b3ta.com user misshotlips
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» Vandalism

Whodunnit!??
Not exactly vandalism but...a few years ago in Manchester there were some really strong gale force winds that managed to knock down trees, buildings and (strangely enough)... a small Chinese woman. Large parts of our roof came loose as well and at the time I was living in an old Victorian house with about 6 other people, the landlady got into a complete panic that one of the tiles might come loose and clonk one of us on the head whilst walking up the drive, so until she could get the builders round she borrowed some "crime scene" tape from one of her friends on the force in an attempt to stop unsuspecting visitors from walking up the drive and meeting an untimely death. Strange enough in itself, but the cherry on the cake was walking out of the house one morning on my way to work to find someone had drawn this…

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I love Manchester for so many reasons but the biggest and bestest part of it for me is the people and the brilliant sense of humor; I never wanted the rain to wash that off!
(Fri 8th Oct 2010, 10:58, More)

» Guilty Laughs

If you laugh you´re a bad person, apparently...
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(Mon 26th Jul 2010, 17:49, More)

» Dad stories

Dildon´t.
Both my parents are pretty eccentric to say the least…when I was a young teenager mum would run into the living room in fancy dress singing, dancing and pelvic thrusts a plenty (as if in a dodgy musical) just to embarrass me in front of boyfriends, …last Xmas, to spice things up a bit, my Dad decided to suspend a Xmas tree and Stove from the ceiling (wtf!??)

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but on my most recent visit to see him…my dad took it one step too far, yes ladies and gentleman in the middle of a party at our place my very own father thought it would be hilarious to burst through the door and proceed to chase me round the kitchen table with a flashing dildo!!-I was (to put it mildly) completely and utterly horrified!-I mean, the very thought of your Dad owning a Dildo is disturbing enough let alone being chased round the table with one : /
I don´t have any photos of the “offending article” but I do have one of my utter disbelief:

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Then this one of my Dad trying to make friends again with me afterwards!

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I calmed down some after all of his (cracked up) mates told me they´d bought it for him as a “joke” and it wasn´t actually something he owned for his “personal pleasure” still though, sweet bejesus …what a Dad.
(Fri 26th Nov 2010, 12:15, More)

» Kids

various experiments..
The first of which involved leaping off our massive garden wall with an open umberella in the hope of just gliding down Mary Poppins style..didn't. Unbrella turned inside out and I howled..lots!
Second was throwing the poor cat out of the window whilst testing the theory 'cats always land on their feet' (they do by the way), got smaked lots after an astonished mum saw said cat sailing past the kitchen window one day whilst she was doing the pots..
And finally, me and my little mate decided one day, whilst playing in the flat above her mums posh clothes shop..that it would be a really good idea to dress up her huge Doberman. This resulted in mates mum hearing a 'thud thud thud' down the stairs followed by said Doberman crashing through the door and into the shop wearing a pair of silk pyjamas, a wig and a pair of shades, to the great surprise of both her and all the customers. Little bastards!
(Tue 22nd Apr 2008, 11:27, More)

» Public Transport Trauma

Phew!
Thank kucf for that..that was my worst journey ever. Being trapped in this dull and feckless office without any sweet B3TA to sooth the soul!..*mops furrowed brow* etc..
(Thu 5th Jun 2008, 9:22, More)
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