» The Credit Crunch

Interesting times
Living in a semi bankrupt country (Iceland) - Check

Lost my job - Check

Stomach ulcer - Check

This all happening in the most depressing time of year - Check

Thinking you might have to eat your cat to survive - Check

The good news?
I have two cats
(Tue 27th Jan 2009, 22:41, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Granny?
2 years ago I printed out this picture, put it in a frame and placed it on a wall where a picture of my late grandmother used to be.

It took my family 2 weeks to notice it.
(Wed 23rd Sep 2009, 15:44, More)

» Cougars and Sugar Daddies

Statutory rape and semi prostitution
So, this story takes place in 1996, when I was almost 17. I lived with my mum and sister in a terraced house. Next to ours was a 36 year old divorcee and her demon spawn child (cut up the tires of my mum´s car he did!).

It was a saturday night, and I had just come home from a night out, completely wasted, staggered out of the taxi and promptly fell down into the snow. When I look up I see my neighbour standing in her doorway laughing at my graceful exit from the cab. I shake the snow from my clothes and out my nose in the manliest of fashions and it seemed to impress her because she asked me to come inside.

Once inside I see she has company: A guy she´d apparently been screwing for a while and her mother! So I sit down and have a glass of wine with them. At one point I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and somehow forgot to lock because in midpee my neighbour walks in and says quite frankly that she´s randy and wants me to take care of that.

I review the situation in my head:
I´m a 17yr old virgin, basically an erection with a central nervous system.
She´s drunk and obviously desperate and crazy - which suits me fine.
She may not be the prettiest woman alive, but neither the ugliest.

So basically, despite her esteemed guests, we go to her bedroom and make monkey noises for two whole minutes, because that´s just how awesome I was.

Now things started to get a bit weird (normality as a whole took a day off that evening). As I am putting my clothes on she asks: "how much?"
And before I manage to come up with a Bond-esque retort she goes into her dresser, grabs a handful of jewelery and puts it in my pocket, telling me that should be enough for my crack habit.
This prompted me to make a quick exit (without the jewelery, of course), and as I open the door I am greeted with her aforementioned guests, her mum telling me that it´s "time for me to leave". And I did.

Probably scarred me and that poor woman for a while after, but makes a great "losing virginity" story.
(Sun 7th Dec 2008, 20:31, More)

» Darwin Awards

One quiet winter evening...
So me and the missus were staying in watching TV, I believe CSI:Miami was on (it's so bad, the TV smelled of smegma afterwards). As I was about to fall asleep, as you do when something as riveting as CSI is on, We heard this loud explosion.

We lived just a stones throw away from a domestic airport at the time (literally, a stones throw - no alarms needed at that household) so we assumed the worst.

As I looked outside I noticed a car on fire and two teenage boys rolling on the ground trying to put themselves out. I called the emergency services and ran out with wet blankets, as the rain had put the fire in the car out. The boys were not badly burnt, shaken and afraid for sure, but they'd live with a few scars.

So the ambulance came and went.

The next day I read in the news that those tossers had been sniffing gas inside their car. And after that Nobel deserving escapade, they decided to have a fag...in a closed car...after sniffing propane...

Needless to say, I kinda regretted helping them (Harsh, I know) and I hope that through the magic of combined stupidity and facial scars that they will never procreate!
(Sun 15th Feb 2009, 15:22, More)

» Darwin Awards

Skinheads vs. the drunk guy
It was in '02 and my one year stint of living in London was coming to a close so me and my mate decided to go out on a friday night and get plastered. Since we just got payed, we thought Soho was a great idea (It's not).

We went to this bar that I cannot remember, drunk a lot of beer and other beverages, had a good time and left the bar in a great mood. In fact my mood was so blissfully awesome and philanthropical (is that even a word?) that when I see 2 guys shoving each other on the street I stepped in between them and proclaimed:

"Awww, come on guys, you gain nothing out of fighting.."

And that's the last thing I remembered.

Things I should have noticed before going all Ghandi on them:
a. Steel-toed army boots
b. shaved heads
c. swastika tattoos on said heads
d. general look of social hatred in their beady eyes

I woke up the next morning and my face was stuck to my pillow due to dried blood and pus pouring out of my black,swollen eyes. Apparently one of them headbutted me resulting in my dropping like a sack of peace loving potatoes, at which time they both started kicking my head, stomach, back, legs...just about everywhere I was exposed.

Stupid of me, yes. But lest we forget: I did break up their fight.
(Mon 16th Feb 2009, 11:42, More)