» School Trips

A special school trip
It was just myself and my maths teacher, nothing like that though, I'm too ugly for my teacher to even think of that.
Anyway, it was a trip to Stephen Hawking's 60 Birthday Symposium, 5 hours of lectures from world renowned physists. Being the top scholar in sixth form a year later, I'd quite enjoyed the day, especially the pheasant for lunch.
Seeing as it was only the two of us, my teacher had driven us there in his own car, quite an old volvo. Once back at school, I got out of the car and shut the door. Only it didn't shut, so I opened it again and shut it slightly more firmly. (Read as "Slammed the bastard shut with all my might")
It was only after this that I realised my teacher had wanted to talk to me, and had put his hand in the way to stop the door shutting.
I'd broken 3 of his fingers.
(Wed 13th Dec 2006, 15:09, More)

» Singing the wrong words

My dad
manages to ruin many a brilliant song, one of my favourites being Groove Armada - At The River:

"If you're fond of sand dunes, and salty jizz..."
(Thu 27th Jan 2005, 12:12, More)

» My first experience of porn

Not really porn but
I went round my mates when I was about 10 to watch Total Recall and he fast-forwarded it to the bar scene.

Still looking for a woman with 3 tits now.
(Fri 26th Jan 2007, 11:07, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

Don't run in the house
When I was 5 (and a half), chasing my younger brother about, I slipped on a book I'd left on the floor, and fell chin first into the coffee table, and cut it open so you could see the bone.

Then when I got to hospital, they told me not to move while they gave me 4 anaesthetic injections into my chin, and I told my parents afterwards that I'd moved my leg a bit.
(Thu 4th May 2006, 15:49, More)

» Near Death Experiences

From school
First time: After being told specifically not to, my mate filled a 250 cubic cm measuring cylinder up with hydrogen, got me to put to hold it and then lit the end. The teacher told us afterwards that if it had had any imperfections, it would have lacerated everyone in the room and probably slashed our wrists.

About a month later in Physics: Playing about with the power packs that we're only supposed to use 2 volts on, but they go up to 12, so on guy thinks it'll be fun to make some sparks, so he whacks it up to 12 volts and starts touching a bit of metal across the contacts. Then he spots one that goes up to 20 volts so he gets that one instead, and leaves the metal plate across the contacts, switches it on, then tries to remove the metal plate with the scapel he's holding just as I walk past. He got a shock, which made him throw his arm back very quickly and throw the scalpel over his shoulder. It scraped under my chin and stuck into the wall behind him.
(Wed 1st Dec 2004, 18:18, More)