» My most gullible moment

Level Crossing Cameras
Not me but a colleague...

Many years ago at a place I worked there was a very extrovert, gay and annoying French guy. He was really boastful about pretty much everything 'I've done X amount of bum, almost died X amount of times, spent X amount of money on drugs'

Really irritating.

He made the mistake of bragging about jumping the red light at the local railway crossing, just as the barriers came down! What a dangerous kinda guy he was! (sarcasm) Wow, I was so impressed. (/sarcasm)

Anyway, while he was on holiday the next week, no doubt picking up a few of the ladyboys he was always bragging about, I fabricated a letter from "British Railways Police" (non existent) which, as he drove a company car, was put in his post tray.

It went along the lines of the fact that due to the large number of motorists jumping lights at level crossings, cameras had now been put on the crossings and he had been caught (this was in the days before speed cameras). It told him he had to appear at Wokingham Crown Court (non existent) on a certain date (which happened to be when he was on holiday). I quoted all kinds of made up Traffic Acts and punishments. Including:

'Failing to give way to a Railway Locomotive' and
'Bragging about dangerous exploits to work colleagues'
(It was sooo obviously made up)

Then I did another letter dated the day after he didn't turn up in court, saying that he was now arrestable on sight.

Ha! Panic ensued when he returned to the office and read the letters. He ran around the office in his usual flamboyant style screaming and jabbering, almost in tears. He then tried to phone the number I'd fabricated on the letterhead, which also didn't exist.

I of course was quietly pissing myself in the corner. I had to tell him soon after as he was about to go up to the MD to tell him he'd been a bad boy.

Should I have done?

Click *I like this* and I might bore you all with the time I did a similar thing to an 'advanced driver' who made the mistake of telling me about a road rage incident he had when he should have known better.
(Tue 26th Aug 2008, 15:48, More)

» Spoilt Brats

Me! (me me me me me me me)
I used to be a right spoiled brat when I was a kid. I wasn't spoiled in that my parents spent loads of money on me, as times was hard in the Strangechap household.

No, my parents 'spoiled me with love'.

Now don't get me wrong, they were great parents, and still are, but I grew up to be a right whiney little shit. I had no confidence or guts to do anything myself. I didn't like playing with other kids, as they were too rough, I would never do anything on my own. My dad would always come in to the playground with me as I was too scared to go without him.

I would only drink milk when we were out, so if we went to a pub for lunch (rare occurrence, and only when on holiday) I wouldn't drink coke, I had to have milk. (try getting milk in a pub FFS!)

My mum did everything for me. Cooked, cleaned, did my washing. I never had to do any chores. And I repaid her my being a messy little shit and taking her for granted.

When my little brother arrived, I used to bully him no end as I was 5 years older. It's easy to bully a toddler when you are so much bigger. I feel really bad now that I used to treat him like that. (Especially as he's now bigger than me and quite hard due to all the abuse I gave him when he was a kid.) We get on now, most of the time.

So in all, I was an odious little wanker when I was a kid. I'm not proud of that, but that's just the way it was.

When I was about 10, J moved into my street. I come from a middle class area in the south of england, and J and his family didn't fit with the stereotypical middle class family I was used to.

J was black, streetwise, hard and a real character. He was the total opposite to me, the spoiled little white boy. His family had moved from one of the shittier parts of the local town into the suburbs and were the only black family around.

On the day he moved in, he rode down our road on his bike, introduced himself and we just clicked. From that day on we were inseparable. We were true best friends. We were good for each other. He taught me how to skateboard, fight, talk to girls, show off, have a laugh. I learned what racism was, how things weren't as easy for him sometimes as they were for me, simply because he was a different colour. I kept him on the straight and narrow, as he tended to go the "wrong way" every so often. We were a perfect foil for each other.

I stopped being a shy, spoiled little kid and grew up. All thanks to J.

We went our separate ways when we were about 19-20. He got into drugs and went a bit funny and we got in a fight. We didn't see each other for about 15 years. Then, somehow this year, we got back in contact and are now good mates again. He's sorted himself out and has a family and so have I. We don't raise hell like we used to, but I've realised out of all the people I know. He's the best friend I've ever had, or will have.

I'm not spoiled anymore. Although I do have the occasional tantrum. And I suppose it shows that a spoiled kid doesn't have to be a spoiled adult too.

Apologies for length, but I wanted it to be that long. And what I want, I get. (stamps feet).
(Fri 10th Oct 2008, 9:25, More)

» My sex misconceptions

My brother thought his cock was for hanging clothes on.
I know this because on a caravanning holiday when he was 5 or so, I remember him appear in front of me and my parents proudly sporting an erection on which he had hung his t-shirt.
(Fri 26th Sep 2008, 12:05, More)

» Cringe!

Calling your teacher at school...
Mum. By mistake. Oh the shame.
(Thu 27th Nov 2008, 23:15, More)

» Darwin Awards

I keep having near death experiences...
There was the time I was running along the road and I ran into a cliff, cleverly painted as a tunnel...

Then, one time I ran off a cliff without realising and made a huge crater when I hit the floor...

I've also almost killed myself with explosives, various ACME devices...

I've also had several anvils and rocks fall on me from a great height.

How I've survived, I don't know. The worst thing is, I'm still hungry.

Signed,
Wile E. Coyote.
(Tue 17th Feb 2009, 11:12, More)