» Heckles

Lowry theatre last year...
Harry Hill live.

15 minutes into his act, a 3 second silence at the end of one of his tales when some small child (approx 8 years old*) on the front row pipes up

"Are you the man of You've Been Framed?"

Cue audience belly laughter and Mr Hill being unable to retort**

*Not sure what he was doing at the show.
**What kind of retort could you offer to an 8 year old heckler?
(Sat 8th Apr 2006, 8:32, More)

» Bizarre habits

Right turn Clyde.
I work for an FTSE100 company, nothing special there i hear you cry. well our company secretary (seven figure salary type) has an aversion to turning left in his company car (£100k Merc). our two office sites are 1 mile apart, it takes him 5 minutes to go between them in one direction but nearly 40 minutes to go in the other direction.

go figure huh? just shows that even stinking rich directors can be weird just like us minions...

EDIT: apologies for Teh grammar as i'm on my mobile ahe the touch screen is nay good.
(Mon 5th Jul 2010, 23:12, More)

» Mugged

Found out after...
I got mugged once taking a bag of cash to bank at the post office for my boss.

Six (6) blokes jumped me, gave me a good kicking and ran off with the bag.

Police came, bla bla bla, accused me of being in on the theft.

I'm sat there thinking 'what was all the fuss about', It was only a couple of hundred quid in used notes and a few bags of 50p pieces. I was eventually released from police custody and went back to work (still very shaken) to be told by a colleague that the bag had actually contained nigh on 17 Grand!!

I can tell you now, 17 grand does not feel like 17 grand when it's in a black holdall, I genuinely believed my boss whe she told me that it was only a few small bags of cash.

Got followed everywhere by 'undercover' plods for a week.
(Thu 22nd Jun 2006, 9:22, More)

» Essential Items

S.T.W.W
Spectacles
Testicles
Wallet
and
Watch

(I carry these - one by default, three by choice)
(Sat 29th Oct 2005, 9:10, More)

» I was drunk when I bought this

Brand new top of the range Mondeo.
Cost me 20 grand; 7 days old drove to France with wife, broke down (the car, not my wife), ruined holiday.

Felt like driving it through the bloomin (expltives witheld) salesmans front door.

If i'd have been drunk it would have been excuseable, but i was stone cold sober when i signed on the dotted line.
(Wed 15th Jun 2005, 20:32, More)