Profile for godbox:
I'm masquerading as an English student but really I'm at uni for the sex, drugs & rock&roll - or at least to read about them. Sarcasm is one of the many varied services I provide, besides general tomfoolery. Have been known to wit to woo.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
[read all their answers]
- a member for 18 years, 2 months and 23 days
- has posted 1 messages on the main board
- has posted 0 messages on the talk board
- has posted 0 messages on the links board
- has posted 17 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
- They liked 44 pictures, 0 links, 0 talk posts, and 18 qotw answers.
- Ignore this user
- Add this user as a friend
- send me a message
I'm masquerading as an English student but really I'm at uni for the sex, drugs & rock&roll - or at least to read about them. Sarcasm is one of the many varied services I provide, besides general tomfoolery. Have been known to wit to woo.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» World's Sickest Joke
Losing my religion.. (& b3ta cherry! woot!)
CBA to see if its already on here..
A Catholic priest in a small rural town was very fond of his 10 chickens and 1 handsome cock he kept in a hen house behind the rectory. One Saturday night the priest discovered that the rooster was missing.
At the same time the priest heard rumors of cock fights being held in town. Shocked and dismayed, he decided to say something during Mass. During Mass he asked the congregation, "Who among you will confess to
sporting a handsome cock?"
All the men stood up. "No, no," he said. "That's not what I mean. Who among you will confess to having seen a handsome cock?"
All the women stood up.
"Oh, no," he said. "That's not what I mean either. Who among you will confess to having seen a cock that doesn't belong to you?"
Half the women stood up.
"Oh Lord," he said. "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody seen my cock?"
All the choirboys stood up.
& no apologies for length. If the priest didn't, then why should I?!
(Tue 14th Feb 2006, 21:22, More)
Losing my religion.. (& b3ta cherry! woot!)
CBA to see if its already on here..
A Catholic priest in a small rural town was very fond of his 10 chickens and 1 handsome cock he kept in a hen house behind the rectory. One Saturday night the priest discovered that the rooster was missing.
At the same time the priest heard rumors of cock fights being held in town. Shocked and dismayed, he decided to say something during Mass. During Mass he asked the congregation, "Who among you will confess to
sporting a handsome cock?"
All the men stood up. "No, no," he said. "That's not what I mean. Who among you will confess to having seen a handsome cock?"
All the women stood up.
"Oh, no," he said. "That's not what I mean either. Who among you will confess to having seen a cock that doesn't belong to you?"
Half the women stood up.
"Oh Lord," he said. "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody seen my cock?"
All the choirboys stood up.
& no apologies for length. If the priest didn't, then why should I?!
(Tue 14th Feb 2006, 21:22, More)
» Airport Stories
We Do Not Negotiate With Terrorists.
The annual Godbox Family outing rolls around and we find ourselves at the airport.
My dad & grandad are dressed in their best Eastend leather jackets, which do not flatter men of short stature. How they hope to wear these once we arrive in Fuerteventura, one can only speculate. Both look like what they think they are: The Krays. Only I can see the twat factor. They are about as dangerous as a hedgehog in a teacosy. Big talk, & big coats. Big deal. Its futile being embarrassed by men with foghorn voices who talk in a curious mixture of rhyming slang & monty python, so by this point, I embrace it.
Checkout Woman: 'Sir, Your bag is too heavy; You'll have to leave something behind.'
Dadbox to Grandadbox: 'Dammit dad, we'll have to take out the AK-47s..'
Needless to say, 40 mins later, after bag search & close scrutiny by security, dadbox learns the hard way, that the weaponry jokes should be kept for AFTER take-off.
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 23:00, More)
We Do Not Negotiate With Terrorists.
The annual Godbox Family outing rolls around and we find ourselves at the airport.
My dad & grandad are dressed in their best Eastend leather jackets, which do not flatter men of short stature. How they hope to wear these once we arrive in Fuerteventura, one can only speculate. Both look like what they think they are: The Krays. Only I can see the twat factor. They are about as dangerous as a hedgehog in a teacosy. Big talk, & big coats. Big deal. Its futile being embarrassed by men with foghorn voices who talk in a curious mixture of rhyming slang & monty python, so by this point, I embrace it.
Checkout Woman: 'Sir, Your bag is too heavy; You'll have to leave something behind.'
Dadbox to Grandadbox: 'Dammit dad, we'll have to take out the AK-47s..'
Needless to say, 40 mins later, after bag search & close scrutiny by security, dadbox learns the hard way, that the weaponry jokes should be kept for AFTER take-off.
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 23:00, More)
» Dentists
Brace yourself..
My orthodentist loves to inflict his enjoyment of classics tearjerkers on his patients, & I have not escaped unmarred. My personal highlights include him fixing my teeth whilst singing to Christina's Aguilera's 'Beautiful,' his crotch gyrating softly against the back of my head. And they wonder why the Brits have shit teeth.
Length? It nearly gave me concussion.
(Thu 2nd Nov 2006, 18:02, More)
Brace yourself..
My orthodentist loves to inflict his enjoyment of classics tearjerkers on his patients, & I have not escaped unmarred. My personal highlights include him fixing my teeth whilst singing to Christina's Aguilera's 'Beautiful,' his crotch gyrating softly against the back of my head. And they wonder why the Brits have shit teeth.
Length? It nearly gave me concussion.
(Thu 2nd Nov 2006, 18:02, More)
» Dentists
I have no wisdom..
teeth anymore as around a year ago I had to go have the lot out. Not much of a story, except it was probably the most traumatic experience of my life. Woke up with a nosebleed but so doped up, I was pain free.. until a few hours later when they'd shipped me out of there with tablets to free up a bed. Couldn't stop vomiting, a mixture of stitches & blood, & my face looked like I'd gone ten rounds with Tyson - & he'd won by strangulation. Couldn't take the pills, couldnt eat soup, not even baby food..I went around 48 hours without even keeping water down - but such is my fear of needles & drips, I clung to the sink so motherbox wouldn't drag me to A&E.
No punchline, just that my suffering was such that I swear to god, I wish they'd just left me the fuck alone; my teeth weren't even that bad! I'm still not really at the end of it all - they didnt take out the tooth that was stuck in the jaw, so that had a chain on.. came up on the side of my gum, & now I have metalworks in the back left side of my mouth..
I'm refusing to wear the elastics as a protest..
Length? If I ever bed a dentist, I'LL BITE IT OFF!
(Thu 2nd Nov 2006, 22:29, More)
I have no wisdom..
teeth anymore as around a year ago I had to go have the lot out. Not much of a story, except it was probably the most traumatic experience of my life. Woke up with a nosebleed but so doped up, I was pain free.. until a few hours later when they'd shipped me out of there with tablets to free up a bed. Couldn't stop vomiting, a mixture of stitches & blood, & my face looked like I'd gone ten rounds with Tyson - & he'd won by strangulation. Couldn't take the pills, couldnt eat soup, not even baby food..I went around 48 hours without even keeping water down - but such is my fear of needles & drips, I clung to the sink so motherbox wouldn't drag me to A&E.
No punchline, just that my suffering was such that I swear to god, I wish they'd just left me the fuck alone; my teeth weren't even that bad! I'm still not really at the end of it all - they didnt take out the tooth that was stuck in the jaw, so that had a chain on.. came up on the side of my gum, & now I have metalworks in the back left side of my mouth..
I'm refusing to wear the elastics as a protest..
Length? If I ever bed a dentist, I'LL BITE IT OFF!
(Thu 2nd Nov 2006, 22:29, More)
» Not Losing Your Virginity
Punchdrunk with lust..
Ah twas a springtime in the noughties; hanging out at a male aquaintances house with bestie. Get stoned, then get drunk on a pint of finest quality rum. Bestie leaves. Drunkenly sit on manchild's lap. Kissing/fondling ensue. 'Shall we finish this upstairs?' Due to mammoth quantities of sensi & rum consumed, the stud couldn't quite make the cut. We slept [& that was all we did] & with each hour of creeping daylight I became more & more glad I hadn't - one reason being that his girlfriend was in my art class. He avoided me at college & I took the piss with my mates. Twas a mini adventure. The end.
(Sun 29th Oct 2006, 13:02, More)
Punchdrunk with lust..
Ah twas a springtime in the noughties; hanging out at a male aquaintances house with bestie. Get stoned, then get drunk on a pint of finest quality rum. Bestie leaves. Drunkenly sit on manchild's lap. Kissing/fondling ensue. 'Shall we finish this upstairs?' Due to mammoth quantities of sensi & rum consumed, the stud couldn't quite make the cut. We slept [& that was all we did] & with each hour of creeping daylight I became more & more glad I hadn't - one reason being that his girlfriend was in my art class. He avoided me at college & I took the piss with my mates. Twas a mini adventure. The end.
(Sun 29th Oct 2006, 13:02, More)