» I witnessed a crime

Vigilante Santas!
On Christmas Eve about two years ago, me and five mates decided to dress up as Santa and do a pub crawl round the town, and after a couple of hours drinking we were on our way through the town and noticed an rather large group of people gathered outside Boots, so we wandered over like the Santa mafia and had a mooch and there was some crackhead goin nuts at one of the boots staff (a lovely young lady called Sophie as we later found out) and those guy was totally jacked up and REALLY going postal at this poor lass, the crowd of people had gathered to watch! standing at the door watching this twat yelling and (trying) to hit this poor girl! we couldnt believe it! so we pushed our way through and entered the shop and dragged this prick out by his arms and legs and dumped him on the floor outside the shop, to this day i still chuckle about it, this guy is out of his face on drugs and he gets thrown (literally) out of a shop and when he looks up he spots a load of Santas telling him to fuck off and not to come back (or he'd get a piece of coal that year) he got up and ran off round the back of the shop straight into the arms of a copper who had been called previously and was promptly arrested.

Spot on!
(Thu 14th Feb 2008, 12:57, More)

» Karma

Instant Karma, just add idiot
This only happened last weekend, I went down to MotorWorld with my brother as he was looking to buy a car stereo with all the bells and whistles.

He found one, that had bluetooth on it and in his infinite wisdom decided to scrap CD's and continue playing his awful R 'n' B from his phone, through his huge boom box via bluetooth.

Now, the thing with my brother is he is a bit* of a slag, i mean he usually has 3-4 girls in his company, and he'll sleep with one until she gets boring and then move on to the next and then repeat the whole process and the poor naive young girls have no idea what hes up to!

well one of the cooler features of his stereo is the option to put a call through your speakers via bluetooth and my brother was giving one of his girls a 125 point inspection when his phone rings and is automatically put through to the stereo! (your supposed to accept the call but somehow it happened automatically, i suspect this was karma playing its part)

and who is on the other end? one of the other girlfriends, and when his current girlfriend heres the call coming through the sub she starts yelling and demanding who it is etc..etc, but of course the girl who had phoned him can now hear this girl who is in the car and she starts yelling and demanding and then she hangs up and the girl in the car gets out...without her knickers she had left them in the passenger footwell and stormed out,

unfazed my brother puts said knickers in the glove compartment of the car and drives around to another of his girlfriends houses to sate his sexual frustration. She gets in the car and asks if she can put a CD on he agrees and she opens the glove compartment to get a CD.....

you couldn't make this kind of crap up.

*Bit, is a little bit of an understatement on a par with saying Hitler was a bit disturbed
(Fri 22nd Feb 2008, 12:45, More)

» Guilty Pleasures, part 2

Farting at work
but not your average *pfft* and wander off,

mine are evil and have been known on occasion to clear entire offices. Well theres a couple of people at work i really dont like, and they always leave their big woolen cardigans hanging on the back of their chairs when they go home and as i'm the first one in the office everyday i make a point of pushing my arse as far into the neckline of said cardigans as possible and squeezing out the foulest guff i can muster and then carefully replacing the chairs before diffusion kicks in and removes my hard work then all i have to do is sit and wait :D

one of them came into work recently and the first thing she said was that she could smell the egg mayonnaise sandwiches she had bought for lunch! i couldn't help but laugh maniacally and told her someone sent me a funny email.


Length? well i dropped one on the way into the office at 8am one morning and at 11:30 my colleagues were checking the bins for the food that had gone off.
(Thu 13th Mar 2008, 12:57, More)

» How nerdy are you?

Probably not as geeky/nerdy as this is gonna get
But i purposely wait for technology to become cheaper so i can 'play' with it i browsed ebay and bought an old Orange SPV E200 knowing that because it runs in windows mobile there had to be lots of different ways to hack/modify it and i got one for about £12 i then went about installing theme generators, GPS tracking software that changes the phones profile depending on where i am in the world, registry editors etc etc.

and in later last year i bought an original xbox with a couple of games/controllers and a memory card for £18 (inc. P+P) totally unfazed about the fact that it had been out for years and surpassed by the 360 and Elite, but they are still too expensive to modify and risk breaking,

so i got hold of a copy of the hacked action replay software and hacked installed a hacked driver to my USB flash drive to make the computer and the AR software think i had plugged an official Xbox action replay memory card into it and it would then allow me to drop game saves onto it, BUT the xbox wouldn't pick it up as a memory card so before doing this i had to bodge an old xbox controller and a usb extension lead together to get the flash drive connected to the xbox it then formats the card into the FATX format (xbox own memory format).

so that done i was then able to use a copy of the original splinter cell and a hacked game save (after learning that part of the SC saves used a part of the Linux code) to install a "softmod" exploit onto the xbox to play "backed up" games without having to solder a mod chip onto the main board as well as changing the green Micro$oft dashboard to some funky custom ones and THEN despite having a load of "backed up games" from a mate i needed something a bit more retro.. so after using a "hotswap" method to install a new 180GB hard disk into the now modified xbox i then made a CAT5 crossover cable to ftp the xbox to the PC and vice versa and used this to install emulators for Genesis, Mega Drive, Master Sysetem, and SNES followed by all the ROMS i could find for the respective consoles :)

and no doubt in a few years when we are playing video games using augmented reality i will be looking at the ancient xbox 360 to play PS1 ROMS :)

/coat
(Thu 6th Mar 2008, 10:59, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

I saw my dead best friend
Last year he was killed in a motorcycle accident in Shropshire coming home after the Swancote biker meet.

I went to see him at the chapel of rest and put my hand on his as i said goodbye, it was cold (as expected) but not a "normal" kind of cold, it literally was a deathly cold and it was the single most awful experience of my life and something i dont wish to repeat anytime soon, he looked peaceful though despite the horrific accident and lingering death he had to endure.

Myself, along with two other friends and his brother were the pallbearers at his funeral.

i'll never forget it, and i'll never forget him.

He was only 19.
(Thu 28th Feb 2008, 12:51, More)