Profile for enile_snirkette:
I'm creating an illustrated politically incorrect alphabet at www.better-together.co.uk - please come and make suggestions in the forum.
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- a member for 18 years, 4 months and 24 days
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- has posted 5 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
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I'm creating an illustrated politically incorrect alphabet at www.better-together.co.uk - please come and make suggestions in the forum. Recent front page messages:
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Best answers to questions:
» Shame
Washing my hair
I was staying at a friends' house (post uni, sleeping on the floor) and dropped some acid without telling anyone. After an interesting evening watching the TV (George Romero's 'The Crazies' was on - why not try this combination yourself?) everyone went to bed but I couldn't sleep. I got the impulse to wash my hair and went to the bathroom to apply shampoo. Unfortunately there was no shower, so my friends were woken in the middle of the night by the repeated flushing of the loo, and walked in to find me with my head down the bowl and hand on the lever. It seemed the obvious solution at the time, less so later.
(Wed 30th Nov 2005, 12:27, More)
Washing my hair
I was staying at a friends' house (post uni, sleeping on the floor) and dropped some acid without telling anyone. After an interesting evening watching the TV (George Romero's 'The Crazies' was on - why not try this combination yourself?) everyone went to bed but I couldn't sleep. I got the impulse to wash my hair and went to the bathroom to apply shampoo. Unfortunately there was no shower, so my friends were woken in the middle of the night by the repeated flushing of the loo, and walked in to find me with my head down the bowl and hand on the lever. It seemed the obvious solution at the time, less so later.
(Wed 30th Nov 2005, 12:27, More)
» Crap meals out
TGI Fridays in Reading
It was somebody's birthday. The worst of the food was the 'battered prawns' that were tiny flecks of flesh in soggy batter chunks. A waitress spilled a drink over one of our table and then just wondered off. When the bill came it included drinks we hadn't ordered. When we complained they presented a new bill with some of the disputed drinks removed but a 20% service change added - on a £200 bill. So we didn't pay that or leave a tip, and I've never been back.
The annoying spiel that the waitresses have to recite and their infantile costumes are the icing on the cake.
(Thu 27th Apr 2006, 15:40, More)
TGI Fridays in Reading
It was somebody's birthday. The worst of the food was the 'battered prawns' that were tiny flecks of flesh in soggy batter chunks. A waitress spilled a drink over one of our table and then just wondered off. When the bill came it included drinks we hadn't ordered. When we complained they presented a new bill with some of the disputed drinks removed but a 20% service change added - on a £200 bill. So we didn't pay that or leave a tip, and I've never been back.
The annoying spiel that the waitresses have to recite and their infantile costumes are the icing on the cake.
(Thu 27th Apr 2006, 15:40, More)
» Airport Stories
Nice photo isn't it?
Coming back from Amsterdam, me and my girlfriend rat arsed on a litre of Southern Comfort (on top of the vodka and weed), I passed my passport to the man at the counter. "Nice photo isn't it" I said, as he studied me carefully. He grunted. "Should be" I said, "I paid enough for it!"
Several hours later they let us go.
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 14:42, More)
Nice photo isn't it?
Coming back from Amsterdam, me and my girlfriend rat arsed on a litre of Southern Comfort (on top of the vodka and weed), I passed my passport to the man at the counter. "Nice photo isn't it" I said, as he studied me carefully. He grunted. "Should be" I said, "I paid enough for it!"
Several hours later they let us go.
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 14:42, More)
» Birthdays
Mother, Football, Death
21st April 1997. I'd ridden up from the south on my bike and we went straight to the hospital. My mother was on a bed, which we decorated with blue and white balloons for the next day's match. She came round enough to say 'pretty', then was away again, repeating 'death, death, death'. Over and over, 'death, death, death' . A nurse came and changed a drip, I watched a bubble of air trace the tube into my mother's vein.
The next day was my birthday. At five in the morning my brother woke me: 'she's gone'. We went to the hospital, the body was there, empty. That evening in the pub we cheered til we were hoarse as home side Chesterfield lost the FA cup semi-final replay. It was good while it lasted.
(Fri 9th Dec 2005, 21:13, More)
Mother, Football, Death
21st April 1997. I'd ridden up from the south on my bike and we went straight to the hospital. My mother was on a bed, which we decorated with blue and white balloons for the next day's match. She came round enough to say 'pretty', then was away again, repeating 'death, death, death'. Over and over, 'death, death, death' . A nurse came and changed a drip, I watched a bubble of air trace the tube into my mother's vein.
The next day was my birthday. At five in the morning my brother woke me: 'she's gone'. We went to the hospital, the body was there, empty. That evening in the pub we cheered til we were hoarse as home side Chesterfield lost the FA cup semi-final replay. It was good while it lasted.
(Fri 9th Dec 2005, 21:13, More)
» World's Sickest Joke
Limerick, could be made into a movie?
There was a young lady from Ealing,
Who had a peculiar feeling.
She lay on her back
And opened her crack
And pissed from the floor to the ceiling.
That would be an Ealing comedy then.
(Wed 29th Mar 2006, 9:47, More)
Limerick, could be made into a movie?
There was a young lady from Ealing,
Who had a peculiar feeling.
She lay on her back
And opened her crack
And pissed from the floor to the ceiling.
That would be an Ealing comedy then.
(Wed 29th Mar 2006, 9:47, More)