» Utterly Drunk

My Whisky Story
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife that I had a drinking problem, and to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.

I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.

I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.

I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.
(Sat 16th Feb 2013, 20:02, More)

» Expensive Weekends

I'm a geek/nerd....
but I've always tried to keep away from the stuff that goes with it, fall into a sun hating, roleplaying, goblin killing, computer whizz. When I've had friends come around for video gaming sessions, hid my huge RPG collection and replace it with all the crappy sports ones, shooters, and racing games. Which I don't really enjoy, but I did just so I didn't get laughed at.

Anyway, about this time last year. My neighbours (even tho they have "Blinged up" cars, and wear chav gear, they ain't too bad...in small doses) invited me around for a birthday party later on that day. Now, parties aren't my thing either, I'd rather be playing Monster Hunter Freedom 2 at that point in time, but I agree to go.

Later on, while relaxing in their house, sipping my glass of whisky (I swear I'm not normal). The wife of my neighbour gets a load of board games out, Jenga, Cluedo, crap like that...and what's on the bottom but D&D. Everyone starts laughing cos those neighbours don't seem like that. But they protest that it's alright, so for a laugh we decided to play it….there was clashes of steel, flashes of lightning, roars of delight, some thief steal loads of money (was the neighbours, it was me!!), we now play once a week.

And since then I've brought as much as I can on all the gear that goes with it (£7/8 for 6/7minitures), books that cost into near £50 and Dice! Lots of dice!...d4's, d6's, d8's, d10's, d12's, d20's and percentage dice. There are Boards, tiles and Maps to buy. Even Trees! I've spend more money on that then I have on my PS3 console. And just now, I've spent £110 on four mini's, two books and some tiles....

Still, t’is a ....*rolls 1d6+1D20, adds up, checks book*....a bloody, brilliant game.

Kiss me, I’m geeky.
(Mon 17th May 2010, 17:46, More)

» Good Advice

My grandad's bit of advice was to always "Fight fire with fire"...
which is probably why he got kicked out of the fire brigade.
(Thu 20th May 2010, 23:23, More)

» Killed to DEATH

Back when I used to be able to have cool ring tones on my phone.
*waves lines*....
It was one of those hot summers day, and I was relaxing with a pleasant game of Final Fantasy X. Sipping on Cola. When suddenly there was a buzzing noise near my ear. I struck out at it, thinking it was a fly. I hit it towards the window, only then did I looked to see a giant wasp, sitting dazed on the windowsill. (Me striking it, caused it to fly hard into the window, and stun the beast) I grabbed a book, and quickly squashed it flat. As I lifted the book away, I received a text. My text tone... was the Victory Fanfare from winning fights from said Final Fantasy game.....I felt awesome. I dunno how much experience and gold I got from it. :(
(Fri 23rd Dec 2011, 23:47, More)

» Protest!

I don't have a protest story, so...
...in protest to this weeks QotW. I'm just gonna list comedians who I don't find funny and reasons why....

Russell Brand. Just find him a twat and he has an annoying voice. Don't see what Katy sees in him.

Jimmy Carr. And again, just find him a twat.

Alan Carr and Justin Lee Collins. JLC is okay sometimes, but both of them together just makes me want to hurl sick everywhere....mostly into their eyes, and then drown them in my sick.

Anyway, Enjoy the rest of your evening. :D
(Tue 16th Nov 2010, 18:35, More)