» Lies I told on my CV

Lies on my CV
How about claiming to be in the project team for a large defence civil engineering project in Scotland, only to find out the guy interviewing me was the project manager for said project who only agreed to interview me so he could expose my lie and laugh in my face.

Not my finest hour.
(Fri 7th Jul 2006, 15:15, More)

» Churches, temples and holy places

I don't really spend much time in churches
due to not believing in any of that stuff.

However, the wife to be does and wants us to get married in one. At the recent visits to "show our faces" and see if anyone objects to our marriage, I was told off for saying "Allahu akbar" instead of "Amen", and for apparently "singing hymns in a deliberately silly voice". Just trying to liven things up a bit.

Apologies for lack of funnies, or anything interesting, but as I said I don't really spend much time in churches. Might as well not bothered typing this...
(Thu 1st Sep 2011, 14:57, More)

» Not Losing Your Virginity

I was 15 and going to the cinema with a girl
when we found out that her parents weren't at home when I walked her back we jumped at the chance to "do it".

I had cunningly nicked a condom from my bro's stash, and when the time came, I whipped it out and she moved to put it on.

It was then we realised that it was bright yellow and banana flavoured. Michelle was apparently allergic to bananas so wouldn't let it anywhere near her.

I wish I'd realised then that the flavouring was chemical and probably contained nothing even related to banana. Oh well, I've since been told she's living in a mouldy council house with two kids; narrow escape!
(Fri 27th Oct 2006, 17:15, More)

» Encounters with Royalty

I grew up in Minchinhampton
in Gloucestershire, a shit quaint little village right next to Princess Anne's sprawling estate. I'd often see the lady in question driving around in a huuuuge 4x4. I was driving my E reg Peugeot 309 (old skool!) down a narrow lane when she comes thundering down the other way and comes to a skidding halt just inches from me. She had a passing place about 10m behind her, mine was about 40m, and she was signalling me to back up!

The cheek of the bitch. Anyway, I sat there just glaring at her for about 30 seconds waiting for her to move, which she finally did. When I drove past her she muttered "wanker" so I gave her the bird. Serves her right.
(Wed 9th Aug 2006, 16:09, More)

» Old stuff I still know

I still know Pluto is a planet
So don't go giving me any of your planetoid nonsense, I just shan't listen.
(Fri 1st Jul 2011, 11:20, More)