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(Sun 20th Nov 2005, 15:46, More)

Sorry about this but these ads really get on my (metaphorical) tits

p.s thanks for the fp my first EVER, cheers
(Wed 11th Aug 2004, 19:15, More)

» My first love

Right I've had enough of all these whiney emo cunts posting stories about some teen angst bollocks that no-one else could give a flying shite about, so here's my happy story
We met when we were 16, it was at this local club place with shit £6 bottles of piss and even shitter music, but it was the only place for miles around so everyone in the locality ventured there on a weekend.

This weekend I happened to be out, I had had one too many drinks and saw a ladyfreind of mine with very attractive freind.

Cue me doing that pissed up half walking half dancing swagger up to them loaded with vodka and thus feeling more confident (if slightly less coherent) by the second.

I get closer, they havent run away yet,mmmm things are going well I think to myself, I walk up and deliver my killer opening line..
"hello I havn.."
I'm cut short by the fact Ive just tripped over my own legs and fallen onto both of them, I make light of the situation talk to my freind for a bit then fuck off before I do something else stupid seeing as I'm not getting any more sober.

Well imagine my surprise when said friend walks up to me the next day a school and says her sexy mate would like to get my number!
I'll spare you the next 7 years but to cut a very long story just long, we're still together, she is more beautiful than ever and thanks to her I might be getting a PHD at Oxford university and we've never been happier

In your face miserable emo twats
(Thu 20th Oct 2005, 19:32, More)

» You're a moviestar baby

OK so im in my IT class when the headmaster comes in with a cameraman
I dont goto a private school so i thought "this isnt illegal private school bumboy action being filmed, so whats going on then?"
No it turned out they wanted to do a few shots of the IT room with the headmaster pretending to look interested in what kids were doing on the computers
HOWEVER they didnt want US in the room, no we were too old, greasy and spotty (16) they wanted some fresh faced first years looking fresh faced while the smarmy head looked smarmy.
So feeling a bit rejected and vengefull while they were carting in said first years i opened paint and quickly drew the most horrific thing i could in 30 seconds which included some evil looking faces and badly drawn cocks.
I was then told to make way for some innocent looking 12 year old girl who took my seat...and my computer.
Que photo's being taken, no-one noticing anything out of the ordinary until the photo's get printed....que me looking very smug as the picture's are printed in the local paper and reveal a very scared looking 12 year old sitting staring at a computer screen covered in demonic faces and cocks whilst the headmaster stands in the back looking like a smug twat,HAHA and HA
(core blimey that was a long and wide one, and it went on for ages, fancy a ciggarette?)
(Thu 11th Nov 2004, 18:58, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

Its an actual ghost story! (a rareity for this QOTW)
It was when I lived in a little two storey flat, the layout of which was the bedrooms and livingroom were upstairs. The storage room, bathroom and kitchen were downstairs, with a corridor connecting them leading to the front door.

Now the odd thing was the storage room was always cold, always, now i thought nothing of this because i was young (about 12).

Now one night my mum and a mate of hers get back from a night out having only had about 2 glasses of wine between them. unknown to my mums friend me and my brother were upstairs in bed and the babysiter had buggered off. My mums mate walks past the storage room and asks "why is matthew (thats me) in the storage room?" my mum replies
"he isnt he's in bed" my mums friend (looking increasing pale says
"look ive just seen a little boy in that storage room" my mum says
"both the boys are upstairs in bed go and check if you dont believe me" and sure enough, we were, upon checking the storage room, nothing, it only contained a few boxes.

turns out the storage room was haunted by the ghost of a timid little boy who used to peek his head round doorways when me and my brother were at school. I never saw him (which was just as well) but always felt uneasy in the lower half of the flat.

My mum only told us this after moving out which was just as well because I would have shat myself and never slept again. I've never had any reason to doubt it either seeing as my mum isnt a alcoholic or mental and was kind enough not to share the information with us until moving out, plus another person saw it. and although I am a secular bloke and skeptical I firmly beleive in hauntings provided there is believable evidence for it.
(Sun 23rd Apr 2006, 16:39, More)

» Evidence that you're getting old

The evidence that im getting old is
that with each somatic mitotic cellular division my telomoeres shrink and my genetic material succums to oxidatitive stress, free radical degredation and mutatgenic alterations
(Tue 2nd Nov 2004, 18:44, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

here's one
Q. What noise does a owl make?
A. 'Twit Twoo'
Q. What niose does a canary make?
A. 'Tweet Tweet'
Q. What niose does a black bird make?
A. 'Stick it in my ass Leroy'
(Sat 11th Sep 2004, 14:35, More)