» Pet Peeves

Vernon Kaye
Who are you? Why are you on my TV screen? Where are you from? Where's your appeal?

Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter
I dont care and nobody should. The idea that people actually sit down, watch and enjoy it is a little bit frightening to me

and Ricky Gervais, the Office is just not funny
(Fri 2nd May 2008, 13:26, More)

» Stalked

crazy number
recently I have started gettin late night texts saying non-sensical things these include;

"Sausage Fest! Blaenau Ffestiniog!"

"Piss Flaps Mortimer! That Bacon isn't Mine!"

"Jam has a stinky bum bum, thinks its bath time for his Bum Bum"

and last night, just the words;

"a dirty message"

texting back just ends up with "who's this?"

recently I found out it was a barmaid from the local who aint too great looking and apparently sends them to everyone.

less stalking but right weird
(Fri 1st Feb 2008, 12:05, More)

» Pathological Liars

Saull - Human Extraordinaire
This sad fucker Saull was 40 sumthing and hung round at the local skatepark smoking GoldenV and doin the odd little shit-trick on his 'well good' skateboard or bike he just bought (each costing well into the thousands, all custom, spared no expense)
and he would tell the most fantastic whoppers ever:
- he was a drug lord for 10 years in spain and sat in a hot tub with topless birds, smoking rockie and shooting sheep (wtf?)
- he was a world renown body builder for 10 years, but quit bcuz he got too muscly and it got too easy (despite him being a short skinny goblin)
- was a world renown DJ for 10 years and knew all the major club owners
all in all from the rest of his adventures we chalked his age to 80 years.
once slept with a 16yr old and said "its ok, i told her i was 25" no its not ok.
some of the stuff wasnt even worth saying, like the new gun the army had and he'd got one. was brilliant, 3 barrels for 3 different size bullets, grenade launcher, the works.


was a fun day when we found out he lived in a caravan in his mums back garden
(Tue 4th Dec 2007, 15:16, More)

» Bastard Colleagues

Being an Office Monkey and all....
and being the lowest on the food chain i am filled with deep hatred for everyone else in the company (bout 8 people all together tho)
- the gay slimy solicitor who always says "i thmell thigarettes" after i come in from lunch
- the main boss (Local MP!) who shouts at anything and tries to convince me to vote conservative
- the office manager who likes to hand me photocopying while smiling which just pisses me off
- the tubby secretary who has a go about anything. once opened her car door and about 10 chocolate wrappers fell out. fat cow.


also she once muttered under her breath:
"why do i need a poo so bad?"
grossness
(Thu 24th Jan 2008, 9:51, More)

» Shoplifting

Late night Tesco munchies
a few months back when a group of friends and I had been happy smoking we decide its time to visit the local 24hr Tesco's for food
as we walk around looking at various items and giggling a scraggy haired smack rat takes a bottle of tesco value vodka upto the counter where he is told that it is too late for them to sell booze.
in a blink of the eye said junkie smashes the top off the bottle, spraying glass and vodka all over the till girl, in order remove the security tag and runs hell for leather to the exit where he is knocked down by the greeter but springs up and pelts out of the shop with, now empty, broken glass bottle

im still confused why he needed to remove the tag if he was running out with it anyway
lifes confusing sometimes, but we sure as hell laughed
(Fri 11th Jan 2008, 14:43, More)