» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

Not to me (Thank God) but I was there to witness it.
Many years ago I went to a friend of a friends party in a first-floor flat in Whitechapel. When the party fizzled out in the small hours I was one of about ten people who crashed on various floors and when we got up next morning we found someone snoring loudly behind the locked loo door.
Now you dont need me to tell you that this is the last thing you need the morning after a skinfull and no amount of hammering on the door could wake whoever was inside. Eventually, in desperation, the bloke whose party it was borrowed a ladder from a neighbour and set about climbing into the loo through the open window. The rest of us stood outside the locked door, hopping anxiously from foot to foot or with knees clamped together (Depending on gender)and listened as the window creaked open wide enough for him to get through, the clonk and rattle of him moving aside all the usual things that live on bathroom windowsills, the grunt as he dragged himself in and . . .
"Oh God! You disgusting bastard!"
It turned out that the idiot inside had gone for a dump and been so pissed he'd fallen off the loo in mid crap. In the process he'd left a big smear of shit across the wall and for some reason had ripped up a carpet tile to try and wipe it off. Only he'd got shit on the carpet, too, so only succeeded in spreading even more of it over a wider and wider area.
He'd ended up getting it on all four walls, the back of the door the ceiling, even, and all over himself -even in his hair! He had then fallen asleep in the middle of it.
The neighbour who'd loaned the ladder generously let us borrow their loo and then we went off to the pub for well deserved hairs of the dog, having locked the still sleeping idiot back in the loo with a hot bucket of soapy water and a note telling him we werent going let him out until he'd cleaned up the mess he'd made.
(Tue 2nd Jan 2007, 18:45, More)