» Sacked

Lloyds TSB
A few years back, I worked in the Eastcheap banch of Lloyds TSB, as an web admin monkey, updating their graduate recruitment site.

This was around the time of the foot & mouth crisis, and, whilst bored, i changed the Horse logo to a cow, and the name to Lloyds BSE, on the screensaver graphic file i had access to - just a bit of dumb photoshopping.

I didnt realise that, since I was updating the site, I had full access to the London network, and the core directories for all the city branches. The next morning, everyones machines, including front line branch machines, was displaying my 'edited' version.

I was given an *instant* dismissal. My bank account was cancelled and refunded to me, I was walked out of the building by security at 11am. Although it's not enforced - I signed a form stating that I was legally not to enter a branch of Lloyds TSB again.

As I left the building, not a single person smiled, they all looked at me like I'd just killed a puppy. Fucking humourless cunts.
(Fri 24th Feb 2006, 10:46, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

ouija board as a young teenager, at some stupid party
question: can we talk to sid vicious?

answer: NO

question: why not?

answer: BECAUSE HES DEAD
(Fri 21st Apr 2006, 10:28, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

on a wall, somewhere
"Fuck You"

and then, just underneath it:

"YES. YOU."
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 18:17, More)

» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!

so many stories
i spent a lot of years working in bars/restuarants/hotels and have seen countless disgusting things done to peoples food/drinks, encountered many forms of violence (especially in scotland), known all manner of penny pinching, met a wide variety of cunts/psychos/imbeciles/arseholes...

but the absolute pinnacle was, when working in a live-in hotel-restuarant in the derbyshire peaks - a total hole, half the staff were junkies, incestious and semi-retarded. the manager was like a frightened rabbit - the place was run by devious, thieving kitchen staff.

i remember one particularly mouthy slapper waitress, who was screwing the head chef (and a number of other people on the side) had an ability to make even the nicest customer be rude to her. she just attraced drama. you all know the type, i'm sure.

anyways, shed managed to get quite upset by a couple of customers one time, and went in flailing her limbs and screaming to her boyfriend in the kitchen. he proceeded to take a blow-torch (they type used for caramellising sugar on the top of creme brulees) and heat one side of the a plate til it was shimmering hot.

she then took the plate to the customer, leaving the hot edge slightly off the edge of the table so it would need pushing in, and commenting 'mind the plate its a little hot'

cue customer trying to push it onto the table - its an automatic reaction - and the thing being SO FUCKING HOT her fingers stuck to it. she screams, it takes the skin off her fingertips, the plate flicks off the table and smashes, the customer, poor woman, is in tears - her fingers bleeding at the ends - the manager is running over with a first aid kit, everyone in the restuarant staring. and the waitress is just standing their grinning like a smug fucking bond villian.

i quit shortly afterwards.
(Mon 24th Jul 2006, 10:47, More)

» Rock and Roll Stories

on tour in germany in 2002
our Dresden gig was in a building complex that had been used by the Nazi's as an olympic traning centre, and then the Russians, as a base of military operations.

After the gig, we were all crashing out in a room upstairs, the promoters bid us goodnight, and informed us 'This is the room Hitler used to stay in'
(Wed 5th Jul 2006, 12:19, More)