» My Wanking Disasters

Speed wank
A few years back (about 7) my girlfriend lived up in a posh bit of Surrey, while I lived 70 miles away in Sussex. After one particularly frustrating and blue-ball inducing night with her on the sofa I set off home early on Sunday morning. I was driving back down the deserted M25 and came up with the stunning idea of rubbing out out while driving. I slid the seat back to get a bit of leg room, moved over to the slow lane and settled at a steady 70mph in my £600 Metro. Content with the conditions I unzipped myself and set to work. Everything was going fine, and I kept an eye on the rear view mirror. This little trick meant I had plenty of time to tuck the old chap away the few times a car overtook me.
As I was about to finish the job something happened that I hadn't planned, ploughing down on the left had side of me (and therefore completely out of view) from the slip road was a coach full of soldiers that got a birds eye view of me spunking my load all over myself and the dashboard while swerving across 3 lanes of motorway at the sudden approach of 50 overhead spectators.
(Tue 1st Jun 2004, 22:41, More)