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» Stupid Dares
The adventures of Little Blue_in_Exile
This story happened in the mid eighties when Blue was a lot littler than he is now. Littler and a lot more daring…
Little Blue was the proud owner of a Raleigh Boxer and regularly went on bike rides all around the housing estate he lived on at the time. Now during the period of this little escapade, a new phase of the estate was being built to cater to an ever increasing housing need. This meant lots of new play areas for a young adventurer to explore: lots of half built houses to hide in, building materials to play with and lots of beer bottles left by the builders to smash. What more could a young scamp ask for.
Well, on the day in question, Blue was riding his bike with a couple of “big boys” and they hatched a plan: they would borrow some bricks and a plank of wood and set up a ramp they could jump their bikes off. Now Blue wasn’t too sure about this, but the big boys said that it would be fun!!
Now little Blue enjoyed having fun, so he agreed… The three little rascals, using ninja skills, crept into the building site and set about assembling their daredevil stunt.
In a matter of minutes, the wood and bricks were found and the ramp was assembled. From Blues eyes the ramp looked 100 metres high and he was a little bit scared. The big boys just laughed and rode off to get their run up. The first big boy went and managed to land with a big grin on his face. The second big boy followed shortly after and did the same.
Little Blue was more than a little worried by this point. His shiny Raleigh Boxer and he had been through a lot and he didn’t want to damage it. He was all but ready to go home for some well earned lunch without jumping the ramp when the words that will forever ring in his mind were shouted: “I dare you!”
Now, never one to back down from a dare, Blue had to do it. He wheeled his bike to the end of the road to give him enough of a run up to clear the jump. Got on his trusty bike and got ready to be the daredevil everyone knew him to be. He pedalled faster and faster, with the wind rushing past his ears. As the ramp got closer and closer a little voice in the back of little Blue’s head started to be heard: “You’re not going to clear it. Stop before it’s too late!” Little Blue tried to ignore the voice and got closer and closer to the ramp. The voice got louder and louder.
The front wheel of the Boxer hit the front of the ramp. But by this time the voice became deafening.
Little Blue being slightly less aware of Newton’s Second Law of Motion and momentum applied his brakes slightly too late. So late in fact that the front wheel of the Boxer was already sitting in mid air. The rapid drop in speed, however, did mean that this wheel headed towards the earth rather more quickly than was intended. The front wheel hit the ground, eventually, causing Little Blue to momentarily become airborne sans bike.
Forever the optimist, Little Blue started praying for a soft landing. However this was not to be: the beer bottles the young rapscallion enjoyed breaking so much came back to haunt him…
A pile of broken glass that had been created on a previous occasion loomed large in Little Blue’s vision. It was getting much more than comfortably close: the word “faceplant” still haunts Blue’s dreams.
As he picked himself up, Little Blue noticed something was amiss: a warm red liquid was pouring out of most of the side of his face that had met the pavement and glass first. This wouldn’t do! Little Blue knew just what to do: howl like a baby and go home to mummy Blue, she’d be able to make it all better.
He picked up his trusty, no longer quite so shiny, bike and started limping towards home. While he was heading home, something missing became apparent: there seemed to be a bit more space in his mouth than barely 30 minutes earlier. This was the last straw; not only was blood pouring out of his head, but he was now missing a tooth that was worth money to a young chap like him. The going rate from the Tooth Fairy was enough to buy loads of goodies and sweeties.
Bawling his eyes out, Little Blue stumbled up to the front door of his house. Mummy Blue heard his cries and rapidly took things in hand. Plenty of warm water, soothing words and the removal of another, very wobbly tooth later, things started to be right with the world again.
The big boys turned up later on, after mummy Blue had cleaned up most of the battle wounds, missing tooth in hand. Hurrah, not a total loss after all: a little more money could be made from the Tooth Fairy thought Little Blue.
A great sense of timing had always been one of Little Blues gifts: the stunt just so happened to be the week before the dreaded class photo. Strangely enough Mummy Blue decided that she didn’t need a copy of that particular year’s classmates. It also happened to be the week before Blue’s first and as it turned out, last catalogue photo shoot for a local shopping chain. A modelling career finished before it ever began.
Afterwards, the Boxer was never the same: a bent set of handlebars meant that steering became a bit more difficult from that day onwards. So Little Blue started saving his pocket money for a mountain bike.
The only plus was the huge amounts of sweets that Little Blue was able to buy with the money from the tooth fairy. Once he was able to chew again…
To this day a small scar can still be seen to remind Little Blue of his daredevil past. And never did he agree to a dare from that day onwards.
I'm going to break with tradition and make no mention of length.
(Fri 2nd Nov 2007, 12:19, More)
The adventures of Little Blue_in_Exile
This story happened in the mid eighties when Blue was a lot littler than he is now. Littler and a lot more daring…
Little Blue was the proud owner of a Raleigh Boxer and regularly went on bike rides all around the housing estate he lived on at the time. Now during the period of this little escapade, a new phase of the estate was being built to cater to an ever increasing housing need. This meant lots of new play areas for a young adventurer to explore: lots of half built houses to hide in, building materials to play with and lots of beer bottles left by the builders to smash. What more could a young scamp ask for.
Well, on the day in question, Blue was riding his bike with a couple of “big boys” and they hatched a plan: they would borrow some bricks and a plank of wood and set up a ramp they could jump their bikes off. Now Blue wasn’t too sure about this, but the big boys said that it would be fun!!
Now little Blue enjoyed having fun, so he agreed… The three little rascals, using ninja skills, crept into the building site and set about assembling their daredevil stunt.
In a matter of minutes, the wood and bricks were found and the ramp was assembled. From Blues eyes the ramp looked 100 metres high and he was a little bit scared. The big boys just laughed and rode off to get their run up. The first big boy went and managed to land with a big grin on his face. The second big boy followed shortly after and did the same.
Little Blue was more than a little worried by this point. His shiny Raleigh Boxer and he had been through a lot and he didn’t want to damage it. He was all but ready to go home for some well earned lunch without jumping the ramp when the words that will forever ring in his mind were shouted: “I dare you!”
Now, never one to back down from a dare, Blue had to do it. He wheeled his bike to the end of the road to give him enough of a run up to clear the jump. Got on his trusty bike and got ready to be the daredevil everyone knew him to be. He pedalled faster and faster, with the wind rushing past his ears. As the ramp got closer and closer a little voice in the back of little Blue’s head started to be heard: “You’re not going to clear it. Stop before it’s too late!” Little Blue tried to ignore the voice and got closer and closer to the ramp. The voice got louder and louder.
The front wheel of the Boxer hit the front of the ramp. But by this time the voice became deafening.
Little Blue being slightly less aware of Newton’s Second Law of Motion and momentum applied his brakes slightly too late. So late in fact that the front wheel of the Boxer was already sitting in mid air. The rapid drop in speed, however, did mean that this wheel headed towards the earth rather more quickly than was intended. The front wheel hit the ground, eventually, causing Little Blue to momentarily become airborne sans bike.
Forever the optimist, Little Blue started praying for a soft landing. However this was not to be: the beer bottles the young rapscallion enjoyed breaking so much came back to haunt him…
A pile of broken glass that had been created on a previous occasion loomed large in Little Blue’s vision. It was getting much more than comfortably close: the word “faceplant” still haunts Blue’s dreams.
As he picked himself up, Little Blue noticed something was amiss: a warm red liquid was pouring out of most of the side of his face that had met the pavement and glass first. This wouldn’t do! Little Blue knew just what to do: howl like a baby and go home to mummy Blue, she’d be able to make it all better.
He picked up his trusty, no longer quite so shiny, bike and started limping towards home. While he was heading home, something missing became apparent: there seemed to be a bit more space in his mouth than barely 30 minutes earlier. This was the last straw; not only was blood pouring out of his head, but he was now missing a tooth that was worth money to a young chap like him. The going rate from the Tooth Fairy was enough to buy loads of goodies and sweeties.
Bawling his eyes out, Little Blue stumbled up to the front door of his house. Mummy Blue heard his cries and rapidly took things in hand. Plenty of warm water, soothing words and the removal of another, very wobbly tooth later, things started to be right with the world again.
The big boys turned up later on, after mummy Blue had cleaned up most of the battle wounds, missing tooth in hand. Hurrah, not a total loss after all: a little more money could be made from the Tooth Fairy thought Little Blue.
A great sense of timing had always been one of Little Blues gifts: the stunt just so happened to be the week before the dreaded class photo. Strangely enough Mummy Blue decided that she didn’t need a copy of that particular year’s classmates. It also happened to be the week before Blue’s first and as it turned out, last catalogue photo shoot for a local shopping chain. A modelling career finished before it ever began.
Afterwards, the Boxer was never the same: a bent set of handlebars meant that steering became a bit more difficult from that day onwards. So Little Blue started saving his pocket money for a mountain bike.
The only plus was the huge amounts of sweets that Little Blue was able to buy with the money from the tooth fairy. Once he was able to chew again…
To this day a small scar can still be seen to remind Little Blue of his daredevil past. And never did he agree to a dare from that day onwards.
I'm going to break with tradition and make no mention of length.
(Fri 2nd Nov 2007, 12:19, More)
» Have you ever seen a dead body?
Mum
Like many people these days my life has been touched by cancer. 9 years ago this week my mother finally succumbed to ovarian cancer after a 2 year battle. We knew it was coming, and as depressing and upsetting as it was watching her wither away before our eyes, we were able to say goodbye and tell her that we loved her before she finally passed away.
I wasn’t there when it happened; I had spent the week before with her at home and decided to go back to work as she seemed to be fairly stable, although highly drugged on morphine. During the first morning back at work, I received “the call” from my Dad. I travelled back to the family home. As my mum had spent the latter stages of her illness at home, she still there whilst the preparations for the funeral were made.
My mother had lost a huge amount of weight in the months before her death, and it was difficult seeing what she had become from the person who had brought me up. It took a lot for me to actually go and say goodbye to her one last time, but I’m glad that I did. I now no longer associate that last image I have of her as the person who was such a huge part of my life, and I do feel that it helped.
On a side note to this, the funeral was a slightly puzzling and even amusing tale. During the priest’s sermon, bearing in mind that I had attended this church with my mother for years while I was growing up and it being a tiny country parish, the priest managed to get my name wrong not once but twice.
I still have the picture in my head, of my dad, sister and me sitting in the front row of the congregation, struggling to hold back tears, as the priest utters the unforgettable words “And at this difficult time our thoughts go out to Mummy Blue’s family, Daddy Blue, Sister Blue and Edmond.” Strangely enough, my name isn’t Edmond; my mother wasn’t that cruel. And as most people in the church knew this, as small uncomfortable ripple went through the congregation. Except from my sister and me, who were by now struggling to hold back the giggles. This would have been fine and we would have managed to keep this under control if he hadn’t repeated the exact same words, barely 3 minutes later. This time my sister and me just looked at each other and laughed out loud. We weren’t the only ones either. I spent the rest of the day being called Edmond by everyone at the wake, or being quizzed on what I thought of my new brother.
So I think that I must thank the priest, who managed to make me laugh on one of the most difficult days of my life. I know that my mum would have found it hilarious too.
Sorry for the length.
(Fri 29th Feb 2008, 11:20, More)
Mum
Like many people these days my life has been touched by cancer. 9 years ago this week my mother finally succumbed to ovarian cancer after a 2 year battle. We knew it was coming, and as depressing and upsetting as it was watching her wither away before our eyes, we were able to say goodbye and tell her that we loved her before she finally passed away.
I wasn’t there when it happened; I had spent the week before with her at home and decided to go back to work as she seemed to be fairly stable, although highly drugged on morphine. During the first morning back at work, I received “the call” from my Dad. I travelled back to the family home. As my mum had spent the latter stages of her illness at home, she still there whilst the preparations for the funeral were made.
My mother had lost a huge amount of weight in the months before her death, and it was difficult seeing what she had become from the person who had brought me up. It took a lot for me to actually go and say goodbye to her one last time, but I’m glad that I did. I now no longer associate that last image I have of her as the person who was such a huge part of my life, and I do feel that it helped.
On a side note to this, the funeral was a slightly puzzling and even amusing tale. During the priest’s sermon, bearing in mind that I had attended this church with my mother for years while I was growing up and it being a tiny country parish, the priest managed to get my name wrong not once but twice.
I still have the picture in my head, of my dad, sister and me sitting in the front row of the congregation, struggling to hold back tears, as the priest utters the unforgettable words “And at this difficult time our thoughts go out to Mummy Blue’s family, Daddy Blue, Sister Blue and Edmond.” Strangely enough, my name isn’t Edmond; my mother wasn’t that cruel. And as most people in the church knew this, as small uncomfortable ripple went through the congregation. Except from my sister and me, who were by now struggling to hold back the giggles. This would have been fine and we would have managed to keep this under control if he hadn’t repeated the exact same words, barely 3 minutes later. This time my sister and me just looked at each other and laughed out loud. We weren’t the only ones either. I spent the rest of the day being called Edmond by everyone at the wake, or being quizzed on what I thought of my new brother.
So I think that I must thank the priest, who managed to make me laugh on one of the most difficult days of my life. I know that my mum would have found it hilarious too.
Sorry for the length.
(Fri 29th Feb 2008, 11:20, More)
» We have to talk
"there's no 'i' in 'team"
There might not be no "i" in team, but I was going to say that there is ME in masturbation, but my spell check corrected me. However there is a U.
(Wed 25th Apr 2007, 1:04, More)
"there's no 'i' in 'team"
There might not be no "i" in team, but I was going to say that there is ME in masturbation, but my spell check corrected me. However there is a U.
(Wed 25th Apr 2007, 1:04, More)
» Road Rage
Bloody JCBs
Driving up the bypass today, got stuck behind a JCB driving at 10 miles per hour. Wouldn't have got too angry as I know that they can't go too fast, but there was a young person sitting on the toolbox just next to the driver. Couldn't have been more than 5 or 6. Out of school on a school day. Makes me so angry the irresponsibility of some parents, letting their kids miss out on vital education.
(Wed 18th Oct 2006, 22:54, More)
Bloody JCBs
Driving up the bypass today, got stuck behind a JCB driving at 10 miles per hour. Wouldn't have got too angry as I know that they can't go too fast, but there was a young person sitting on the toolbox just next to the driver. Couldn't have been more than 5 or 6. Out of school on a school day. Makes me so angry the irresponsibility of some parents, letting their kids miss out on vital education.
(Wed 18th Oct 2006, 22:54, More)