Profile for Bleak Outlook:
Hi my name's Norris
and i punch dogs
as a small child i was kept in a broom cupboard and told
i was the offspring of an unholy union between a marmoset and a werber bar-b-q
this pleased me as it explained my freakishly long fingers and my love of all things burnt.
later my life has been a little more spread out,
( i like the word "spread" it normaly comes before "on toast" and who doesnt like toast?)
i used to be scared of small stones but now i worrie about the fact that moths may breed with spiders and create some sorta super bug
these "MOTHDERS" will fly at you in the dark or make giant webs in your cupboards to catch your clothes
FEAR HAS A NEW NAME AND THAT NAME IS MOTHDERS
Things I Like:
i like the noise small kids make when you hit them and they fall down,
(old people make much the same noise ?!?! strange that?).
I like my sock kevin and he likes me.
I like 2/3rds of rice kryspies in a packet, (the rest can go 2 hell).
Bar fights.
Carving novelty animals from root vegetables.
Freaky Circus Sex. Jokes that are in bad taste.
Girls with no Standards, Morals or Self Esteem.
Midgets, (yay for little people they make me feel big).
Really creepy people who follow you about.
Things I Dislike:
Balloon animals, its not a Giraffe its a bent up balloon!
Eating just cos ive run out of beer!
Fat people who arnt jolly, (fat people have to be jolly its the LAW!)
Girls who think to much, (well of course your not gunna wanna sleep with me if you think about it). Hangovers!!!
Kittens that come apart when you kick them.
Materialism and not havin enuff stuff.
Double Standards (i can have them but you cant!)
Shaving.
Small Stones with Sharp Edges.
Snotty Eggs.
To be honest i only came here cos i was told that mondays is chocolate cake and ice cream day.
SOME THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT part 1.......SPAM (the meat product not crappy mail)
residents of Hawaii eat an average of 4 cans of spam per person each year, more then any other place on earth
spam was named by kenneth daigneau - a part time actor!
spam does not freeze and as such has been used by astronauts in space
to beat the dreaded ice wombats from the planet frostie beans
due to ongoing poor relations with bob the ice wombat leader
nasa plans on breeding with their women just for a laugh and to see wot happens (nasa's full of pervy old men.. say no more)
you wont often hear this story
if you plan on ever visiting frostie beans, dont take any spam
its banned there
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
- a member for 18 years, 7 months and 7 days
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Hi my name's Norris
and i punch dogs
as a small child i was kept in a broom cupboard and told
i was the offspring of an unholy union between a marmoset and a werber bar-b-q
this pleased me as it explained my freakishly long fingers and my love of all things burnt.
later my life has been a little more spread out,
( i like the word "spread" it normaly comes before "on toast" and who doesnt like toast?)
i used to be scared of small stones but now i worrie about the fact that moths may breed with spiders and create some sorta super bug
these "MOTHDERS" will fly at you in the dark or make giant webs in your cupboards to catch your clothes
FEAR HAS A NEW NAME AND THAT NAME IS MOTHDERS
Things I Like:
i like the noise small kids make when you hit them and they fall down,
(old people make much the same noise ?!?! strange that?).
I like my sock kevin and he likes me.
I like 2/3rds of rice kryspies in a packet, (the rest can go 2 hell).
Bar fights.
Carving novelty animals from root vegetables.
Freaky Circus Sex. Jokes that are in bad taste.
Girls with no Standards, Morals or Self Esteem.
Midgets, (yay for little people they make me feel big).
Really creepy people who follow you about.
Things I Dislike:
Balloon animals, its not a Giraffe its a bent up balloon!
Eating just cos ive run out of beer!
Fat people who arnt jolly, (fat people have to be jolly its the LAW!)
Girls who think to much, (well of course your not gunna wanna sleep with me if you think about it). Hangovers!!!
Kittens that come apart when you kick them.
Materialism and not havin enuff stuff.
Double Standards (i can have them but you cant!)
Shaving.
Small Stones with Sharp Edges.
Snotty Eggs.
To be honest i only came here cos i was told that mondays is chocolate cake and ice cream day.
SOME THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT part 1.......SPAM (the meat product not crappy mail)
residents of Hawaii eat an average of 4 cans of spam per person each year, more then any other place on earth
spam was named by kenneth daigneau - a part time actor!
spam does not freeze and as such has been used by astronauts in space
to beat the dreaded ice wombats from the planet frostie beans
due to ongoing poor relations with bob the ice wombat leader
nasa plans on breeding with their women just for a laugh and to see wot happens (nasa's full of pervy old men.. say no more)
you wont often hear this story
if you plan on ever visiting frostie beans, dont take any spam
its banned there
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)
Not meths but hey
when i was younger i was part of the odd crowd, not the naughty crowd you understand
but the odd crowd we were always doing things that while not bad as such always used to get get us in grief
anyways its a school geography trip to some castle
and for some reason we all met up and decided to walk to the train station instead of catching the coach from the school gates
theres about 7 of us and armed with more money then usual we club together and purchase stoopid amounts of super kestrel (never doing things by halfs)
anyway me and my mate dennis have been going to the venue (night club in new cross) for about 3 months now and had been getting smashed on snakebite black and southern comforts so a little bit of super kestrel aint gunna faze us
anyway 2 cans each later with train station in sight we are all giggly and not sure how we are gunna pull this off
everybody (kids wise) spots we are all pissed instantly so why the hell the teachers let us get on the train is still a mystery but hey they did
anyway cue being half way there and jamie who has been lookin a tad green lets go with monster alcohol stinking puke that runs down under all the seats next to the heaters
teacher walks up "are you better now?"
jamie "mummph"
teacher "anybody else gunna do something like this?"
dennis from down behind a chair outta site "No sir some of us can handle it better then that tart"
cue laughter
anyway later that day we have now finished remaining cans
we have lunch out in a field with park benches
and theres all these deer about trying to cop a feed
me in my drunken state convinces danny that if you grab a deer by the horns and stare it in the eyes you can sorta communicate with it and it will become your friend
to my surprise he trys just that
most people would let go when an enraged deer starts bucking
but no not danny he holds on for dear life
it still creases me up at the memory of this now
dannys all feet being flung round in the air and he is still holding on..
until nature has her way and he is slung a clear 8ft into the air
he lands heavily and is promptly sick
(Tue 24th Jul 2007, 16:38, More)
Not meths but hey
when i was younger i was part of the odd crowd, not the naughty crowd you understand
but the odd crowd we were always doing things that while not bad as such always used to get get us in grief
anyways its a school geography trip to some castle
and for some reason we all met up and decided to walk to the train station instead of catching the coach from the school gates
theres about 7 of us and armed with more money then usual we club together and purchase stoopid amounts of super kestrel (never doing things by halfs)
anyway me and my mate dennis have been going to the venue (night club in new cross) for about 3 months now and had been getting smashed on snakebite black and southern comforts so a little bit of super kestrel aint gunna faze us
anyway 2 cans each later with train station in sight we are all giggly and not sure how we are gunna pull this off
everybody (kids wise) spots we are all pissed instantly so why the hell the teachers let us get on the train is still a mystery but hey they did
anyway cue being half way there and jamie who has been lookin a tad green lets go with monster alcohol stinking puke that runs down under all the seats next to the heaters
teacher walks up "are you better now?"
jamie "mummph"
teacher "anybody else gunna do something like this?"
dennis from down behind a chair outta site "No sir some of us can handle it better then that tart"
cue laughter
anyway later that day we have now finished remaining cans
we have lunch out in a field with park benches
and theres all these deer about trying to cop a feed
me in my drunken state convinces danny that if you grab a deer by the horns and stare it in the eyes you can sorta communicate with it and it will become your friend
to my surprise he trys just that
most people would let go when an enraged deer starts bucking
but no not danny he holds on for dear life
it still creases me up at the memory of this now
dannys all feet being flung round in the air and he is still holding on..
until nature has her way and he is slung a clear 8ft into the air
he lands heavily and is promptly sick
(Tue 24th Jul 2007, 16:38, More)
» Have you ever seen a dead body?
Smells Pretty Good?
When I was about 17 I got on a YTS placement with the council and my job was mow the grass around graves and the memorial gardens
The job was boring
(some might call it Dead Boring but I wont cos that's silly)
anyway as people do in boring jobs I took every chance to skive off and part of this enabled me to strike up a friendship with the guys that worked the crematorium
one day I was invited into the back room
to have a look at how it worked and
to my joy ( I was 17 and a boy )
they were just about to stick an ex somebody in
It was pretty much automated all the fellah had to choose was oven 1 or oven 2 and in the coffin went
little flames popped up on the lid even before the door closed which was pretty cool
the oven next door had somebody in about half done and you could look through a little window to see how they were coming on
so I had a look and got to see that the coffin had completely gone leaving the almost perfect skeleton on display all be it charred and as you would expect
the head was closest to the window and you could see that the ribs were burning down at different speeds just like what matches look like
bone/black burnt bone/ash
obvious when you think about it but I hadn't and it surprised me
didn't freak me out just surprised me
I have decided that will be the way I go
It seems strangely peaceful and very final
unlike the slow decay in the ground
anyway the heat was great for drying out damp clothes when it rained
but the smell of people being cooked .. well I'm sorry to say made me hungry
that might sound odd but it didn't smell like burnt
it smelt like roast dinner
and I wasn't the only one to think this
* Moral *
working in graveyards makes you learn stuff about yourself its best not knowing.
(Sat 1st Mar 2008, 3:22, More)
Smells Pretty Good?
When I was about 17 I got on a YTS placement with the council and my job was mow the grass around graves and the memorial gardens
The job was boring
(some might call it Dead Boring but I wont cos that's silly)
anyway as people do in boring jobs I took every chance to skive off and part of this enabled me to strike up a friendship with the guys that worked the crematorium
one day I was invited into the back room
to have a look at how it worked and
to my joy ( I was 17 and a boy )
they were just about to stick an ex somebody in
It was pretty much automated all the fellah had to choose was oven 1 or oven 2 and in the coffin went
little flames popped up on the lid even before the door closed which was pretty cool
the oven next door had somebody in about half done and you could look through a little window to see how they were coming on
so I had a look and got to see that the coffin had completely gone leaving the almost perfect skeleton on display all be it charred and as you would expect
the head was closest to the window and you could see that the ribs were burning down at different speeds just like what matches look like
bone/black burnt bone/ash
obvious when you think about it but I hadn't and it surprised me
didn't freak me out just surprised me
I have decided that will be the way I go
It seems strangely peaceful and very final
unlike the slow decay in the ground
anyway the heat was great for drying out damp clothes when it rained
but the smell of people being cooked .. well I'm sorry to say made me hungry
that might sound odd but it didn't smell like burnt
it smelt like roast dinner
and I wasn't the only one to think this
* Moral *
working in graveyards makes you learn stuff about yourself its best not knowing.
(Sat 1st Mar 2008, 3:22, More)
» Family Holidays
Oh My?
I do have some repressed memory's
my dads dodgy not-meant-to-be-camper-van camper van.
being the eldest at the time i had to climb up to the bit above were the driver sits to sleep (this not being a proper place to sleep filled up with condensation) i woke every morning soaking wet it was also made of fibreglass and as i pointed out not made for anything other then storing (? wot ever aint a person) hadnt been finished to any degree of smoothness = horrible itchy rash
my dads boat
not a big boat but could sleep a family of 4 as long as 2 of them were children and didnt mind sleeping up the front in wot amounts to nothing bigger then a double sized coffin i kid you not you had to slide into the "beds" cos there was no way you were ever gunna stand or even sit up (im now very claustrophobic)
my mum and dad split up
enter my mums new fella a very nice bloke most of the time but had a strange habit around family holidays
we would go off + his son who lived with his mum the rest of the time and who was 4 years older (we got on really well to be honest)
to were ever it was that year and have a great time then we would come home and mums fella would turn mental? blame one of us kids his included about something random shout go crazy and leave takin his son with him(to be dropped of at his mothers) and disappear for a couple of weeks leaving me and my brother to unpack in silence as my mum cried.
family holidays yeah i loved em
(Wed 8th Aug 2007, 19:22, More)
Oh My?
I do have some repressed memory's
my dads dodgy not-meant-to-be-camper-van camper van.
being the eldest at the time i had to climb up to the bit above were the driver sits to sleep (this not being a proper place to sleep filled up with condensation) i woke every morning soaking wet it was also made of fibreglass and as i pointed out not made for anything other then storing (? wot ever aint a person) hadnt been finished to any degree of smoothness = horrible itchy rash
my dads boat
not a big boat but could sleep a family of 4 as long as 2 of them were children and didnt mind sleeping up the front in wot amounts to nothing bigger then a double sized coffin i kid you not you had to slide into the "beds" cos there was no way you were ever gunna stand or even sit up (im now very claustrophobic)
my mum and dad split up
enter my mums new fella a very nice bloke most of the time but had a strange habit around family holidays
we would go off + his son who lived with his mum the rest of the time and who was 4 years older (we got on really well to be honest)
to were ever it was that year and have a great time then we would come home and mums fella would turn mental? blame one of us kids his included about something random shout go crazy and leave takin his son with him(to be dropped of at his mothers) and disappear for a couple of weeks leaving me and my brother to unpack in silence as my mum cried.
family holidays yeah i loved em
(Wed 8th Aug 2007, 19:22, More)