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» The worst sex I ever had
why a horse?!?!!?
this post will be very dissapointing for many if they go by the title.
anyhoo, i have a mate called james and he is the world's bestest sex pest. he once got back to a lady's house and was shagging her from behind and she fell asleep, i really do wonder how this happened. what does james do? wank's on her face and leaves only to get the guilt, come back, clean her up, put her to bed and leave her a note and draw her a picture of a horse - this is probably the single greatest thing i've ever heard about anyone doing
i love james for that, i dont get it but i do love it (just realized that applies for james drawing the horse and sex)
other stories include him shagging a bird in a club, getting caught by the bounchers and being frog marched out the club hardon standing tall and laughing and screaming all the way, thats right he took it in his stride and saw the funny side of walking through a club with an erection, fucking brilliant.
various 3somes hi fives and all,
him and his mates throwing up on eachothers cocks
accidently knocking a girl out on a bedpost
the list goes on
as for me there is the time i got tied up and bitten to shit, i dont know at what point she thought i enjoyed it but hey, walking out of the shower covered in bruises resembling bite marks is a toughie to explain to your mum, i think i just said it was lad damage as such
that said even though she was a biter, she was pure filth, hurrah
oh yeah and then the girl that dragged me back to my flat just as i came up off a pill to then avoid sex and ask if i had any diseases then decide she's actually a lesbian after practically raping me in the club, yup i turned a straight lass gay, i must be the world's bestest lover man eh
Edit: and then there's the ex who kept on saying how yummy my cock was in a really childish voice, words cant explain how much of a turn off that is. still pisses me off just thinking about it, and her tits were shit and i'm allowed to say that cause i broke up with her because she was nuts not 'cause of the tits, as shit as they were
"massive wanger joke type thing here"
(Sun 17th Jun 2007, 4:35, More)
why a horse?!?!!?
this post will be very dissapointing for many if they go by the title.
anyhoo, i have a mate called james and he is the world's bestest sex pest. he once got back to a lady's house and was shagging her from behind and she fell asleep, i really do wonder how this happened. what does james do? wank's on her face and leaves only to get the guilt, come back, clean her up, put her to bed and leave her a note and draw her a picture of a horse - this is probably the single greatest thing i've ever heard about anyone doing
i love james for that, i dont get it but i do love it (just realized that applies for james drawing the horse and sex)
other stories include him shagging a bird in a club, getting caught by the bounchers and being frog marched out the club hardon standing tall and laughing and screaming all the way, thats right he took it in his stride and saw the funny side of walking through a club with an erection, fucking brilliant.
various 3somes hi fives and all,
him and his mates throwing up on eachothers cocks
accidently knocking a girl out on a bedpost
the list goes on
as for me there is the time i got tied up and bitten to shit, i dont know at what point she thought i enjoyed it but hey, walking out of the shower covered in bruises resembling bite marks is a toughie to explain to your mum, i think i just said it was lad damage as such
that said even though she was a biter, she was pure filth, hurrah
oh yeah and then the girl that dragged me back to my flat just as i came up off a pill to then avoid sex and ask if i had any diseases then decide she's actually a lesbian after practically raping me in the club, yup i turned a straight lass gay, i must be the world's bestest lover man eh
Edit: and then there's the ex who kept on saying how yummy my cock was in a really childish voice, words cant explain how much of a turn off that is. still pisses me off just thinking about it, and her tits were shit and i'm allowed to say that cause i broke up with her because she was nuts not 'cause of the tits, as shit as they were
"massive wanger joke type thing here"
(Sun 17th Jun 2007, 4:35, More)
» Lies I told on my CV
danny_rosh
yes my mate did,
while at a mock job interview at some shitty "lifeskills" thing at school (basically a bunch of people turn up and you get a day off work to be told how to talk about yourself) he had an interview infront of the whole year and teachers etc.
interviewer: do you have any weaknesses?
Jamie: only kryptonite *dead pan*
Interviewer *slightly shook*: any other weaknesses?
Jamie: Just Kryptonite.
genius
and as for lying on my cv, i dont need to 'cause i'm fucking amazing as it is
"massive penis"
vote for this if only for the fact is has massive penis in it
(Tue 11th Jul 2006, 11:17, More)
danny_rosh
yes my mate did,
while at a mock job interview at some shitty "lifeskills" thing at school (basically a bunch of people turn up and you get a day off work to be told how to talk about yourself) he had an interview infront of the whole year and teachers etc.
interviewer: do you have any weaknesses?
Jamie: only kryptonite *dead pan*
Interviewer *slightly shook*: any other weaknesses?
Jamie: Just Kryptonite.
genius
and as for lying on my cv, i dont need to 'cause i'm fucking amazing as it is
"massive penis"
vote for this if only for the fact is has massive penis in it
(Tue 11th Jul 2006, 11:17, More)
» Why should you be fired from your job?
less why i should be fired more why i quit
well there was the "if you're too drunk to come in, dont come in at all" times
the fact that i'm apparently a "fucking idiot" for making sure i did things right
also a "fucking idiot" for checking i'm using the right tools as its obviously "fucking common sense" even though i have had nil training for the job and think its probably a better idea just to make sure so i dont fuck up thousands of pounds worth of steel work
the fact i reeallllyyyyyy want to fight one of the bosses
regularly stinking out the workshop with my farts and shits
and being unable to finish highly laborious tasks in minuscule amounts of time
all this for less than the minimum wage
but on the last week i found out that the boss i hated has his massive bald patch not due to male pattern baldness but because he had that section of hair ripped out when it got caught in the pillar drill, he sat in the staff room holding his head rocking back and forth for an hour holding his head just repeating "my hair" apparently
then theres the time he broke his arm trying to pull a wheelie out of the car park
breaking his ankles jumping off a roof after getting a football
the list goes on. . .
click i like this if you know how good it feels to know that karma works for cuntish bosses
(Mon 13th Aug 2007, 4:55, More)
less why i should be fired more why i quit
well there was the "if you're too drunk to come in, dont come in at all" times
the fact that i'm apparently a "fucking idiot" for making sure i did things right
also a "fucking idiot" for checking i'm using the right tools as its obviously "fucking common sense" even though i have had nil training for the job and think its probably a better idea just to make sure so i dont fuck up thousands of pounds worth of steel work
the fact i reeallllyyyyyy want to fight one of the bosses
regularly stinking out the workshop with my farts and shits
and being unable to finish highly laborious tasks in minuscule amounts of time
all this for less than the minimum wage
but on the last week i found out that the boss i hated has his massive bald patch not due to male pattern baldness but because he had that section of hair ripped out when it got caught in the pillar drill, he sat in the staff room holding his head rocking back and forth for an hour holding his head just repeating "my hair" apparently
then theres the time he broke his arm trying to pull a wheelie out of the car park
breaking his ankles jumping off a roof after getting a football
the list goes on. . .
click i like this if you know how good it feels to know that karma works for cuntish bosses
(Mon 13th Aug 2007, 4:55, More)
» Intense Friendships
"woo first post" etc
by saying this, all you are doing is confirming that you need friends
by friends i mean special needs carers
and by need i mean should hopefully be awarded
anyhoo
as for a special friend
i have jose, hes the guy i work with, we sometimes have a beer after work in the pub
at the moment thats about it
oh yes and in my case "special friend" means "the only excuse for human contact that could be called anything like a friendship"
its not big or clever. . . or a penis
(Sat 29th Jul 2006, 1:05, More)
"woo first post" etc
by saying this, all you are doing is confirming that you need friends
by friends i mean special needs carers
and by need i mean should hopefully be awarded
anyhoo
as for a special friend
i have jose, hes the guy i work with, we sometimes have a beer after work in the pub
at the moment thats about it
oh yes and in my case "special friend" means "the only excuse for human contact that could be called anything like a friendship"
its not big or clever. . . or a penis
(Sat 29th Jul 2006, 1:05, More)