few friends I had stabbed me in the back one by one from the age of seven onwards, the teachers all agreed that I was advanced but withdrawn from the world. Heading on for college the only friends I had were people forced to talk to me, one of them had a nervous breakdown after I failed to listen to his problems. My father lied to me about my grandads death and conned me out of £9000 inheritance and I'll never see my younger sisters again as he fucked off up north with them.
I was completly inside myself, the person people spoke to when adressing me was a facade. So in the first months of college I planned my suicide. Everything planned, all I had to do was tie-up loose ends.
A young woman from one of my classes started talking to me at the bustop to go home. For the first time ever it seemed, someone was actually interested in me, not what I was or what the rumours said.
For the ten minutes we spoke on that bus I was born. Everything I am and have now is because of her, because someone took the time to be concerned about someone they didn't know. For that I am eternally grateful. She is to this day a fantastic friend, and by far the most wonderful person I know. Everytime I see her is a special moment.

No apologies for length, you know you love it ;¬)
(Sun 13th Mar 2005, 0:59, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

What do Ayrton Senna and Freddy Mercury have in common?
They both died with blood on their helmets
(Thu 9th Sep 2004, 20:24, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

How do you circumcise a Redneck?
Punch his sister in the jaw
(Thu 9th Sep 2004, 20:11, More)

» My Worst Vomit

God I miss University,
When the American re-make of The Ring came out, I decided to have a large portion of homemade Chicken Tikka Masala (the bright red stuff) before I watched it. Me and three of my housemates enjoyed the film, and two them and me decided to have a little drink. One of my house mates opened a nice bottle of red wine (13.5%vol). We had half each.
The other housemate who stayed up opened a bottle of white (12%vol). We finished it off between us.
At this point I bring out a bottle of something you can't buy in Britain. It is called Ron 151 and is made in the Dominican Rebublic, my mother very kindly bought some for me. It's called Ron 151 because it is 151%proof (or 75.5%vol). The Dominicans call it 'petrol' because you can run two stroke motorbikes off of it. (this is god honest truth!)
One hour later, all 75cl of the Ron have been drunk between the three of us, NEAT. This is when we started drinking the shots of Archers.
I will now take this moment to say that I have an alcohol intolerance.
I remember bringing up the thick and red, rice pudding textured vomit up in the downstairs toilet, the upstairs toliet, in my bedroom, on myself and then things get hazy. I wake up in the living room the next day with my white T-shirt now a nice shade of red-brown. There is sick outside on the Patio, on the stairs and in my pants (?).
It isn't long before I start bringing up Bile (which my housemate proudly got a photo of). After a few hours I brave walking upstairs to my bedroom to be greeted with a large pile of red rice and a room that smells of nail varnish remover (that's the ron).
It took three clear weeks to get rid of the smell, and some careful explaining to one of my lectures of what the red flecks on their text book was,,,,,
(Tue 24th Aug 2004, 23:24, More)