» Cringe!

Ow, another one's come back...
Lying in bed with my girlfriend, it became apparent that I was a geeky bastard when she was lying too far up the bed and I asked her to "scroll down"...
(Thu 27th Nov 2008, 22:37, More)

» Evil Pranks

Poor computing teachers
Looks like they get a lot of flak. They deserve it though, they're all useless. One of ours was a P.E. teacher before the summer. Came back after the holidays, and he'd learnt all he needed to know to teach us computing apparently.

He wasn't much shittier than the "real" computing teachers though.

Yeah, but pranks.

We, being geeky shits, were considerably better on the BBC Bs than he.

We once wrote some nice code that emulated the os prompt on the BBCs. AND, no matter what you typed, no matter what keys you actually pressed, it typed, character by character, our predefined message. There was also a peek or a poke or whatever to make it stay in ram and re-initialise if the reset keys were pressed, and it disabled the break key...

So we shout the teacher over. "sir, my keyboard's not working."

He comes over and starts "typing" randomly to see if the keyboard responds...

"I am homosexual" comes up on the screen.

he hits break, hits some more keys.

"gay gay gay gay gay"

he resets the machine.

"i love hairy naked men"

Childish as fuck, but my god we pissed ourselves. We were only 14 or so.

To be honest though, I think I'd still laugh about it today.
(Sun 16th Dec 2007, 15:38, More)

» Cringe!

Another...
I've got tons of these stories. I'm a horrible cunt, it seems.

I was 4 or 5, around that age, and it was some christmas do at my dad's work or something.

I'd been carrying on, play fighting with a guy he worked with, but he had to go up on stage and give a speech.

Halfway through the speech he had an epileptic fit, and collapsed to the ground, convulsing and all that. You know the dance.

I, however, thought he was still carrying on with me, so i climbed up on stage and started jumping up and down on this poor guy having a fit. On stage. In front of hundreds of people.

Sorry mum. (My dad's a dick so he doesn't get an apology.)
(Fri 28th Nov 2008, 1:45, More)

» Pointless Experiments

9v battery absolute stupidity
You put a 9v battery to your tongue. It tingles in a pretty funky way.

I found out when I was about 7 that it's a terrible idea to touch the contacts to your eye.

You will, unsurprisingly, go blind in that eye.

I was SO relieved to wake up the next day and be able to see.

Another stupid thing I did was when I had a really itchy ear. Inside, too far in to scratch with your finger. So you use the nearest small thing don't you? I used an LED.

I lost it, and it stayed in there for literally years, until one day it just fell out. Not sure what caused it to fall out, but I'd forgotten all about it. You can imagine my confusion for a bit, until i remembered...

I also did an experiment to see what kind of food produces the best mould. Boiled potatoes are pretty impressive. A little tea in the bottom of a cup take a while but will eventually turn into a little green disc of mould.
(Sat 26th Jul 2008, 5:04, More)

» Being told off as an adult

It's not really fraud is it?
I was told off when applying for a library card a few years ago.

There was a box for putting in your title and stuff, and I quite fancied a library card with "Count Weegie Geek" on it.

Old library hag didn't find it amusing in the slightest. She didn't even ask me to prove it. I could be a fucking count.
(Fri 21st Sep 2007, 3:30, More)