» Near Death Experiences

Queens Day celebration
Over here in Holland, young people find it interesting to travel all the way to our capital to celebrate (= get dead drunk) Queens day, our national day of celebration (comparable to St. Patricks day, everybody gets as drunk as possible).
Being just 17 or 18 years old myself, i decided to join in on the fun and me and a couple of my friends are off to the nations capital for a day of drinking.
Cue to 4 pm. I've lost all my friends and I'm walking through the overcrowded streets and decide to walk in the next bar and have more drinks. Cue to what must have been somewhere around 8 in the evening. I wake up in an abandoned train (!) on a deserted piece of land i have never seen before in my life. I try to open doors and, still stupid drunk, decide it will be a good idea to vacate the train through a window. I crawl through one of those small top windows, lose my balance, smash my head on the railroadtracks and pass out.
Next moment of clarity; i wake up on the railroadtrack, manage to stand up and look straight into the headlights of an oncoming train. I manage to stumble aside, fall over and don't remember anything untill I wake up at the trainstation of the city i then lived near, with a painfull head, a black eye and a bruised arm. I decide to visit my cousin, who lived closeby and when i walk into his house, he mumbles "what the fuck have you done?" Only then I noticed the 10+ inch bloodstain on the back of my white t-shirt.
I never celebrated queens day in the capital again.
(Tue 30th Nov 2004, 22:30, More)

» Lies I told on my CV

Not really a lie
But still.. i lost my boring insurancejob about 8 months ago. The first couple of months i just left it at that, but after some 4 months people at job-interviews start asking why you have been unemployed for "so long" as i am talented enough and my cv looks pretty good.
I then thought of the following trick;
in my free time i work as a bartender at a local heavymetal bar/music venue. I do that 1 or 2 nights a week or so. Being unemployed, i sometimes popped in during the day for a chat and a cup of tea. I then listed in my cv that, from around when i lost my job, i was a fulltimer at the Youth Community Centre, and all of a sudden the work i did there changed from basically just sitting behind the bar drinking free lager to "organising all kinds of activities to keep the local youth of the streets, doing something usefull".
Needless to say that the local youth are my 25-and-older friends who, like me, participate in the joyous activity of drinking lager and listening to heavy metal music.
(Fri 7th Jul 2006, 12:53, More)

» Heckles

Mafia
A couple of years ago i worked for an insurance-company in the west of Holland. One guy from somewhere else on the floor often dropped by at our group to discuss al kinds of different things. Business, football, the weekend, anything.
Now this one day, when we hadn't seen him for almost a week, he all of a sudden dropped by again, dressed in a very fancy and shiny black suit. As he was often dressed in a suit when he was meeting customers, i thought nothing of it and decided to make a joke about it.
"Hi Ramon, nice suit. Did you have a job interview with the Mafia?"
Complete silence all around when he replied
"No, i just came back from my mothers funeral."

Yike.
(Sat 8th Apr 2006, 17:04, More)

» The most cash I've ever carried

20 billion
Yes, it was worth fukc all in real life money. My grandma (god rest her soul) had saved some of those wartime foodstamps and some german currency from the second world war and later gave it to me. There was one banknote worth 20.000.000.000 reichsmark.
During the last months of the war just enough to buy a loaf of bread and maybe a couple of eggs.
(Wed 28th Jun 2006, 13:19, More)

» Mugged

Surprise
I work in a heavymetal bar, and sometimes, to save money on putting bands from abroad in hotels, we take it upon us (as staff) to let the bands stay over at our houses.
This particular night a band from Finland (all very nice lads)had played there, and they were going to stay at a friends (female) house. We drove back from the bar to her house. She was in her own car(small Ford fiesta or something)with a friend who also happened to be her next door neighbour, and the rest of us -4 man band, her boyfriend, me and 2 other people- in a minibus.
As there was only a small parking space directly in front of her house, we decided to park the minibus around the corner, unload all the gear in it, and have some afterparty beers.
While we were unloading the van, i looked around the corner, and saw 2 african guys playing wiseguy to our friend. Now she is only 5.4" so they probably thought they had found an easy target.
The look on their faces quickly changed when they saw 8 longhaired, unshaved and drunk deathmetaltypes walking around the corner carrying big, 2" wide, chrome pipes and approaching them with quite some noise. As they ran away at a speed that would have made Carl Lewis jealous, we laughed our asses off, as -ofcourse- the chrome pipes were the recently dis-assembled drumkit-rack and we were only unloading our van.
We had a great party untill.. well, very early in the morning.
(Thu 15th Jun 2006, 23:27, More)