» Darwin Awards

School daze
Back when I was in forced education, i was sitting in the front of a physics class, must have been just before GCSE's.

We were calmly writing out notes after a practical, teacher at the back of the class chatting to someone in the doorway.

Then in slow motion, the class twat decides it would be brilliant to throw a 2 p coin across the room at full pelt to his best mate.

Now maybe i hadn't had my weetabix in the morning and had bad karma, but fate had decided I was going to be sat in-between C.T and his best mate. Cue hurtling 2p coin across room, me getting it at full pelt in the eyebrow from just over a meter away.

Now I've broken a leg, ribs, an arm, fingers, toes, you name it. But none of them compared to the pain of a 2p coin attempting to lodge itself into your skull.

Of course I leapt up to let the phys teacher know what had just happened, hadn't realised the mess I was making in the process.

As I stumbled over hand over eye I'll never forget the immortal line:

"YOU'RE HEADS BLEEDING!"

at which point the C.T had run over to try and explain the situation and she told him casually before he could blurt it out to take me down to reception.

So I'm stumbling through the school, bleeding on every surface I got within a metre of, with this idiot trying to stop me getting him into trouble for what's just happened.

Cue me feeling rather faint and him having to prop me up on the way to reception saying "SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT" over and over again and panicking.

Cue deputy head meeting us in reception, letting me know that my heads bleeding, i hadn't bloody noticed to be honest, even though I'd had it pointed out to me by the blood, leaving my head rather quickly.

If I could find a little bit of sympathy for the C.T in me, then wasn't the time, as I was a mix of dizzy and extremely pissed off. So the deputy head felt the full wrath of my dobbing in the C.T, and advised i got to hospital.

Free ride to hospital, glued eyebrow together 2 days off school, and a warm fuzzy feeling inside when I found I'd got let off the homework.

Saturday detention for the C.T = 2p. (funnily enough his excuse of "I wasn't aiming for him!" didn't wash)
Running into the physics class the next lesson and pointing at the physics teacher and saying "YOU'RE HEADS NOT BLEEDING!".......priceless.
(Fri 13th Feb 2009, 12:01, More)

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

Well, i had an awesome Nokia N70
and me and the lasyship were messign around with it one night.

Next thing i know,
it's been nicked and every single photo was sent to everyone in the address book.

Thanks.
You cunt*.

*Evil meany lady-genital parts person.
(Sun 20th Aug 2006, 4:25, More)

» Essential Items

not much
phone.
laptop.
my 120 quid gerber multitool

im going to get mugged now.
(Fri 28th Oct 2005, 10:43, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Graffiti or cockup?
you decide!
Was waiting for the no.10 bus in cheltenham, looked at the electronic bus timetable. I was dissapointed to read "This sign is maintained by gloucestershire County Council".

5 minutes passed. I checked the sign for an update. Lo and behold, how could i have not seen it before:


(Tue 8th May 2007, 5:05, More)

» Mugged

It's not fun.
Was riding too meet the (not that we knew it then) 'missus at the local swimmery. The guy* was waiting for victims just past the road crossing so 1 had to slow down. the nice man* asked me if i had a fag lighter, which i declined. the honourable gentleman* proceeded to remove my vehicle from underneath me and rode off and never saw the fellow* again.

Got a hug out of it from the soon to be missus. so not all doom and gloom. And as for the insurance replacement, he can mug me anytime soon.

*(cunt)
(Thu 15th Jun 2006, 16:49, More)